If I encounter a woman who claims to be "strong" and "independent", should I be leery of her and avoid her so I don't waste my time?

Usually, the impression I get from these type of women are that they think they're overall better and stronger than men and try to compete with them rather than just having a real love relationship that involves respecting and appreciating each other for our differences.

Updates:
And as a guy, I hate the fact that these "strong" and "independent" women would always assume that all men "fear" them. LOL, It's gonna take a LOT more than just a "strong and independent woman" for me to show "fear" or whatever they like to call it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I describe myself as strong and independent when I come to a site like this if a question or response calls for it, or if I'm talking to friends and refer to it - but when I meet a man, that's definitely not something that is going to fly out of my mouth thinking it will impress him. I don't state "I'm strong and independent". If I'm single and the guy realizes I have a home, a career, a car, and money in the bank then he can figure that out for himself. I think if a woman feels the need to state that at the time she meets someone or it comes up on one of the first few dates, she could be saying it as a means to let you know she doesn't expect you to take care of her and that she is likely letting you know she is not full of drama as she's worked hard to be where she is. Women like this still love companionship and romance, and want to show that they will be good partners, capable of sharing a life with you with their accomplishments instead of mooching off you and expecting to be taken care of.

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    • Well, as long as she's not telling me that she's strong and independent to convince me that she's trying to compete with me as if she's trying to prove that she's better than me and that she's trying to convince me that I'm "intimidated" by her, then I guess I'm fine with her telling me that she's strong and independent as a way of reminding me that she's not looking for sugar daddy and be a burden to me.

    • Probably. I think some women think it will score points to show a guy she's not going to cost him a whole lot of money or have expectations on him that she needs him to look after her. I see two guys downvoted this for some reason, which is weird. I would think this answer would help explain that women still want a man in her life yet don't want to come across as needy. Is this not what guys want, or do they want the neediness of a woman who has little to show for and expects a guy to look after her. It's this sort of recipe that a woman creates so that after marriage and possibly divorce that she steals from a guy because she had nothing in the first place. I wish the downvoters would explain why this is more appealing than what I've described.

    • It's very likely because a lot of men (or the two men who downvoted you) make no sense and don't know what exactly do they want in a woman, just as a lot of women make no sense and don't know what exactly do they want in a man.

What Girls Said 10

  • Yeah if you're unable to handle an independent woman, steer clear. She will chew you up and spit you out with that attitude.

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    • I never said there was anything wrong with strong and independent women but but my point is, the ones who calls themselves "strong and independent" try to prove something and some of these type of women try to compete with men on "who's the better gender" rather than having a normal and simple relationship. These are the type of women I simply don't trust. A REAL strong and independent woman wouldn't even need to remind a man that she's strong and independent and try to compete with him. A real strong and independent woman also speaks louder with ACTIONS than WORDS, not trying to convince men that they are "intimidated" by them. My older female cousin is an example of a REAL strong and independent woman because not only does she is the breadwinner AND raises 5 kids, she's also never bragged about it or is all up in her husband's face about it to act as if she's better than men or anyone else.

    • Thanks, it's nice to see similar opinions :)

  • Every female has a different definition of strong and independent. When I say I'm strong and independent I'm not saying I am stronger than guys or compete against guys I am just saying that I can handle myself on my own. My main priorities aren't finding a husband like the priorities were for most women back in the days. My priority is taking care of me if a guy comes along the way that I fall for then so be it but I won't stop my life and become a 24/7 housewife. I love to work and I like supporting myself. I love ambition to be the best me I can be. I don't aim to be like someone else or be better than someone else but be the best me. I won't go fighting and competing with guys or other females that doesn't help me in anyway.

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  • It depends on the context. If she really means it then yes, I'd be rather weary.
    Independent just means she can survive without you.
    I don't use strong because Im not physically strong per se, I say I'm resilient because my emotions/mind is strong. I bounce back.

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  • I would like to think that I fit that description but I don't think men are beneath me... I love men. Penis makes the world go 'round. lol. But I genuinely appreciate relationships. I am the way I am because of things I've gone through in my life. All I want is to be cuddled & told that everything's gonna be okay. :'( *tear*

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    • Same here. :(

      While I hate to admit it but I absolutely LOVE to cuddle with a woman.

      Would you like to be my cuddle buddy? lol jk

    • Aww yes! *e-cuddles* :D

    • yaayyy! =D

  • Wow, it sounds like you have issues with women in general. Not just strong and independent ones.

