A guy I've been seeing lied to me about his age and it's a VERY big age difference! What do I do?

I've been seeing this guy for a a little over a month now. We met at a sneaker release in the mall. He's perfect. So much fun, the best personality, and not at all immature. We really hit it off at the sneaker release that day. He asked how old I was and I told him the truth (24, turning 25 in December). He told me he was 22 turning 23. I've dated younger guys before so that small age difference didn't bother me.

I never had any reason to believe he was lying to me about his age. He even has an ID with his name and picture and everything on it so we could go out to bars together.

Well... yesterday I found out that he is 18 years old!!!

And yes we've had sex twice. What do I do? I really liked him and never for a second thought he was anything but 22 going on 23. Turns out he just graduated high school this year. I feel completely disgusting because there is a good 6 years between us and not to mention he has been lying to me this entire time... making me believe he was almost 23. Do I stop seeing him completely? I'm truly shocked that he's only 18 years old... please help I don't know what the hell to do!!

Thank you!!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Cudos to the boy for trying to date up.

    Sorry he lied though. That's fubar, and grounds for dumping.

    Still though. If he was fun to hang out with when you thought he was older, has he harmed you? Could you put it down as a white lie? Maybe.

    I tried for ages to get an older Portugese girl to date me when I was a young soldier. I finally had to go all macho and convince her to stop treating me like a little boy before I got anywhere. It sounds like he went cougar hunting and you got tagged. All that remains to be seen is whether you want some more.

    • I think I could get over the lie... because I can see why he did it. And I have no other reasons not to trust him. He's been loyal, never shady, and as far as I know has never lied about anything else. My main issue here is the age difference, not necessarily the lie. I'm going to be 25 in December, and he'll still be 19. His birthday is in January. I feel dirty for liking someone so much younger than me. I feel like it's different when the guy is older... it's more acceptable perhaps? Is it creepy of me to be so attracted to someone so much younger than me?

    • Show All
    • I think I'm okay with it. he doesn't look or act 18 and that's a huge deal to me.

    • Rock on.


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What Guys Said 9

  • I'm pretty sure he said that because he knew you wouldn't give him a chance if he said he was 18 and he was right. You two have really hit it off and have already been intimate. However after getting to know you and you him he should have came clean. I don't agree with lying about it initially either, but I understand why. Many women do that too because of the fear people have with age gaps. My GF and I are 5 years apart. I don't know if I would want to be with someone who lied to me though and was keeping it going until I found out. How long was he gonna wait?

    • I don't think I would have given him a chance knowing he was 18. But I'm in shock that he really is and I'm a little sad about it because I really enjoyed spending time with him but he's not even old enough to legally go out to bars. I'm not sure what to do because like I said I really liked him.

    • If the age difference is a big deal to you along with the intial lie then it's best to go your separate ways. I wasn't much a club or bar person so when my gf was under 21 it wasn't a big part of our relationship and us doing things together. Its a tough choice.

    • the age difference is more of an issue to me than the lie because I can understand why he lied and people lie it happens, I'm forgiving in that aspect. once I asked him about it he owned up immediately and was very apologetic. I think I'm most worried about what people might say or think. It's more common for the guy to be older, so for me to be 6 years older than the person I'm interested in is a hard concept for me to grasp.

  • The fact that he is not being truthful to you is reason enough, regardless of the topic really. Who knows what else he could be lying to you about. He could be lying about being single, drug use, STDs, and so on. Get outta there. He has an ID and is breaking into bars and stuff drinking underage. If he's not hanging out with you, he's hanging out with someone else probably.

  • Well the good news is he is legal the bad news is he lied to you. If you are into him then you need to find out why he lied and do some more research on him and clearly the bar dates are out he not 21 If I were you I would say ba bye.

    It's not the 6 years difference that bothers me now his friends are saying "nice job you had sex with an older woman" later on your girl friends will be saying nice job you had sex with a younger man.

    No it;s the lying a deal breaker? that I leave to you to decide.

  • He's legal, the only difference it makes is how much the age bothers you. Age in some respects is just a number, it's entirely peronsal what you go for and not all 18 year olds are the same. I doubt he lied to sleep with you, he was probably just worried you wouldn't give him a chance to get to know him if he told you the truth straight away.

    • we didn't even sleep together until a week ago and he never pressured me or anything like that. i think i'm going to give him a chance and see what happens.

    • Good =)

  • Mentally you have a big age difference.
    But really if you get along and everything is ok? then see what happens.
    he is legal so you don't have to worry about prison.
    it is just going to be a little awkward for you.

  • "not at all immature" you said, so lying about you age is not immature?

    That said, I don't think the 6 years is a problem, I do however think the foundation of lies are. If you can come clean with one another, and start a fresh then go for it, the age doesn't matter if your two hit it off.

    • obviously the lying is immature but what I mean is I never had any reason to think he wasn't 22/23. his mentality/personality/mannerisms were very similar to mine and I never thought he was immature or acting immature.

      we definitely hit it off but he just graduated high school. I'm a big girl with rent to pay and a real job. I don't know what to do!!

    • Show All
    • I don't think it's fair either... but the age difference is really bothering me. maybe it's because i'm afraid of what people might think? i don't know. i feel like i'm caught up in a student/teacher sex scandal. i don't know what the hell to do at all!

    • Yes it sounds to me, you are afraid of what people might think, but why should they dictate your life or partner?

  • Well, he lies about his age what other stuff is he hiding
    so you better watch this guy spells trouble?

    • He got what he wants and he will come back for more
      as long as your leaving the door open for him

    • the fact that he's 18 at least means he's legal but I still feel disgusting... I feel like one of those teachers that gets caught banging one of their students. I don't know what to do!!!

    • I would tell the jerk get loss unless you want live more of his lies

  • Don't let the age thing get to you. I'm trying to date a woman that's 6 years older than me. It's all about maturity.

    Him lying to you on the other hand. I don't blame you for being pissed.

    BUT... it sounds like you're letting your emotion of being pissed off cloud your entire perception of him (ie. the age factor). DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN!

  • Say thank you. When you get older 6 years difference is nothing.


What Girls Said 1

  • You're making a big deal out of it. Its shallow to ditch him because of his number and he is after all legal. And you're not his teacher anyway.