Dates: Who should pay and why?

Who do you believe should pay for dates? Personally, I think on a first date, the check should just be split since you both are just trying to get to know each other, I wouldn't want money to get in the way of that.

After that if you two are seriously dating, I think y'all should just take turns. Like I went on a first date with this guy I'd been talking to for a while and he paid for me since I was low on cash at the moment. The next time we go out I already told him I'll pay for. I think that's the most fair option.
What about you?

  • Guy should pay
    18% (3)21% (5)20% (8)Vote
  • Girl should pay
    0% (0)8% (2)5% (2)Vote
  • Split the check
    59% (10)46% (11)51% (21)Vote
  • Take turns
    23% (4)25% (6)24% (10)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think when you first start dating that you should pay for your own meal. Split the bill, but not evenly down the middle. She pays for what she ordered and he pays for what he ordered. I don't believe it should fall upon the person who ask because 9/10 times when a guy and a girl go on a date to a place that involves money, the guy is the one doing the asking. Most girls will wait for the guy to ask. Even if she wants to go. She may even hint that she wants to go out, but she will wait til the guy ask her out. If we follow the "whoever ask should be the one to pay" then the guy will be the one to pay 9 times out of 10.

    So, when you first start dating I think it should be you pay for your own meal. I don't think it should be split evenly because what if I ordered a 25 dollar meal and she ordered a 10 dollar meal? Then we both have to pay 17.5 dollars? She would be paying more money than what she ordered and I would've spent less money on what I've ordered. But if I pay for my meal and she pays for her meal then it's fair. I pay for what I ate and she pays for what she ate.

    Once the relationship starts getting serious, then you can start taking turns. Sometimes split it, sometimes the guy pays, and sometimes the girl pays.

    Bottom line... I'm not going to spend money on a girl that I am just starting to get to know. The date could end up going bad and what happens? I pay for the entire thing and she gets a free meal? And the only reason is because I have a penis and she has a vagina? That's extremely sexist.

    After the relationship is well established then sure, I could pay one day and she could pay the next. We already know we like each other and we're not going out to impress the other person. We're already passed that stage. We're going out to spend some nice quality time together and we know how to interact with each other to the point that who pays is irrelevant.

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What Guys Said 14

  • I think the first few dates should have the man paying for the woman. This gives the man a chance to send her the signal that he is willing to step up and provide for his woman, unlike other men who may not be willing to step up and do that, and it gives the woman a chance to receive that signal from men who will step up, while also giving her a chance to notice the absence of that signal from the men who won't step up. After the first few dates, they can switch over to a split-the-bill method, if they want to.

    I prefer it this way because it allows long relationships to consist mostly of a fair sharing of costs, but it also gives women a way to avoid obvious losers and it gives men a way to separate themselves from obvious losers while generating good will. This is a boon to both.

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  • whoever makes the invitation should be the one who pays, but as the relationship develops, the bill should be split

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  • If you're out with me, I'll take care of you and pay. But I do understand the girls who would rather go dutch because of guys who pay and expect a physical payout because of that.

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  • The one who invited should pay, unless another person offered to split the check.

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    • Again, a lot of girls won't initiate a date or make the first move, even if they like the guy a lot. So 8 times out of 10 the guy still ends up being the one who has to reach into his wallet anytime he wants to hang out with a girl. If both parties are interested and want to go out with the other, I don't see why one person always paying is fair.

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    • @Jesseray- I don't believe that is realistic or fair. I came from a family that lived/lives below poverty and grew up in a trailer park. I've had NOTHING for a long time. When I went to college I still had nothing, I seldom hand change to catch the bus (with the discount that students get). I met my first boyfriend in college, he was in a similar situation/but his economic situation was better than mine as he had a car and finances for his basic living needs/college. When he asked me out on dates, he KNEW that I didn't have any money and he also knew that he had very little. He would improvise and invite me to entertaining places that were free, and would pack a lunch for us. My college gave students free tickets to concerts, museums, shows, est, so there was something we could always do within our budget.

    • -continued, The point of the matter that people can't seem to grasp, is that if you DON'T have the funds, then you DON'T go to places that require those funds. People are getting stupider and commonsense doesn't seem to exist in the dating/social world anymore. Just as with any other event/social gather in your life, you do what is in your means, with people who know your situation and respect you. In other social life situations It is custom to inform a person if they are required to pay for an event, bring their own items, or if there is no cost. Dating is no different. I've been in economic situations where I've barely had the gas to drive down the street, so I'd imagine that other people have been in my shoes. Being poor doesn't mean that you have to isolate yourself from the world until you are economically stable. It just means that you have to be creative, use commonsense, and be around a more understanding social group.

  • Whoever asks the person out shall pay

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  • If its a big issue for her or something goes wrong with my account, Ill let her pay. Other than that I always pay. I just have this major guilt if I don't pay.

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  • Whoever asks out should pay. Point blank.

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    • I agree :)

    • I don't think the person that's taking initiative should always have to pay. As a lot of girls won't ask a guy out, so with your logic, 8 times out of 10 the guy would still be the one paying. I don't see why who asked who is the issue because it's not like you're forcing anyone to come. If you both are enjoying each other's company, I don't see why that would matter.

  • I think guy should pay but once in a while (2-3 dates) you should say i got this!!

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  • Girl is supposed to offer, but the guy always pays. That's what's supposed to happen, but never does

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  • I think guys and girls should take turns. I know that people will say whoever asks out should pay, but really who asks who out most of the time? Guys. Women rarely ask men out because of some bullshit "dating rule", which needs to evolve from its current state.

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    • Lol my point exactly to all these people saying that. I have no problem asking a guy out, if it's obvious that he's into me, why not.

