Should I break it off with stoner boyfriend?

I've been seeing this guy for a while. It's a long distance relationship. He's a really sweet guy and loves me to death but I found out recently he was a stoner. I dated smokers before and my parents weren't too happy about it. He's trying to get a job but where he lives, it's difficult to get a job and he lives with his grandmother. I love him but I don't want to string him along if my parents don't approve.

Should I continue the relationship and ignore my parents or drop it?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd avoid it just because someone who has no responsibilities, job and chooses to be in a state of non reality for a large portion of their life is not someone I'd want to be with. It shouldn't be for your parents, you should want more for yourself. Do you really think this guy is mature? Is he ready for a relationship? By what you've mentioned, I doubt it. You can do better.

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    • That's what I was thinking.

What Guys Said 1

  • Stoners just drag others down. Don't be a victim of his problem.

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What Girls Said 2

  • If he's living with his grandmother, who is obviously supporting him, and he has no job, then where is he getting the money for weed from? Since you call him a stoner, that tells me that he's smoking ample amounts, not just a few bucks worth every few weeks. I'm picturing someone smoking something to the tune of about $50-$100 per week.

    It sounds like his priorities are wrong right now. He's opting to smoke but does he have justification on why he's getting stoned? Sore back? Chronic headaches? Usually people who work a long day and are aching, don't mind a smoke but they're earning it also. It sounds like he's just sitting around and smoking, not getting his shit together.

    It seems like you're staying with him for reasons such as being attracted to his looks and loving that he loves you. This is nice for short term, but for long term, relationships need more. If you're thinking big plans like marriage, getting a place (or owning a home), having children, traveling, having hobbies - then this takes a lot of work and money to do it. If you've been seeing him for a while that means, a long while, then maybe ask him where he sees you two in five or ten years, and if he comes up with big ideas, ask how you two might start working on those goals. And remember, nothing is meant to be changed drastically in one day. Small steps toward those goals little by little will see yourselves making things better if you both want that and are willing to work at it. Praise him for wanting to make changes and ask if there's anything you can do to help him get started or what he wants you to do or say as you're a part of it too, if you're serious about a future with him. Good luck :)

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    • Thank you. He smokes because of depression so he doesn't have to take pills but it just makes me sad. I would like to see a future with him so hopefully I could help him change.

    • Oh dear, wow - that's another thing you may have to ask yourself if you can deal with for the rest of your life. But only you know how he's accessing so much pot to smoke without an income. If his mood is not picking up with medication or therapy, then smoking pot is only improving his mood while suppressing everything else. No motivation to work or do anything else. It's not working. Depression is a tricky thing to get a handle of. Sometimes reading about depression and pinpointing what it is that is making him depressed will help him understand it better. For example, if he feels he's depressed because he's a grown man living with his grandmother and has no job, well -- no brainer there, fixing things might be easier than expected. I think your help is guiding him to find out what is the core problem and getting him to realize it and fix it from there.

    • I might have to do that. I'm trying to help him but it's really hard when it's a long distance relationship.

  • As a stoner and engaged to a stoner, I have to disagree with anyone who say stoners don't do anything but cause problems, I've been smoking since i was 14 i'm very smart and still learning, i babysit but i don't have a real job for the simply fact I can't be around a lot of people so I prefer small odd jobs i'm working on getting my GED and my fiance is quitting smoking to find a job he wants to pass the pee test and not have to cheat but i know he will start up again after and i'm fine with that I personally use pot for my PTSD and my depression also for my back pain. so it could be your boyfriend has some issues that he'd rather solve the natural way instead of with pills that can become addicting, and for those who think pot is addicting your wrong it's all a matter of will I haven't smoked a cigarette or pot in almost a month and I won't smoke any until prob dec or jan I was able to drop it in just two days and i'm craving cigs more then i am pot which just shows which is the most addicting but the most addicting is legal where the one you literally can't get hooked on is illegal, I find it to be bullshit that people judge others for smoking pot when they are uneducated on the plant, netflixs has movies on some of the history and todays working of it there is also lots of studys you can find just about everywhere Educate before doing anything

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    • The thing is, he can't get a job due to his poor resume and no recommendations. I at least hope he could get an odd job. He never smoked cigs before.

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    • my fiance did a paper route for 4 years it was enough to pay his phone and help his mom keep some food in the house, it's okay to start small, paper routes, mcdonalds, arbys, you only need a food handlers card to work there and they almost always hire

    • True. I guess I could convince him.

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