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    • You're sadly misinformed and clearly haven't read my whole question if you think I have issues with women in general. I tend to have a little distrust of women who randomly claim to be "strong and independent" just to prove something to me, and assume that I'm "intimidated" by them just because I happen to dislike people (both men and women) who are full of themselves. I absolutely have no problems with women and I can already tell you're just trying to bait a heated argument with me.

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    • Lolwut?

    • Just a little tune, that runs through my head... I find it calming... a personal favorite https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCRZZC-DH7M

  • Your question is stupid.

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  • I consider myself strong and independent. Have I been told I'm intimidating, yep! I don't need anyone, but yes I like having someone. I like a door opened for me but I'll open it too. I'm going through a divorce and I took over all the bills myself.

    as independent as I am I'm also a nurturer and love taking care of a man, cooking, picking up things I know he needs without him saying it. But I like someone to be there for me those times I need it.

    however I'm perfectly happy alone. Women that aren't independent can consume your life, you all have same friends etc, and when you break up that's left. There was none of that in my divorce.

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    • I mean, I never said that was anything wrong with strong and independent women but but my point is, the ones who calls themselves "strong and independent" try to prove something and some of these type of women try to compete with men on "who's the better gender" rather than having a normal and simple relationship. These are the type of women I simply don't trust. A REAL strong and independent woman wouldn't even need to remind a man that she's strong and independent and try to compete with him. A real strong and independent woman also speaks louder with ACTIONS than WORDS, not trying to convince men that they are "intimidated" by them. My older female cousin is an example of a REAL strong and independent woman because not only does she is the breadwinner AND raises 5 kids, she's also never bragged about it or is all up in her husband's face about it to act as if she's better than men or anyone else.

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    • Yeah. It's the sad truth about both a LOT of men AND women. A lot of them don't know exactly what they want in a man/woman.

    • Very true on both. I'm older than you so I do have a better idea of what I want esp after all I've been through!

  • If I were to say I'm a strong independent woman, I mean that I can open doors by myself, or hold them open for the men and women coming behind me or heading out while I'm headed in, I can get a job and live by myself. I can pull my own weight and don't NEED a man. BUT as a strong independent woman, I can tell you that having a boyfriend is quite nice.

    Would I absolutely fall apart and never be able to function if he left me? No. Would I be sad? Very. Do I not have friends without him? No, I have many friends. Do I enjoy his company as someone to curl up with and who will care for me when I'm sick or give me piggy back rides or tell me I look nice every once in a while? Yes, very much. And let's be honest... it's no downer that he's absolutely gorgeous and awesome in the bedroom ;)

    By "strong and independent," most women just mean they are just as capable of functioning in society as men. Why most women then feel the need to stress that this makes them strong and independent as opposed to normal, I don't know.

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    • I absolutely understand that women are fed up of being patronized by men (with them pay everything for them and not allowing them to find jobs/careers to work). While I do have my own standard of what a beautiful woman should look like, all I would want in a woman is to like me, respect me for who I am and appreciate me for treating her like my Queen while she can treat me like her King in return. A woman who is also fun to be around with to do any crazy activities, at least has the effort to try to take care of herself (her body shape and looks but doesn't have to look like a model since the standard is again, unrealistic) and a woman who's willing to be the person who can back me up when things are going down (after I've protected her and backed her up from danger many times). She doesn't have to be a great cook or just an average stay at home mom, she can have a career and still try to raise our kids whenever the both of us are available to come spend time with them

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    • You know, your story about your friends remind of this topic. The topic about how "all" women take nice guys for granted and choose bad boys over them. What people don't realize is that it's mostly immature little teenage girls who either has daddy issues (not to sound mean or anything but it's the sad truth) or are used to having assholes that are like this.

    • Yeah... the one with the bad choice in guys comes from a broken home and her first boyfriend was a cheater and abusive. She kept falling back on him even 8 years later. They just broke up again. I told her I would not allow him to step foot in our home lol.

  • Well... that's a difficult one, in some cases it's just a normal love relationship (maybe even stronger than a normal one) But in others it's just a complete no just stay clear. I would say get to know them and if you connect then great.. and if you start dating and she starts to be like that, then talk to her about it.

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  • Why would you assume that?
    Being strong and independent doesn't mean they're selfish and aloof :-)

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    • Well, that's the impression I often get when hearing about them. For instance, these "strong" and "independent" women would always assume that all men "fear" them. LOL, Not to sound hard-assed or anything but it's gonna take a LOT more than just a "strong and independent woman" for me to show "fear" or whatever they like to call it.

