Dated exclusively, asked what we were, he got upset, told me he didn't see us going anywhere, then acts like nothing happened. Help?

So, I started seeing this guy, and things moved pretty quickly. I'm still a virgin, but we've done other things, more each time we saw each other. I was away for a few months for work and came home to see him every chance I got. Things were going so well, so one weekend I was home, and I asked what we were. He said we were exclusively dating but not boyfriend/girlfriend. Then two weeks later, he tells me that us being together is on my watch and it's not fair to him. Then the said he didn't see us going anywhere, and when I asked why, he said to back off. Then he got mad for me not staying in touch with him after that. We had a long conversation about what happened and it basically led to him saying that he was doing everything to make me happy and I was not doing anything to make him happy. Then we kind of patch things up, but I'm still not sure what to do. We hadn't talked for almost two weeks and I thought things were over. I started talking to some other guys and went out with a couple, but then he started texting me again as if nothing happened. I don't know if he thinks we are still together or exclusive, and I'm afraid to bring it up on the chance that I'll lose him. Then again, I'm not sure if I want to lose him or not. I'm at the point where I am just thinking of negative things that I had overlooked when I was with him, rather than the positive feelings I had.

Am I wrong to start dating again and still keep him as an option, or is it cheating if we were dating exclusively and then stopped talking for a while? I feel like Ross and Rachel--we were on a break!

I know, a lot of information (and this isn't even half of it), and it basically sounds like in sacking someone to make a decision for me. Or it sounds like I've already made my decision. I don't know. I just want to put this out there and see what others think--any advice on the matter would be greatly appreciated!


Most Helpful Girl

  • He told you he doesn't see you two going anywhere. That's pretty much the fact of the matter. If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't tell you that. Anything else he's doing is either to get sexual favors from you again or to get some attention. It's a bruise to his ego when you just suddenly stop talking and move on. He wants confirmation that you still like him and have feelings for him so that's why he texts. Being wanted is appealing and he probably just enjoys the feeling. Now you're gone and he's lonely and has to start looking for another girl to feed his ego.

    You weren't official. So yes, you have every right to date some else and it's not cheating no.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I personally think he was only into you for the friends with benefits side, not the relationship. What do you do? Dump him.

  • Because he expected to have put something into you by then. And he still wishes to. Not to reduce it entirely to this, but yeah.


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