Dating multiple guys... help?

I met three guys online all about the same time. I went out with one, D, and had a really great time, but he has gone back home for a month, though he is still keeping in touch. Then I met J when he met me at a bar when I was out with a friend. We totally hit it off, and just recently had another date, that ended back at my place, sliding into third base. I met B and he came to church to see me sing and another time we just wandered around the city talking about everything and ended back at my place, again rounding third...

I don't want to lead these guys on, but I definitely have feelings for at least J and B. We haven't had the exclusive talk (it's literally been two dates for each), but call it my catholic guilt that's making me feel like I'm doing something wrong in seeing both of them, and talking to others. Do I tell them I'm seeing other people? If so, how do I bring that up? Or if no, how long is a right amount of time before deciding between them? Is there a right amount of time? And is there a good way to let the one I didn't choose down? Sorry, I know it's a lot of questions, but I'm really conflicted, and I don't want anyone to get hurt, myself included. Thanks for any help and advice!

Updates:
Told both of them we needed to take it slow, and J asked if I regretted it then just didn't respond, but B told me he agreed and appreciated me for it. Decision made much easier. :) thanks for the advice! :)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You're not doing anything wrong... but I would slow down on the sexual stuff until you've decided on one of them. Dating multiple guys is okay if you guys haven't committed yet, but once any kind of sex is involved it's more complicated. It's kinda soon to discuss exclusivity, but as long as you slow down a bit, it can't hurt to go out with them a few more times and figure out who you have the most chemistry and feelings for. I know it's a bit hard to back track though, once you've already gone to third, but remember it's all about location. If you don't invite them back to your place, or stay at theirs, it can't go too far.

    You can tell them you're seeing other people if you want, and I would if you have sex with any of them, but otherwise you're not obligated to mention it unless they ask. About letting guys down, I would just say he's great and you've had a lot of fun hanging out with him, but there's someone else you really like that you want to be with, and you don't want to lead things on when you have someone else on your mind. Or something like that. Good luck.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Pick one and quit leading them on, right away, before it gets ugly.

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  • So what? Just enjoy your life

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What Girls Said 2

  • It's sort of all right in the beginning. You date people to get to know them so the first few dates are the learn more about you dates. After the first few, you need to make a decision. Part of that decision is the "exclusive talk" were you see where the other person wants to go with things. It seems that you're at that point we're you need to make a decision on who to pick.

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  • If you are going to date multiple guys at once, never get sexual with them. Keep sex out of the equation so that you can think clearly about which guy you'd like to date long term.

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