How do you ever trust again?

I was cheated on multiple times and hit by an ex. I wouldn't say he was an abuser because it started towards the end. I would question where and who he was with, because he kept cheating, and this would turn into a fight. The last few fights I got hit and that was the wake up call I needed to leave. I was too insecure to leave a guy who couldn't be faithful, says a lot about my character.

Anyway I spent 2 years single, seeing a therapist and just trying to work on myself.

I met a great guy a year ago and I'm the one fucking it up now. I'm paranoid and untrusting. I basically accuse him of lying and cheating all the time. Because I'm so afraid of trusting again I'm ruining this great relationship.

Is it REALLY possible to trust again because I don't know how? Of course my boyfriend is getting sick of this behavior.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes it is but you must keep talking to him and explain what you went through and you need his help to achieve it.

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    • I think he's getting tired of the talks. He just wants some peace and to act like a couple moving forward.

    • I am sure he does but he needs to understand that What you have been through is awful and if he cares enough about you he will want to help you. In return when you are with him make a big effort to show how much you appreciate him.

  • It's possible but definitely not going to be easy. I have a few questions for you to answer.

    1) Is there any reason to think he is cheating on you? Your doubts are based on: _________?

    2) Is there any suspicious behavior you're worried about? If so, talk to him about it and let him explain that particular behavior. (you will know if he's lying or not) Don't bring it up in an accusing tone, just mention that something is bothering you.

    3) Try not to assume stuff. Ask questions to clarify an action but never assume anything.

    4) Try to trust him. Let him be innocent until proven otherwise. Like above, try to think positively by not assuming the worst case scenario.

    Note that when you do not trust someone... then they will eventually do something.

    Example: if you do something like this constantly, then that person might actually do what you 'assumed' he/she did since you're always thinking like that of him/her.

    Me: Where were you last night? I sent you like 20 messages. I bet you were hanging out with that guy you met the other day. etc etc
    GF: Sorry I went to my grandparents house and I didn't have service there.

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