Is there still value or attraction to being an "Old-fashion" minded Lady? Have they all been fed into the modern independent feminist monster?

Don't get me wrong. I like independent ladies. However, the repercussions of that is that they forget how to be vulnerable enough to fall in love for real.

They will not realize that their independence is causing some problems in the dynamics of being in love, unless she is that perfect lady that can be independent on the outside and professionally, but still can be empathetic and understand the need to be vulnerable enough to fall madly, deeply, in love...

Or are those notions just reserved for the movies and tv shows and music?

Is it so hard or dangerous to want to fall in love so deep than you know its either do or die? Why fall in love so safe that its only going to be lukewarm. ...

Falling in love so safe is just not worth it..


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you can't be independent and deeply in love. Period.
    All humans depend on one another. The only truly independent state is death.

    When you love someone and your desires harmonize, no perceived feminist "independence" can matter more. The "dance of the sexes" that is created in love often implies female submissiveness, and no woman can claim independence while truthfully engaging in it. Neither can a man who exposes his heart and, his more fragile, ego before the woman. People can only ever love by tying themselves to another, to a point where that person could easily crush them into bits if they chose to do so. Only through this kind of risk and trust can be know love.

    Feminists don't have issues with trust, but with the "dance of the sexes" I mentioned. That which almost always accompanies heterosexual, romantic relationships. They demonize it, shame men and women away from it, while claiming it ruins our society. It's no wonder you're under the impression feminists are afraid of loving.

    Also, the word "independent" is mistaken for "strong". Female strength is not of the same nature as that of a man, nor is her independence her strength.

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    • you probably have the best answer of all.

      Maybe my persistence to be showing her love and how to love will eventually coax her out?

      Maybe she needs time to believe and trust in breaking down that wall. I know this thought will kill me and set me up for failure, if eventually that does not come true. Maybe I'm silly and naive enough to believe in that for now and hope for that to happen. I'm old school this way.

      I know the modern guy will probably have ditched this person if he has done a lot more and showed her a lot more, with little reciprocation and expression of love.

      Or maybe I am putting true love up on an unreachable pedestal?

What Girls Said 5

  • I am an old fashioned minded lady. People today, especially women, act like that is a fault and that it is a sign of weakness. That is entirely untrue. I actually really like that about myself that in relationships I am very "old fashioned". Feminists actually annoy me. There are reasons why men and women are so different and are good at different things. Feminists need to realize that.

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    • We all need to realise that many different loons take on many different titles to justify their lunacy, feminism being one of them, sadly this detracts from the great things which feminism has helped, and is helping, to achieve.

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    • Maybe you have a problem believing an individual and independent woman can be in love without being dependant on a man. I'm not sure what issues you are encountering which would be solved by a more traditional submissive and dependant woman... I'm assuming that's what you mean by old fashioned?

    • sorry forgetmenots, that last one wasn't aimed at you but the QA. my bad.

  • I don't want to get hurt. most girls I know who are open and vulnerable are always getting played. its almost pathetic to watch.

    I do want to take care of the home and kids when I settle down and get married. but that's for marriage. im not quitting my job and livelihood for a guy im just dating. that's stupid bc when y'all break up what will I do? the problem is when women make themselves vulnerable, they could make choices that could ruin their life

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    • haha. I'm not talking about quitting jobs and staying at home, coz that is just not realistic. I believe she still have to have her goals to achieve, apart from financial freedom. However I'm talking about emotional vulnerability. If you keep your wall up, hoping not to get hurt, you're just skimming the surface and never really deeply in love. If you met a guy that you believe is a good partner, and he constantly shows you his commitment, its not too much to ask for some in return, if not it feels like one is eager and the other is just being dragged along and wondering if he is for real...

  • I go all in when I fall in love but I feel safe doing that now because I know im gonna marry my bf in the future, if I wasn't so sure I would be afraid

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    • Afraid, but will you have your guard up subconsciously? my girl said she is not so keen on commitment... but she is trying it with me... so its really scary to be the first one.

    • Honestly he's done a really good job of taking down all my walls I had built up, he was my best friend before we got together (and still is) so I just trust him so completely I don't think I really have my guard up anymore

  • Maybe you have a problem believing an individual and independent woman can be in love without being dependant on a man. I'm not sure what issues you are encountering which would be solved by a more traditional submissive and dependant woman... I'm assuming that's what you mean by old fashioned?

