Early forties, starting over and in trouble already?

After being married for nearly two decades, I am now divorced. It took a little over a year before I was ready to think about dating. After several months, my (rusty) experience with the dating scene was not stellar. I just wasn't finding anyone I was interested in (and vice versa to be fair :) ). After spending way too long in a very bad relationship, I know the type of person I'm looking for, so at least I have that going for me.

Still with me? I met a great girl through a dating web site. We went on a couple dates, but she has been separated and is now going through the ugly part of the divorce. She said she needs time to focus on that, but seems genuinely interested in getting back together when the process finishes. My mind tells me that she does need to spend time completing her divorce and several work matters that have near term deadlines in addition to taking care of her kinds nearly full time. If I'm honest with myself, it also tells me she's going to need time after the divorce is done to adjust. Giving her space and going on with my life is the logical approach. The trouble is she is amazing and I just can't stop thinking about her. We have tentative plans to do something specific when she is ready. Maybe I've been out of the dating pool so long that I've forgotten how this goes. I don't want to lose a chance for a relationship.

Here are the options I see:
1. Logical Option: Give her space, don't contact her, resume dating (now avoiding anyone that is separated), and decide what to do if she gets to a point where she's ready

2. Lightly clingy option: give her space, drop her an email or text every week or two, resume dating until she's ready

3. Stupidly Crazy Option: come up with a great activity that I know she wants to do I persuade her to take a break and do it

4. I'm not a romantic option: move on buddy, it's over

5. (The option I didn't think of)

What say you?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think I would love option 3. A guy asking me to do something I fun I always wanted to do (in my case like sky diving) I would see that as a very nice sign, because it shows the guys cares about me and remembers what I like.
    It of course might be, that she refuses, which you should not take too personally, cause it sounds like she is really really busy with other things right now. You could ask, "let me know, if you wanna go skydiving. I was planning on going the last September weekend etc". This way she won't feel pressured.
    This might not directly lead to a new relationship, but at least it will keep you on her mind.
    Otherwise... keep "other options" open as well.
    good luck!

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    • Thanks cupcake! Logical me agrees with social1 but *the entire rest of me* wants another option. I like your idea and will think about this one. :)

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 2

  • Definitely option 1.

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  • You know what?
    I have a TV-show for you.
    Its called Louie by Louis C. K.
    Great show , you'll love it.

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    • Because my story line isn't connected very well? ... haven't seen it, just guessing here.

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    • Ah, okay, gotcha. Now the question is - love the show or hate it because it hits to close to home? I'll check it out.

    • He tried again and again to find love under the suggestion of his friends and brother , struggling to juggle the kids between him and his wife , going into a depression for still living in the flat that him and his wife used to live in... meeting his old friend from the early days of his career again...

      its every day stuff , its DESIGNED to hit every middle-aged man like a wrecking ball straight to the balls.

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