My boyfriend said he liked me because I'm pretty now I feel like shit?

It felt like all I'm good for is sex. This was after we had sex anf he complained that I put clothes on afterwards because I was cold.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Umm,, I don't know it depends in the way he said it,,
    but i would feel the same way as you do..


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What Guys Said 7

  • It is a painful realization for most of us that men and women do not value the other in the same way. And since what we value seems 'real' what they value seems fake.

    In total honesty, i can tell you that for me, winning a woman over with my personality, and my personal traits and what i've accomplished, seems fake. It hurts. It feels like she doesn't want ME she just wants the nice things i do or the value i provide being capable. Nothing makes me happier than just being wanted for... well more for my looks. Of course that's not usually how it works for men.

    So what he said to you seemed, to him, like one of the highest complements possible. It just doesn't feel like it to you.

    It's useful I guess for men and women to remember to pay genuine complements on the things that matter to the other, even if its not obvious to us why they mean so much.

    And we sort of have to accept that men and women are typically different, and... deal with it.

  • Yea, it depends in the context and how he said this to know if it's bad or not.
    After sex and even during sex I'll tell my girlfriend I love her body. She takes it for what it is, a compliment : ).
    Sounds like he likes your body and wanted to look at it a bit longer, but didn't have the right words to say it.

  • Its better than not being wanted at all isn't it?

    Face it, plenty of men out there just feel undesired altogether for most of their lives. You, as a woman, get the easy street. All you have to do is be pretty and people will like you. If you want him to acknowledge other parts of you, hone those parts. If you're not constantly learning new things or pursuing new and exciting discoveries, don't expect him to call you smart. If you're not cracking jokes all the time or making light of a bad situation, don't expect him to call you funny. And if you're not generous and thoughtful, making an effort to care for him and give him what he wants, don't expect him to tell you that you're nice. But you can take solace that the bare minimum, just APPEARING to be pretty is enough for him and most men in this world, and if thats all you ever accomplish, they won't think any less of you simply because you're a woman. Be happy. A vagina is a fucking golden ticket.

    • Alas, that isn't enough. It's actually really insulting to only be liked for your looks. Really, really insulting.

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    • no i'm not taking my anger out on people i'm stating opinions. based in actual experiences. which is apparently impossible to get through your thick cro magnon skull. what i'm saying isn't some projection of my self esteem onto others. i don't presume to have complete control over their actions, the way they treat me or the way they choose to live their lives, and i especially don't have some kind of magical fucking power that subconsciously influences them to treat me the way i think i deserve. i've been through some terrible fucking shit, none of which you know or understand. hell yes i'm going to judge the world for the face its presented to me and hell yes i'm going to judge batshit crazy dipshits like you who think they can read into some fucking past rejections that i'm just frustrated about and thats my only possible motivations for feeling or believing this way. I'm not that fucking simple minded drone with a default reaction of lash out, i'm a calculated sentient being.

    • My choices are mine to make, my beliefs are mine to have, and who are you to say they're not valid? Who are you to say i'm basing it all in anger rather than reason, lashing out at events you've never seen and couldn't possibly fathom, through eyes you couldn't possibly have seen through or even fucking into. You wanna know the difference between me and the rest of the insecure motherfuckers out there? I KNOW i deserve better. You're perfectly ok with being called ugly while women complain about being called pretty. All you do is suck it up and be a man, rely on the same fucking stupid ass gender roles you're accusing me of expressing. Of course i'm sexually frustrated. Have you seen this fucking site? Have you seen this fucking world? I'd be sexually frustrated if i got laid 10 times a day. I don't give a damn, thats not my motivations for calling girls out on what is clearly hypocritical, ridiculous and self centered. I'm not fooled by the emperors new clothes like you.

  • What did you want him to say? He likes you for your sexy brain? He likes you because you're attractive. He stays with you because of your personality.

    • She wants her boyfriend to appreciate her for her personality, her skills, her ambitions and all the little things in between. No decent woman wants to have her value based purely on her looks.

