Love In The Modern World: Those 'Other Guys'?

Why do women feel that it is necessary to talk about other guys, while in a relationship?

This is a complete turn-off to men. Any woman who thinks that this is a way to get our attention, or believes that this is a way to ignite our primitive drive to 'chase' the catch should know that for us men, it reduces trust, creates insecurities, and ruins relationships.

I have been with my partner for six months. Throughout the relationship, she has used comments, specifically during times of argument, that there are other guys that text her and who want to be with her.

Examples:
Her: "Why don't you text me? There are plenty of guys that text me and give me attention."
Me: "Oh really? Why do you have other guys texting you?"
Her: "Why not?"

When I asked her politely to remove those numbers and send a text to those 'Other Guys', she would not do it.

Example:
Me: "Hey, before I leave I want you to remove those guys from your phone, and tell them you have a boyfriend."
Her: "No. Why? It's my phone, my life, I do what I want."
Me: "Do you know how that makes me feel? What if I had six other girls texting me all the time?"
Her: "It wouldn't matter, because you probably wouldn't text them!"

I have told her how this makes me feel in the past, the first time I ignored it, now the second time it has really gutted me. This whole time there have been 'Other Guys' texting her. I asked if she engages in conversations with them but denies it. She later admitted that she said it to piss me off and get my attention, but she didn't say that those 'Other Guys' never text her either.

Is she keeping her options open? She says she doesn't talk to them, but let's be logical, if a guy doesn't get a reaction from other women, he will stop. Right?

Is there a lack of mutual respect here? I would never do this to her.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You must really like her because I would have ended this long ago. She clearly doesn't give you the respect you deserve. When she said its her life and she does what she want, you should've been like "Well you obviously don't want me" and that would've been the end of that. But yea that ain cool. I feel like if any other guy/girl is to be brought up while in a relationship, it should be the two of you joking about celebrities (take Brad and Angelina for example) that you assume you will never have anyway. Other than that, no. She needs to get over herself (No disrespect to your girl tho)

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    • I asked her to delete them from her phone and text them that she is now in a relationship. She refused to do this and said "It's my phone, and I do what I want". I responded "If you don't text back, then what does it do for you to see those messages?", she said "It doesn't do anything, they are just texts and I ignore them when I receive them."

      I do not correspond or receive texts from my exes, neither do I have any of them on my phone. The one ex that ever talks to me is on Facebook, but she just sends me invitations to parties, she knows this.

      Even if they are past hook-ups, won't guys stop pursuing the girl if there is no response?

      What does it mean that she doesn't want to delete them? Even if she admits that she never texts them back?

      Should I reall break up with her over this?

    • She apparently feels like she's not receiving enough attention from you if she needs to hear from other guys on a daily basis. I would tell you to get closer, but then she'll probably think you're being to clingy. To me, there's really no winning with this gurl. Jus give her an ultimatum, "Its me or them". If she uses that "Its my phone, my life" excuse again, then tell her she basically jus made her choice. And unfortunately bud, that would mean its best you move on :(

    • Thank you, RaeBae!

What Girls Said 1

  • Texting isn't a crime, she can have friends too you know?

    She is obviously not getting the attention she wants from you and is searching elsewhere for it.

    I had a bf who did that, I made lots of friends (girls and guys) and they talked to me, I ended up leaving him, he got JEALOUS of friends lol wow.

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    • True. Having friends is not an issue. Actually, her ex talks to her and they sometimes run into each other, that doesn't bother me, because I too have ex's that I have become great friends. This I understand. However, she has not disclosed that these are guy friends. The one's that I do know, I have met, these are 'Other Guys', and I have a feeling these might be guys she has hooked up with in the past. Either way, this is an immature way of getting a reaction.

What Guys Said 3

  • Honest opinion here. I would have gave her an ultimatum. Either me or her "friends".
    I don't want to compete with every guy in her phone book all the time.

    And honestly she sounds like a terrible person if she keeps doing this even if you said it makes you uncomfortable.

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  • Sounds like the number 1 reason (infidelity (emotional)) to make her a single woman

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    • Nuclearbuckeye, can you clarify your comment? Are you stating that she is doing this because she wants to be single?

    • I'm saying because she's behaving like this, you need to make her single, dump her sorry ass

    • If she gave a hoot about your relationship, she wouldn't be looking for attention elsewhere or looking for a quick escape route

  • I feel like this is where you went wrong.

    Me: "Hey, before I leave I want you to remove those guys from your phone, and tell them you have a boyfriend."
    Her: "No. Why? It's my phone, my life, I do what I want."
    Me: "Do you know how that makes me feel? What if I had six other girls texting me all the time?"
    Her: "It wouldn't matter, because you probably wouldn't text them!"

    it just sounds as if you two just don't seem to get along very well.

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