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    • I have no issues about her being independent, going out and getting it. However, I think the kind of woman I think of does not exist, or is bi-polar. I'm not asking her to be submissive, but to be slightly more emotionally dependent, to open up, to be vulnerable, so I can actually bond with her on a more intimate level. It feels like this independent trait constructs a wall that prevents her from feeling more, or showing more love. Old-fashioned in the sense that is not afraid of commitment, or being part of a whole, reserving part of herself to only be exclusive to the man she claims to be in love with.

      Once again I have nothing against independent ladies, but if there has to be some sort of transition of wanting to still be an individual hanging out with another individual to wanting to be part of a pair, a team, and that requires some sort of vulnerability and believing and depending on one another. Same of the man.

    • two down votes from guys? Pah! whatever. Well it's very hard, I've been there myself and having someone push you into being the traditional girlfriend can feel like your identity being taken from you. It's like they're saying 'you should need me, I need you to need me' but the reality is I don't need anyone, I'm perfectly fine that way too. It's the feeling that your partner wants you to change, to pay them emotional attention and in the past I've found that a turn off, emotionally dependence. But I'm not quick to fall in love and I'm not a huge fan of the traditional dating thing. But I'm a minority, the way I feel is definitely not the norm in my experience.

  • I can be independent and have a career but still fall deeply in love. Men do, so can women

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    • well if all independent ladies are like you, and can fall madly in love and still keep her independence, like would be much better. In that sense, you are the true independent lady, because being independent has not turned you into an emotional cripple and still in control of your true feelings when encountering a relationship.

      its not all like, "oh im strong lady, i dont need men, men need me, can't show then reliance, can't show that I need them, I'm strong..." ... it makes love so much more difficult and bland...

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    • But there must be an extra level of happiness that your SO can make you feel more than just by being yourself no? If not, then there is something wrong? Yes you may love that person, but if one can't express love, is it wrong?

      How do you deal with one that can't express love? They just expect you to know that she loves you and just live with it. Expression is so important...

    • I've been with people who aren't good at expressing love, but as long as they try it's all good. Everyone is taught how to show love differently an some just aren't taught to show love. So when they try I really appreciate it, even them just saying it is a lot.
      Also I think people (especially young girls) get too caught up in the idea of being loved. So they want to be wanted, more than they want. That may not actually really like the guy, but if he says he loves her she think she loves him too. But she doesn't, she loves that he loves her. And that's sad. You should like yourself before you like someone else. Or that person should show you how to like yourself

What Guys Said 3

  • there's still many "old fashioned" girls. I've never had a gf that wasn't either mostly or completely "old fashioned" and really value simple "old fashioned" things. For instance, opening doors for her, me working full time while she stays home and takes care of the inside of the house, she cooks breakfast and supper for me, etc. They all really liked and appreciated the love and respect I showed them. We both had specific "duties" that needed to be done around the house and we did them and even helped each other when we could. Like I would help cook and clean when I could and she would help me take care of the outside when she could. The whole key is respect and to treat others how you would like to be treated.

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    • Rare. most modern ladies want to go out and get their own and prove their worth. So being old fashioned is like a sign of weakness, a stark reminder of their deprived days regarded as 2nd class human beings. I am not into degrading women, or suppressing them.

      But they have to remember that being vulnerable in a relationship and giving your all is part and parcel of being truly in love, deeply in love. IF you're always cautious, being afraid to commit, then falling in love lukewarm is just like going for a haircut but you just cut half your head's hair.

    • I guess it depends on where you live. Most women where I live are pretty old fashioned. They're not looked down on or anything if they want to work and make money either. People here respect anyones right to decide what they want to do. Women are every bit as respected if they want to be a full time mom and house wife or if they want to work. Women that look down on other women for wanting to stay home have become what they hate. Being a mom and wife is every bit as respectable or even more as working and being successful. Money is just money but family is what is really important.

  • "unless she is that perfect lady that can be independent on the outside and professionally, but still can be empathetic and understand the need to be vulnerable enough to fall madly, deeply, in love..."

    Why should this be different for men and women?

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  • There are plenty of old fashioned girls to be found, more than there were 10 - 20 years ago when most women bought into the "women can have it all" stuff. Today young women have the benefit of seeing all those sad women in their 30s and 40s who are alone and bitter so they have a little better perspective than those women did at their age.

    More and more men today are unwilling to settle for a "modern woman" who is more interested in a career than a good marriage and a family. There is no way in hell I would marry a woman like that. I'll marry one with more traditional values or I won't marry at all. Fortunately there are a lot more women like that today and a good man will have no trouble finding one. Those "modern women" on the other hand are finding it more and more difficult to find good men willing to tolerate them.

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