  • He was being sincere and in the moment. At that moment he felt like complimenting your looks.

    I am wondering have you ever given HIM a compliment?

    Personally I would be happy with ANY compliment WHATsoever. "You have nice elbows" "THANKS".

  • Could you quote his exact sentence?

  • If it bothers you so much then talk with him about it


What Girls Said 4

  • ... I don't see the problem?
    My boyfriend hates it when I re-dress after sex. He loves the skin contact, he loves being able to touch me. You don't spend 24 hours a day nude, and if he wasn't attracted to you he wouldn't sleep with you.

    Would you prefer him to say you're ugly, redress immediately?

    Is it how he said it that's upset you?

    • I don't want him to like me because I'm pretty and we have sex. It just made me feel cheap.

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    • Thank you. Just tell him; it sounds like you have certain rules for the bedroom and I think you need to tell him - pretty is okay outside the bedroom but not inside. I think you need to decide what is okay and what isn't for bedroom. Me personally, I take it as a compliment, but that's just me. If I can help, message me, but I think this is more than the words he used, I think it's something personal to you. Good luck :)

    • Lol I won't deny you're a little stubborn :P Just please bare in mind, guys do say the wrong things, but what happens in the bedroom isn't the definition of your relationship. I'm not saying ignore all bedroom talk, just overlook the sluttier things they say in that room and focus on the other things he does. You'll be alright, just deep breathes next time, okay hun?

  • This is hard to answer because we don't know what your relationship is like. If you've been together for a year or so and you feel he respects you as a person always but then he said this randomly one day, then you shouldn't think much of it.
    If you see him and all he ever does is remark on your looks and ask for sex, then that's a big sign that he's only interested in sex.

    My boyfriend, when he's real horny, sometimes constantly says how sexy I am and can't keep his hands off me when alternatively, he usually says how amazing I am and wants a cuddle. It can be quite annoying when you're not in the mood and sometimes it makes you feel that he's interested in one thing, but I know it's just a moment in time that won't last forever. However, if he was constantly acting like that toward me, then I'd be concerned.

    So I think you need to consider your relationship and in what context he said it in.

  • I wouldn't take it personally, I think men in general aren't good with words the way girls are (we articulate a lot more, we're more expressive in our emotions, etc.). If your only attribute he appreciated was your beauty, he would not be dating you, at least not for very long.

    He (most men) may not realize it, but if he's committed to you, it's because he feels connected to you, can trust you and be open to you emotionally, have fun with you, and enjoy you for who you are and how you impact his life. He probably just answered the way he did because he most likely thinks that's what girls want to hear: that they're pretty.

    If it's still hard for you to understand, you should talk to him about how you felt so you don't build up resentment. And yes, that comes back to bite you later if you let it grow. Vive la communication!

    • You've been widely helpful. Thank you.

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    • Yes, that's exactly what I thought you meant. For me good with words means something else :P

      Won't girls always try to find a deeper meaning though -however precise- one articulates things?
      If one says "you look fine in that outfit", they'd think/say "you're just saying that" or "JUST fine?".

    • Yeah, we have a natural tendency to do that. Through evolution, women have always been the caregivers who have to understand the emotional needs of other people, so it's just feminine nature to try an break down everything for hidden meanings. I think this kind of emotional sensitivity is definitely a good thing and is part of what makes women compassionate and socially skilled. Wise is the woman who understands that communicating with a man requires her to "think like a man" so to speak. Ever wonder why it's somehow so difficult for the sexes to get along in this way?

  • Try not to take it too personal.. Most guys think that telling a girl she is pretty will make her happy. Many guys don't understand what we woman want to be told, and they try their best.

    • ... and what do they want to "be told"?

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    • Pretty much what she said.

    • ITS SO COMPLEX. I for one couldn't think so deeply in such a short space of time!
      Next time I'm asked I'll just smile and say; "I like you because you're you."