My boyfriend is hanging out with another girl, should I be upset about this?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and spanning that entire time neither of us have ever hung out with our opposite gender friends alone. In fact he used to get angry with me every time one of my guy friends gave me a compliment or asked me if I wanted to hang out or go see a movie.

Well for the past week he's gone to hang out with this girl from his previous job that he's known for a year or so. He doesn't hide it, since he texts me and tells me that he's going on his lunch break with her, or that they're going to McDonald's, and he tells me what they talk about.

But I'll be honest-- I hate it. This is such a double standard, I put off hanging out with my guy friends and only see them when we're in a group with other girls and guys. There's only been one situation in the past 3 years where I've hung out one-on-one with a guy, and that's because our other friends suddenly cancelled on us. Plus I've never met this girl before, although apparently she's dating another friend of my boyfriend's, but just something doesn't feel right.

Should I be getting angry about this? I don't really know what to tell him, other than it makes me uncomfortable. But I feel like I shouldn't be telling him to stop hanging out with her.

Updates:
I just talked to him and told him that it made me uncomfortable, but then his response was "I never told you not to hang out with your guy friends", which is a lie. Plus he's ruined multiple friendships of mine by harassing my guy friends.
And after I reminded him of how he's responded each time I tried to hang out with one of my guy friends alone, his reply was "if you're saying that I'm the reason for why you didn't hang out with them, you're wrong".

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think you should be concerned about any cheating. that's the first thing

    but I do understand if your frustration is at the double standard. this is the inherent problem of trying to put reigns on friendships of your partner. you run the risk of testing those boundaries yourself.

    I think you should first chill with the anger. it will get you nothing except stress. talk to your bf explain how this makes you feel. explain how he put the kibosh on you hanging out with male friends and how it is a double standard for him to hang out with this girl, whom you haven't met. explain that you trust him so that's not the issue but you do have issue with him not living by the same standards and rules he applies to you

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    • Thank-you, I agree.

      She's engaged to that friend of my boyfriend's, and I'm not worried at all about him cheating on me, it just took me by surprise that after 3 years now it's suddenly "okay" for us to hang out with our friends regardless of gender. Plus they only hang out in public places, so I don't feel like he's doing anything wrong. Really I'm the odd one out in this situation because the girl, her fiancé and my boyfriend all know each other but I don't know the other couple.

    • yeah you aren't mad that he might do something you're just frustrated with the double standard. I think that's more than fair and something that should be addressed

What Guys Said 6

  • OK, I dont think you should get angry. I think you should be calm and say that you dont like it and he should understand that. If he says he has the right to see who he wants (normal selfish response) then tell him he can have the other girl but he can't have you.
    This behavior is a pattern which if it continues without check and respect for the partner is a recipe for future infidelity and selfishness.
    He is either in a relationship with you OR he is a free agent.
    Firm up on your self respect and push him away, make him realise he cannot play games with other peoples feelings and affection and trust. This he needs to learn.

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  • talk to him directly about it, explain how you feel betrayed and how it is actually making you envious

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    • I'll definitely try to once I figure out how to word it without sounding angry. I'm not so much angry as I am confused though.

    • be angry, show him how much it hurt you

  • I would have no problem with my girlfriend hanging out with an old male friend alone.. I would probably have an issue with her starting to go out frequently with a man she recently met. In your situation he seems to have huge double standards in the relationship. You should talk to him about how it makes you feel and he should be understanding with you because he's being a hypocrite.

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  • Yeah double standard shit there for sure, careful how you approach it and how defensive/angry you get. You could be all passive aggressive and just hang out with guy friends one on one again.

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  • I'd be wary.

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  • Of course you have to be strict

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What Girls Said 1

  • I would be upset, like if it was in a group I would still be uncomfortable but it would be different. One on one would bother me a lot and I would tell him how it was making me feel

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    • Thank-you. I think I just need to figure out how to word things before I tell him. I don't want to make him feel guilty or bad, just this situation is weird for me.

    • Yeah, what I usually do that I've learned is when you explain it use "me" statements instead of "you" statements so that he doesn't feel like you are blaming him and get defensive :)

    • So make it about how you feel not him

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