I don't understand this, why are some fat people just don't get it... this is a turned off or am I being picky?

i am no beauty, but i do take pride on keeping my health and weight. therefore i give myself an average look overall.
i am in my late 30s, gave birth to 2 kids.
i weight 100 punds since i stopped growing with the 5 pound difference in winter time.

after 2 kids, i was up to 118 and now 112, which i am okay with... i certainly would like to go down to 110-105, but if i don't, i am not going to go crazy over it. i am 5ft and according to BMI, I am good.

i went on a date with a guy who told me he is 6'1 and around 250 pounds. only head shot on profile. i went anyway to give this guy a chance. being that we do have some stuff in common. the attraction really isn't there.

so i figure why not give it another try since he insisted in meeting up again... i told him i was doing fun, biking, excerising stuff with kids in city... his suggestion was to sit home and watch a movie on a second date...

i felt sick after reading what he suggested for a second date.
so tell me, i really don't have anything against fat people before, but now.. the life style and way of thinking is way off with the way i see things.

i suppose, its best that i turn him down... what do you guys think?
thanks.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Whether or not people want to admit it, their body is a reflection of their lifestyle. I'm an active gym goer myself and the work I put in is displayed on my body. I've had plenty of like situations you described with online dating. There's a shitload of girls taking face-only photos and overhead selfies to hide their weight. They then message the fit guys and get ignored then bitch and moan about how "guys want supermodels" when they really just don't want fatties.

    I browsed around the dating sites a while back and had no desire to even message any of the girls on there. To my surprise a huge amount of the profiles were girls who still login yet have been on these sites for literally years. The rest were all fatties and some of them even bitch about "not wanting to be a twig" and how they want to eat what they want... written right there on the profile. Yet they'll message a guy like my with photos showing me working out in the gym. It's like they don't realize that I have an active healthy lifestyle... it just won't work!

    This guy will continue to live this lifestyle and it won't be until he is stuck on a hospital bed dying realizing he shoulda made some life changes. Turn him down unless you wanna be pushing him in a wheelchair when he's in his 50's.

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    • omg... your last line is a wake up call!!! urrrgggg

What Guys Said 3

  • I'm fat and I just got back from running 8 miles... I've always looked fat, apparently some people just have a natural weight that's hard to lose even with exercising. I've stayed around 246-252 for the last 3 years, regardless of exercise and diet. I'm sure if I starved myself eventually I'd lose weight. But I'm in better shape than most people, stronger than most guys. I can bench almost 400 now, and my abs while not visible can lift almost 500.

    You're suggesting that you want to be with an active person, that it's not the appearance but the lifestyle. I know a lot of overweight people with very active lifestyles.

    Just admit you don't like the way it looks

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    • no, i was going to go on a second date, like an outdoor stuff... we have had a wonderful summer and to sit home to watch a movie on a second date? i would do that if i am like 70 yrs. old... maybe i will still be active at that age lol
      i am not the stay home type. i don't know about his weight issue. i was going to go on a second meeting to understand a bit about him, but now... i don't think i can do it

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    • Straight Up, I agree with "abigfart", it sounds like you're single mom dating, don't you think that would be turn off as well? I mean just because his idea of a date doesn't fit your dream doesn't mean you should judge based off of a suggestion!!

      Why would a sexy, desirable, single man pursue a woman an "average-looking" woman as you call yourself?

      Plus you have two kids, and I don't care what other people say, a single mom isn't better than a single woman with no kids.

      I mean there is nothing wrong with finding someone who fits your lifestyle and you should but don't be so quick to judge based on superficial knowledge.

    • indeed... i am more turned off by the fact that he is not making an effort to plan something nicer since he seems to like me and wants to see me again.

  • If you aren't attracted, you aren't attracted and that is fine. You do however need to be realistic. You have two kids, and you are past your prime. Fat guys, old guys or guys with serious baggage are the only guys you really have a hope to attract at this point. You aren't going to land a guy with a six pack, good education, nice career, full head of hair, and no kids.

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    • indeed i am 100% aware. and i have had many looked through my profile and not say hi for that very reason.
      i too am aware that aside from your list, there are also those who have contacted me who look for desceet meetings.. if you know what i mean.
      i am not looking for a six pack... in fact i don't like that type eheheh i like the geeky type...
      the situation here is, he is not even putting in the effort to make a better date when he seems to like me so much...
      i have had guys who accepts my kids who wants to be with me, i think i m just scare at this point.. i don't know... a whole diff. topic to explore

    • As long as you are being reasonable about other traits he may have, then there isn't a problem in wanting a guy that is thin.

    • Okay, tried to planned a second date. Again, it was a suggestion of being indoor (want to see my place). May as well put this on the list... that I am good enough for sex only at this point of my life. No matter how hot, sex, sweet, cute, successful, confident I am...
      what else can I do... accept the reality and be these guys F**K Buddy or be lonely... life of a middle age woman, dumbed by the husband who already has a younger more fun girl in his life...

  • You just need to find someone with similar interests. No need to put this guy down. That being said I used to be overweight now I'm at a "healthy" weight. I understood most women wouldn't want to date a guy my weight so I decided to get in shape. I can't blame women for not wanting an overweight guy since I didn't want overweight women.

