Do you think men who don't want to be with a woman who has slept around are "simply" insecure or intimidated and why (details) ?

*This question isn't referring to those who don't believe in "sex before marriage" or religious reasons that conflict with such.

Its not a big issue with me; the most important things in a relationship to me are compatibility, honesty, affection, and fidelity.

I don't care about how many guys a woman has slept with as long as she's honest. Her sexual experience isn't a plus or a minus, in a long term relationship either.

I don't understand why some men won't stay with a woman because she's had too many sexual partners that she was honest about. If she's a good person of high character then why are some men so adamant about being with a girl who is a virgin or inexperienced. Why does this matter to non-religious men?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think they're like that because some men don't want to know that what their girl has done to them has done to someone else. Everyone wants to feel special. You know? And virgin girls are special. They haven't had an experience before. While women who've slept with just say 15 men, it could be intimidating. Or you just simply don't want someone whos slept around a lot. And by that you might feel she's not committed or could lose interest in you faster.

    • Very strong point that you make here. Just to be devil's advocate, though I do agree with you in some ways, : )
      But if she's a girl who cares about her BF/Husband and she's been honest/faithful then why should it matter. If she says she loves him and wants him then should she be viewed as less credible or honest because she's slept with more men?
      What is your opinion.

    • It's not that it doesn't matter, since you wouldn't treat a virgin the same as just say that woman who slept with 15 guys. Even though she loves him and what not, they'll eventually get past it or it just wouldn't matter that much. Because with a virgin, you would try to make things incredibly special to them or it already is to them. But with a woman who's been around the block a few times, it's nothing new..

    • This seems really genuine


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What Girls Said 4

  • I don't think it's fair to label any guy who doesn't embrace dating a woman with who has slept around as intimidated or insecure. Honestly, I think promiscuous women probably tell themselves that to feel better about possibly missing out on a good man because of past sexual decisions they cannot change.

    Realistically, a man could be highly skilled in the bedroom, have the appreciation for a woman's sexual side to make her feel like Aphrodite, and know just the right moves to quench her deepest cravings yet still not be 100% okay with precious promiscuity. I don't think it's necessarily true to negate from someone's sexual potential because they don't view promiscuity the way you do.

    Also, just experience doesn't gaurantee skill. There are experienced dancers and athletes who still lack technique after YEARS of training. Same concept with sex. I've had girlfriends talk about how lame sex was with a guy who was commonly known as being "experienced" yet apparently he sucked in bed. If you're unwilling to learn beyond what you know, too egotistical to consider what you could improve, or you focus on your own pleasure and gratification during sex, then you can sleep around with 100 people yet still genuinely lack devine skill. So you can't just assume that because a woman has been around means she truly knows how to please a man on a measurably impressive level.

    • Yeah true, its a question about these men not an accusation or label against them, lets make that known, LOL!!

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    • You make a good point but there are exceptions in some cases, perhaps rare though as you allude to.

    • I think they may be rare on GAG but not in real life. Anyone who prefers a virgin or specifically wants someone inexperienced probably really does have low self-esteem and doesn't want his girl to see just how underdeveloped he is in bed. But simply being disinterested in someone who's habitually promiscuous? That's different

  • I think that a person that has slept around a lot will make anyone question whether they are able to be in a committed relationship and its not the fact that they had a lot of sexual partners its about not having much relationship experience. Anyone can lay with someone and give their body, it takes a lot more to give your heart and share your soul, and truly be naked with your feeling with someone. A lot of women are scared of commitment just like men and sleeping around so that they won't be tied down is how they deal with it or because they just want to have fun and a person like that does not just transition into a relationship oriented person. I would be somewhat of a skeptic as well if a guy had many sexual partners but little or no long term-relationships that tells me they may not know what they want or be ready or be ready to be in a relationship. I have met guys that don't care about that but the ones that do care always say almost the same thing about how a woman that has slept with a lot of men is used up, might have emotional issues, promiscuous and may cheat. I don't think that is the case for most women but it can be for some I take that into consideration which is why I don't sleep around I don't have a high number of sexual partners and I would like to keep it that way. I never had a guy ask about my sexual past as far as partners but I don't think that should be discussed any way but I guess some people do make a judgment on whether someone is relationship material based on if they are promiscuous or typically have more friends with benefits then relationships.