    • Or if its obvious that you like him also.

  • Bitches should pay all the time. Why the fuck do guys always got to pay? Take some fuckin' damn responsibility for once and pay for the date!

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  • i honestly think the guy should pay if he asked the girl out, its called being a gentleman

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    • Eh, there's a difference between being a gentlemen and allowing someone to use you as a cash cow. And just because a guy has manners doesn't mean he's going to have like 50 spare bucks every week, that shit adds up.

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    • @pnl86 Geez finally a guy that isn't blind to this fact! All these guys are like "whoever asked should pay" not seeming to know that more than most of the time they'd be the one asking a girl out since a lot of girls wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. So no matter how they are trying to rule that idiotic statement, they'll still be the ones digging into their pockets weekly to pay for a girl, with this idiotic smile on their face because they somehow think that arrangement is "equal".

    • If the virtue both men and women are trying to pat themselves on the back for is advocating for "equality," consider the fact that BOTH men and women pay into social welfare programs like Obamacare and social security, but women will receive disproportionately MORE benefits from such programs than men will (e. g., contraceptives for women are a covered healthcare expense, but men have to pay out-of-pocket for contraceptives for men; men have ZERO risk of ever becoming pregnant, but are required to take out coverage for maternal care; women have ZERO risk of needing to take Arimadex as part of their hormone replacement therapy for a low male sex drive, and they're not required to have coverage for such an item, and such an item is not a covered healthcare expense; etc.). So, over their lifetime, men have LESS expected life hours, but are required to pay MORE (i. e., spend more time working, have less leisure time). Splitting the check is not too much to ask for.

  • I know several women that would play with a guys emotions, in order to get him to pay for dates. He may ask her out, but she only says yes for a free meal. Splitting the check is the best options to prevent guys from getting used like that. People need to protect themselves.

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    • Exactly. I also know those women and it's pretty fucked up in my opinion. To me, if the two of you are seriously dating then taking turns would be good because that way you're getting a chance to show appreciation for each other in my opinion. But if you barely know each other splitting the check is the way to go.

    • I completely agree.

  • I say split it. That way both people feel fine. Nobody should have the pressure of asking the person out and then having to pay for it. If a girl asked me out I wouldn't want her to for both of out meals. I can pay for my own

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What Girls Said 16

  • For the first date, I believe that who ever asked should pay. My fiancé and I take turns though. Sometimes he'll pay for a lot in a row and then I'll do the same. We don't keep track but we think it's fair.

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  • Go dutch. The dates I've went on, I always paid for myself regardless of who did the inviting.

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  • we split first few times till we're comfortable. then we take turns. after a while, we combine the two. we would take turns planning the date. the person that plans it covers 3/4 of the whole day and the other covers the smaller portion. like he would pay meal and movies, id get tips and desserts.

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  • In regards to the first few dates, the person who asked should be prepared to - and offer to - pay the full cost, but be willing to split the bill if the other person asks to pay for their own share.

    When they're going steady, then they can either split the bill or take turns, whatever suits them best.

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  • First date, definitely the guy. But I really like to take turns.
    From my dating experience i've had (i mainly dated koreans) they paid for everything. But i know that western men are a little bit different and stingy with cash.

    Either way. First date the guy. But then take your own turn. I paid for the 2nd date whenever it got serious. Nowadays me and my fiance always take turns. Lunch he pays, dinner I do. Same with the activitys. Only thing I dont like is splitting. Thats what friends do. Not lovers.

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  • i hate it when people pay for me in general so i try and pay as much as possible

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    • I feel the same. Especially because on first dates and I don't know the guy that well, I don't want to feel like he thinks I owe him something because he paid for a meal.

    • yeah i get that, and last night a male friend of mine turned to me and was like can i get you anything i said no and he went ahead and did it anyway, like we're good friends and all but i almost cried i hate people buying things for me, thats kind of why i hate birthdays and Christmas

  • Well me i would want to split the check or take turns. Either way i want it to be set off in equal terms. i dont like the guy paying for things nor do i like paying for things (sometimes) hehe but splitting the check is the way to go for me

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  • There Is no option for "who asked/initiated the date should pay."

    Thus I did not vote.

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  • I think the guys should always pay. Unless you are in a relationship with this person, then you should take turns. But if it's just casual dating, that's the guys duties

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    • Why do you think it should only be his responsibility though? If you both are going out and having a nice time, why should the cost only be his'?

  • Thu should always split. Your two equal people, unless one want to pay then let them. Also the taking turns thing doesn't work because if it's an odd number of dates then someone's screwed

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  • In my culture the guy always pays. Every guy I've dated always pays and insists on paying even when I offer. To them, it's like a sting on their pride if they don't pay.

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  • Whoever have more money...

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  • If girl asks guy out. She pays. If guy asks girl out. He pays.

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    • I just wouldn't want to go broke just because I want to get to know someone better lol

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    • Also, once you are exclusive, you should ask to split the bill.

    • @ Red- Everyone doesn't have the money to do something period. As I said whether it costs 50cents or $80 dollars. If someone can't afford to do something, then they shouldn't be invited to a place that costs money. ASK if the person can afford to pay their own way/for their own items FIRST. If they can, then proceed. If they cannot then learn to do something free/go places that are free. Just because a couple is going steady doesn't mean that the man or woman is always going to be able to afford to pay for half or anything at all.

  • I agree with everything you said.

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  • I really appreciate people like you! I honestly think it should be split or taking turns. Girls that just go on dates, make the guy pay, then leave are annoying!

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  • Split.

    But the person asking should pick affordable places not knowing how much money the other has.

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