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    • well... that and suggesting to sit home a watch a movie on a second date just shows he is not even trying to put effort into a date. i suggested that it takes more than one meeting to get to know someone... the next thing, he says is to sit home and watch a movie... just not something i would do even with the most handsome and fit guy... i am a bit old fashion what can i say

    • That's fine, just move on :-)

What Girls Said 6

  • It sounds like you'd be happier with a more active guy, maybe not necessarily what he looks like - but I am getting you prefer a "healthy" weight. If his idea is to relax and not do something physical, then you two will be at odds with what you think a good time will be and it probably won't work. No one wants to be nagged at for their lifestyle, and if he seems like he'll be the one trying to get you to stay home and watch TV or you try and get him to ride a bike and it's not wanted from either of you to do those things, you'll soon resent each other. There are a lot more guys out there to pick from that will be happy to go do things actively with you and your kids, you don't need to settle on this one unless you are really attracted to him and want some sort of balance in your life whereby he's the laid-back one.

    I know for me, as an overweight woman I prefer a man who lives leisurely and likes to have campouts and go to movies and do things that don't involve the gym or exercising some way together. I have been intimidated and insulted by men who try and get me to go do these things and I just have zero interest in it. My life is my life, just as yours is, and you should feel totally comfortable and in tune with the guy you want to spend a lot of time with.

    You didn't mention if he even is game for going out riding, so I'm not sure if that's completely out or not. If you asked and it seems like he's an indoor guy, then you can't really change that. He'll be who he is, as you are, and you will always have this difference between you.

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    • lunch was date one, due to our schedule. for a second date, he didn't even attempt hard to plan anything. he said he is open to having lunch or just hanging at home watching a movie or something... i just reread my profile, it does say keeping a healthy diet... so yeah... just a turn off, i was going to meet for a second date to get to know him a bit in public. oh well

    • No harm in a second date to be absolutely sure, then you'll know.

    • no way when he is not offering to put in more effort into planing something nice if he likes me. i am not married to him for over 20 yrs. and being laid back to sit home to watch a movie. i din't even do that with my ex... i have always gone out to the movies... like a proper date.

  • If you don't like him then turn him down. If he is obese I can understand him not wanting to do physical things such as riding a bike or doing a sporting activity on the date but at the very least he should have offered to take you out to dinner or cooked a nice meal for you etc... I think if he is not putting in the effort then he should be forgotten. You work hard to stay in shape and you deserve somebody who is willing to work hard to make you happy whether that is in the gym or outside the gym.

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    • i know... you mentioned about cooking a meal, is it common to visit ones home on a second date? for a movie? ...
      he said okay to go to lunch, i have an idea of walking in a park, or a museum... but yeah, i will tell him no. too bad, since we have some stuff in common... thank you

  • Um, not sure his second date idea outlines his overall life pattern. It would outline some eager expectations that he is wanting to be at home privately with you. Now, that doesn't make him sound lazy, it makes it sound like he wants booty. Just sayin'

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    • yeah... i am sure he hasn't had any for awhile, but,, common, you think guys would get any by showing desperation? sigh. i am def. not comf going to anyones place or inviting anyone to mine on a second meeting.
      through text, i did suggest we need more than one meeting to get to know someone better. but his suggestion is such a turn off. sigh

    • Well keep an open mind. But for sure don't go to someone's house on date 2... or three for that matter lol you did meet online. We all learned from the Craigslist killer!

      If larger guys don't do it for you, only date guys that live an active lifestyle and have active pictures on their profile. No need to waste time or a babysitter otherwise ; )

  • If you don't like it, you don't like it.

    What some people don't understand is that it's deeper than looks. Its about lifestyles. If you prefer to eat very clean and work out, not only are you not attracted to overweight people, your lifestyles don't click.

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    • well... i don't work out, but the part to "hang at home and watch a movie" is such a turn off... shows he is not even making an attempt to make a memorable second date or actually consider a "first date" since first meeting is more like an interview and to see if you would see that person again..

    • What? There's a difference between being lazy and unhealthy and wanting to stay in for a date.

    • hahaa you are a very smart girl.

  • if your lifestyle and his are not compatible then to reject the second date is fine rather than leading him on.

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  • I'm fat, I still exercise and lose weight. Not everyone is into the same things you are, skinny or fat. And not every fat person is nonactive jist like every skinny person isn't active. So get over yourself.

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    • i m not skinny, and i don't exercise. howefver, i do take pride on the way i live and treat others. he should have seen on my profile that i am thin and live a healthy life style. it takes work.
      but to suggest a "hang at home to watch a movie" on a second date tells me more than what i need to know. i was going to meet in another public area (museum, parks...) to get to know one another on a second meeting so to give him a chance. but thats just a turn off. i am not comf. to go to anyones home on a second meeting... creepy...

    • Maybe he isn't a outdoors kinda guy, I would want to watch a movie at his house because its more my setting.

    • wait.. you are under 18 and have no problem going to a guys place on a second date?

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