  • I think men will always prefer a woman with less sexual mileage. Some people would argue that a woman who hasn't slept around would make a better partner, more faithful, of high character, won't be comparing the guy all the time. Also the idea of heaps of cocks having been there before may be somewhat distasteful.

  • If I was a guy I would not date a girl that's been around. What if she had slept with one of my buddies and they knew her as the easy chick and now they see the girl dating me. Nah I would not want to be known as the guy dating the girl that's been around.

    • I see, I understand your point but it seems based off of peer pressure. What if she was honest about it and caring to you (if you were a guy) lol?

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    • That's one thing I would be SO uncomfortable with! A friend knowing what my SO looks like naked, what they're like in the bedroom, and what their sex faces are like. D: what of they masturbare thinking of all my SO's attributes? Hellll no!

    • @wondorous yup I agree👍. Also the thought of them doing sexual things with someone else.

What Guys Said 5

  • I won't get into a relationship with a woman who I know to have had a lot of sexual partners. It has nothing to do with religious convictions or with feeling like she would be comparing me to other men. It has to do with two things.

    First, if I was a woman, I would never allow myself to become a high-number woman due to the risks of pregnancy and STDs. What kind of woman would artificially increase the risk that she would give birth a child without a father? Likewise, what kind of woman would artificially increase the risk that she would give an STD to her future husband? In my mind, that signifies a lack of empathy or thoughtfulness. Hence, I view high-number women as being self-destructive in a way that I simply cannot respect. For me, respect is extremely important.

    Second, it has to do with the fact that I think she's nasty. I know that high-number women don't like to be called that, and I would rather not think that way of them, but I cannot shake the feeling. Despite trying to be okay with it, they repulse me. I think about them the same way that I think about toilets: no matter how well they have been cleaned up, no matter how sterile they are proven to be, the mere history of having that much contact with that much bodily fluid weighs on my psyche enough that I would rather not make contact in a way that would expose my insides (via mouth and urethra). If someone cleaned and sterilized a toilet, would you lick it? I wouldn't.

  • More sexual partners correlate to the girl not being 'trust worthy'. Now, this is the case if she is the type to sleep around or has multiple sexual partners. It is also a hygiene thing... When I think of a girl that has had lots of sexual partners, I only think of her as 'all used up'. Everyone will have a different view and that doesn't make my views better than anyone else's. If the girl has had a change in character and values herself/ her body, then I will respect her. Those are just my views. But guys who wait til marriage are most likely wanting a girl to give them the same favor back, virginity. They want to be paired with someone who has the same values as them.

    I've dated plenty of girls who had other sexual partners and it didn't bother me. What I look for is their character. Do they give it up easy, or do they wait til later stages in a relationship to express those feelings?

  • I'd say more often than not that's the case... Some guys might just see it as a 'hygiene' issue or that she isn't a relationship kind of girl. But many guys are just insecure that a girl who has had her pick of a ton of guys will like them compared to previous ones, in terms of sex they're bound to freak out over the idea she could be a 'size queen'. I'm like you, I don't care... I also don't feel insecure about it, I see it more like if she wanted to be with someone else she would be but she's not.

  • Do I think they're insecure/intimidated? Nope. It's possible, but it's not what comes to mind first.

  • I wouldn't want to date a woman that has slept around, not because I am insecure or because I'm intimidated it's because I would see her as being incompatible. I want to enjoy sexual relations with a woman in the confines of a relationship and I want a partner who feels the same way as I do because that means compatibility.

    I've got nothing against women who do sleep around, their life, their rules and more power to them, but I don't want those women.