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    • What I absolutely don't want is a rude and immature little girl who's a self-entitled, insecure drama queen (I've already witnessed enough drama in my family and even had to deal with some encounters of it myself), a girl who uses me as her money source/ATM or a girl who's too full of herself to the point where she's trying to compete with me for "which gender is better and stronger" or who's the "better" breadwinner.

    • That doesn't sound unreasonable at all.
      I guarantee there are plenty of women who want the same things.

What Guys Said 13

  • It's strictly personal choice. "Claiming" to be strong and independent can mean just about anything. You just have to get to know her and decide if you like her or not.

    Don't let two very ambiguous words decide for you who you like and don't like. You won't even now what she means by that without getting to know her. In the end it's really about chemistry - that mysterious connection two people have but can rarely even define. If you have a connection with her then you do, if you don't then you don't.

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  • Those are clearly good traits for a girl to have. If a girl tells me this though it would be a red flag. I would have figured out I wasn't interested long before this though. I like a really easy going girl that doesn't want to but heads. I'm not saying I want to be the boss, but if she's proclaiming these things I think it's a bad sign. That's just my take. Thank you for the guys that date them! I'll take my mellow life.

    If any girl reading this is annoyed, my issue would be PROCLAIMING it to me. I think it's a sign of a person wanting their way and bossiness. I like easy going, non drama in my life.

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  • "Independent " is fine.

    It's the "strong " that id worry about.

    ---
    Stregnth is something that should exude implicitly from the inside out.

    A female having to SAY she is a strong woman, comes off as her having a combative attitude, which is a gigantic turn off for me.

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  • 1. You don't HAVE to like them. If i don't like her it doesn't mean i am "afraid of her power" ( give me a break lady lol )
    2. Some of these women tend to push their damn "independence" too much in your face i guess. I haven't met any that were this messed up but if i ever do - "have fun and stay independent, i want a partner not a boxing opponent".

    Nobody wants to argue or struggle for power in a relationship - it is the reason why most of them fail these days. Women want what men usually had and when they have it the men they got it from appear "weak" and unattractive -> ruined relationship.

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  • Astrong confident woman is very sexy to me. I am not threatened by one.

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    • I know but my point is, the ones who calls themselves "strong and independent" try to prove something and some of these type of women try to compete with men on "who's the better gender" rather than having a normal and simple relationship. These are the type of women I simply don't trust.

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    • Exactly. A REAL strong and independent woman wouldn't need to remind a man that she's strong and independent and try to compete with him. A real strong and independent woman also speaks louder with ACTIONS than WORDS.

  • I like strong and independent women, it means I can have a girlfriend and not be a baby sitter for someone who is so clingy that they need me rather than wanting me for my intelligence and handsomeness.

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    • I know what you mean and so do I but my point is, the ones who calls themselves "strong and independent" try to prove something and some of these type of women try to compete with men on "who's the better gender" rather than having a normal and simple relationship. These are the type of women I simply don't trust. A REAL strong and independent woman wouldn't even need to remind a man that she's strong and independent and try to compete with him. A real strong and independent woman also speaks louder with ACTIONS than WORDS, not trying to convince men that they are "intimidated" by them.

    • You raise some valid points, but no man should be intimidated by anyone.

  • Their idea of what that entails may be vastly different from your own. Don't shy away from giving it a shot, if you do decide it isn't working then act on it then. You may be missing an out on a good relationship.

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  • It is not a gender issue but a human one. The louder a person proclaims something the less likely it is to be true. Why waste time on a liar?

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  • If you just walk up and say, "hi, i'm bill or steve or whoever you are" and she says, "hi, i'm julie or lauren or whoever she is and i'm strong and independent" then yes, get the fuck out while you can.

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  • Yep, avoid them like the plague.

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  • I hate women that say that shit. They are pro feminist and they are bitter from past relationships with men.

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  • I like strong and independent women, but I have never met a woman who called herself strong and independent whose company I could stand. There is a big distinction there.

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    • Im not stupid I know exactly what you mean and I agree.

    • If you say so. Based on other things you've written here at GAG I would not have expected you to agree with me on this.

  • A "strong and independent women" is almost always a euphemism for a feminist nut job who "doesn't need a man".

    Turn and run, fast. Nothing good can come from that.

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