I don't know what to do anymore?

Everyone wants me to accept reality for the cruel, unforgiving place that it is, fine, I do, I fucking accept it. I will never be happy, I will always hate my life, the world, and myself. See, for so long I wanted to die, I really did, I almost succeeded in doing so, only to be shoved in some fucking hospital for it. Then I got a little better, just a little, I actually felt happy for the first time in a year, so of course, that was crushed, so fuck it, you win, world. The girl I love, she doesn't love me, she won't ever love me, and no matter how hard I try, I can't meet anybody else, even on those stupid shitty dates I've been on. I hate all those stupid couples I see, in nice loving relationships they don't deserve, it's not fair, that they can be loved, but I can't, I hate them so much! I don't care what you think of me, you don't know anything about me, all my life, I've had to struggle and fight, and I've had to do it on my own. I learned to love only myself, and to fight only for myself. I am so sick of seeing people happy, happiness they don't deserve, I mean, if I did nothing, yet still deserve to be miserable, why do they deserve to be happy? It's just, I don't even know what to do anymore, therapy didn't help at all, I can't get medication. I possibly have Borderline Personality Disorder, but my parents won't let me get evaluated for it. I'm so angry, I used to want to kill myself out of sadness, now it won't to do it out of spite. I want to end my life to spite that girl that broke my heart, so she could know that I was thinking about her when I took my own life. I'd even write a note, just so I could mention her, so she could know she made me do it. I don't even care how I felt about her, my feelings are irrelevant, originally I planned to minimize suffering when I took my life, but why bother?

I don't know what to do, every day I get more self-destructive thoughts, especially about her, always about her. Somebody, please help me.

Updates:
And I've never had a girlfriend, what's the point in approaching girls anyway, either they're too pretty and reject me, they're not nice looking and I don't like them, or they're good looking and I still don't like them. Fuck it.

0|0
3|2

Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, I would say something but a strangers opinion doesn't matter and it is your business but I would just like to say one thing I was in the same situation as you kind of based on what you put above. I have a best friend since I was a baby and we turned into more we dated for like 4 years he was my first true love not until he did something really stupid and broke my heart but he never ever said sorry in fact he never even talked to me each time I looked at him he would just laugh and look away that truly broke me so I cut my self so deep I still have ugly scars one my parents found out they treated me like I was some kind of monster. Then I started getting bullied at school, then pushed around so much I wanted to kill myself and the same boy that caused this still laughed. The therapist didn't help at all. I even overdosed on pills. So I thought about it. I'm still really young only 14 I have a future. I thought that in the future i'll find someone else get married have kids ect. Even though I was sad I stayed strong, I was still in pain more people left me I thought I was alone. Then just when I was about to just say bye I thought about my cousin that killed himself, so many people came to his funeral. Even all the bullies that bullied him then I thought of myself in his place I was so scared. I decided to stay for a year and if I still hated my life then I would end it, I can tell you things started to turn up. I stood up to the bullies made them feel sorry for what they did for me, to my ex to g fuck himself and he was just begging me to forgive him, I made new friends, my parents told me that they still loved me, everything is awesome and I am fucking happy that I stayed I still have 80 more years to go! But you know i'm just a stranger , trying to help and you don't need to listen to me. but just think about it

    0|0
    0|0
    • I guess, but, I got pretty much all of that, except I haven't been bullied for a while, and I never got to be with the one I loved. I'd rather be with her and break up than be alone forever.

    • Life is a bitch your just the only one that can control it and you got time just be patient

What Girls Said 2

  • I'm so sorry u r having a hard time. Yes life is tough and fucking unfair. I wish I could help somehow but all I can say is u are still young, u have your whole life ahead of u, don't waste it. In a few years u will look back and laugh at all this shit. There is so much more to life, and it does get better as u get older. Stay strong

    0|0
    0|0
  • 1-800-273-8255
    call this number to have someone help you out! we've all been there at some time or another, but life is full of so many amazing opportunities that you can take advantage of. life is beautiful and there are some people and moments waiting for YOU to make that happen! :)

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 2

  • You need to have a mature conversation with an adult. Thoughts like that can lead you to do evil things. Parents can be destructive to their child, and hide their actions by saying "we know best". Its total bullsh*t.

    Your not 18 yet or if you are, your not in a position to run away and start a new life for your own.

    My honest advice is just be patient and learn how to "love". Be appreciative of things in life, appreciate that you are still alive, and you got a roof on your head. When you are ready, you'll explode and do great things.

    I can relate to you. I was once in your shoes, maybe a different experience. Nobody appreciated me when I was young, and I got bashed for not doing good in high school. I hated high school, everyone seemed like a mindless zombie to me. I didn't want to go to college, because I knew what I wanted to do in life. And Im doing what I had hoped to do. I got a good job. and I got a stock broker account. The rest of my highschool peers are still doing the work-school cycle, work to pay off their debts, and go to college to fail again.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Get help immediately. You have some serious issues. Can a mental health provider and see what options you have.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...