Can being similar work in a relationship?

When it comes to guys, I usually fall for the ones who have similar views on life, way of talking etc to mine. That hasn't really worked out for me every time, because opposites attract. But I usually like someone with the same personality even, or who has opinions that are like me. Am I making the wrong choices? Or can this work to my advantage?

  • good choice
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  • wrong one
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  • can be both
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Most Helpful Guy

  • First, this all depends on what you are looking for in a relationship as to what determines what you need to look for. There are 3 main kinds of relationships, "Attraction" (Fuck buddies only), "Connection" (Friends Only) and "Love" (Intimate) and each need different things. In the simplest form, simialarities create Connection and differences create Attraction (this is where opposites attract comes from).

    To be fuck buddies, all that is required is attraction, differences between the two people that causes tension (taken as sexual tension) that seeks a release. Something to be "balanced". To be friends, you need connection, similarites the create a common ground between the two people. This is a very comfortable place and a spot where you can just "sit" in eg. just like you can feel so connected your best friends and yet not be attracted to them.

    Love is the combination of these two elements, two people that have connected on such a deep level and that are best friends and also appreciate and respect their partners differences allowing them to share a huge amount of attraction also. "Lovers who are also best friends".

    Extraordinary Relationships are formed when two whole people come together to create something more between them. We've all felt attraction to someone because we didn't believe we had that quality within ourselves. And in many cases this lead to be attract to your exact opposite... But coming from that view is coming from a view of "you complete me". Instead it is about finding someone who shares qualities that you already have and someone that you can also continue to appreciate the differences of.

    Loving yourself and seeing that in others and loving others for what is unique to them. When two people like that come together it's now 1 + 1 = 3 and none of this "You complete me" bullshit. The relationship creates something more in between and thats the point of them.

    I write a lot more about this on my site.
    http://relationshipsrevealed.com.au/

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What Guys Said 2

  • Opposites attract is over rated. I think most people should aim for 90% similar, 10% different. Otherwise the relationship might become dysfunctional from being too opposite.

    www.psychologytoday.com/.../how-compatible-are-you-your-significant-other
    This one says your basic values (honesty, morality), your perception of self (selfless or selfish), intellect, temperature, interests, authenticity ought to be aligned.

    Of course, it could be wrong too. It's just a general guideline.

    www.psychalive.org/relationship-compatibility/
    What's most important I think, is to find someone who makes you a better person. Who motivates you to become better, who cares about you, who is willing to be flexible and learn from past experiences.

    I used to date someone who has 100% similar interests as me, and similar temperament. But most of everything wasn't compatible so it didn't work out.

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    • Totally agree with the Flexibility part. I was just commenting on an earlier post about that.

    • Very true, and I have felt that difference you are talking about after my last break up, too.

  • Can definitely work. My girlfriend and I have a ton of similar ideals. We both want the same kind of future (i. e. marriage, 2 kids, become engineer, etc.) so we know we could last a long time. We have a lot of similar interests, similar taste in food, same socioeconomic situation. She's often times called me the male version of her.

    I think, however, that our differences are what keep the relationship interesting. If you're basically dating a copy of yourself you or they will get bored. Our biggest difference is that she's an introvert and I tend to be more extroverted. This huge difference always gives us conflict, which seems like a bad thing but in actuality it helps strengthen the relationship by forcing us to work together at being together.

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    • Quite interesting, maybe I was dating copies of myself.

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