Love In The Modern World: Communication Breakdown?

Me: 25
Her: 23
Dating: 6 Months Long Distance: 2HRS Visit: Weekends and some Weeknights

My partner constantly calls me out, accusing me of not loving her, caring about her or paying attention to her if I do not call or text all the time. In the beginning this was not an issue, I called and texted as I normally would do. It was not until recently that she began doing this.

Scenario 01:
Her: "Why didn't you answer my call"
Me: "I just got to the party and was about to call you."
Her: "So, you think you can just call me when it's convenient for you? You could have called on the way over!"
Me: "I'm sorry. It's late, so I wanted to catch you when you were about to go to bed."
Drama ensues...
Scenario 02:
Me: "Hey, babe. Just calling to say I'm at work, how are you?"
Her: "I'm fine. Just a bit sick from last night."
Me: "I wish I was there with you. Get well and rest. I'll talk to you later."
Her: "Uhhm.. Okay. Bye!"
Calls back...
Her: "I don't understand. I'm sick, and you can't even spend 5 minutes on the phone with me."
Me: "I told you that I was just getting to work."
Drama ensues...

She says that I do not communicate well, and when I do not call, miss a call, or text her, she accuses me of not loving her, or not giving her enough attention. I am constantly left feeling like the bad guy and having to apologize for something that I didn't do. This has been very painful. I love her very much and I show her in every way, intimately, emotionally, when we are together, but she tells me she doesn't believe me "because otherwise, you would text me." I have been in relationships that lasted two years, and I've never experienced this before.

Is she being insecure and irrational? I know that I do not intentionally miss her calls or ignore her!

Is this immature of her to treat me this way?

Do I need to leave her?

Cheers,
M


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "Is she being insecure and irrational?" -

    Yes. And while the distance doesn't help, from the sound of her, she would do this even if you lived with her and saw her every night.

    "Is this immature of her to treat me this way?" -

    No. I caution people to be careful with the word immature, it is all to commonly a go-to for what people don't understand, or dislike. A lot of judgement tied to the term. She sounds more neurotic than anything.

    "Do I need to leave her?" -

    Generally, unless things are so bad between a couple that they fall into an "abusive" category I hate to tell someone to just break it off. However, it's one way to remedy your plight.

    Ask yourself how much this girl truly means to you, then you will have your answer.

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    • Thanks, Socal1.
      I love her, and I do want to be with her, but this has been going on for so long. I am the type of person that believes in change, that even such minor issues can be resolved. At the same time, I am left feeling cautious, constantly thinking did I call enough, do I say enough, etc. This can't be healthy can it? Especially if it is never resolved and she constantly finds a way to find something wrong!

    • You said it man. I don't think this is healthy as it stands, no.

      "Especially if it is never resolved and she constantly finds a way to find something wrong! " -

      Exactly! This ties nicely back into what quirkybear47 and SomethingWicked said. Read there's a second time if you haven't. Really good insight.

    • Thank you all for the helpful insight!

What Girls Said 2

  • Maybe she feels this way because you changed your habits on how you call and text. Maybe have a full conversation with her about it if you are still interested in her. She needs to understand what is going on with your feelings. However, when and if you approach her about it, ask her why she feels this way first before telling her the way you feel. If she still isn't understanding than I don't know what to tell you.

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    • Thanks, QuirkyBear! She has definitely mentioned this before. I have explained to her on numerous occasions. Every moment I feel we are moving forward, we step back because she will constantly find something that I am doing wrong, even though I am doing right.

    • Then she might not be the right girl for you. If this has happened on numerous occasions, you may need someone who is a little more self reliant. If she constantly needs reassurance, your relationship might be unsuitable. I know because you love her it's difficult, but if she doesn't calm herself, it has nothing to do with you as you tried to fix the problems. I don't know why she is resorting to this tactic, but it might be that your personalitis aren't well suited.

  • She is trying to force you to break up with her because she's feel guilty if she does it. Doing this however turns you into the bad guy, which in her mind you probably already are and she's looking for more ammo.

    Or she has some serious relationship issues which need sorted.

    Either way, welcome to crazyville.

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    • She has actually tried to leave me several times throughout the past 6 months. We have even tried to be friends, I agreed, but she always comes back and wants to stay with me.

    • Dude, just break up, say you can't be friends for a while because through relationship is toxic to you both.

What Guys Said 0

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