Why is it considered shallow to want to date people you're attracted to?

Its human nature, for one. But I'm not saying looks are the only thing but they are a part of the thing. If I think a guy is nice and funny and smart, and I feel a connection to him, I will end up finding him attractive at one point, most likely.

Example: met a guy once and he wasn't attractive to me but I felt a connection and then found him cute. When the connection died I stopped finding him cute.

However there's some people who I just don't find attractive at all, in any way, and while they're cool I can't just make myself feel it... I hate using the word "ugly" but that's what I'm talking about. How am I supposed to date someone I feel uneasy kissing?

Same extends for very overweight guys. If I'm not feeling any attraction even if they're cool, why should I fake it? How is that shallow?

Example: a guy who is unattractive flirted with me when I was out with my mom. Later she told me she knows he's unattractive but he's sweet so I shouldn't be so shallow and I should have gone for it.

That doesn't make sense to me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree, I don't get it! Like what are you supposed to do, date someone that you aren't at all physically attracted to, just because they have a good personality? All that is, is faking feelings and that seems wrong. You don't control who you're attracted to. Oh yeah, but if you don't date him you'll be insulted and criticized for "friend-zoning" him. It's annoying.

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What Guys Said 8

  • I think that, no matter how good looking or "ugly" someone is, there is still a certain level of natural respect you give someone, and some girls do not know how to do this when someone who they find unattractive talks to them. For example, if a girl talks to me that I find unattractive and she's flirting with me, I would show her respect and, not really flirt back, but talk to them like a confident, mature human being, in a non condescending kind of way. I would treat her like we're on the same level, because... we are. I would make sure she got the message that I'm not interested sexually, but also that I respected her, not only for having the confidence to talk to me, but also because 9 times out of 10 she does deserve a great person that finds her attractive and I want her to keep the confidence so she can get there. Unfortunately, some girls can laugh, or be rude, or think the guy is "beneath them" just because they aren't interested. THAT is being both shallow and immature. "Shallow" isn't really a type of personality, but more like an emotion. Like "mad", or "happy". I'm not saying you're like this because I don't know you, but this is my opinion on the subject.

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    • You think unattractive people get disrespected?

    • Yes I do, and I know because I see it happen the time. I'm never disrespectful, because I know there's more about a person than looks, much more. However, people I know are disrespectful to girls all the time. Ever been with a group of people meeting up with a group of people and the guy pegs the "ugly girl" right away? Nobody talks to her the entire night. It's the same way with girls too. The girls won't give the "ugly guy" the time of day. It's horrible, but it's how it is and I always feel bad for that person. It's this "attitude" that is the exact definition of being shallow. Someone who doesn't get equal opportunity due to looks. Happens with jobs too, everywhere.

    • That's a good point!

  • It's all about self acceptance. Nor everyone will find you attractive and vice versa. Honestly though there are people out there who will disrespect you because you don't match their idea of attractive. It's human nature to find things attractive and unattractive. Everyone has dealt with this so I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. At the same time though it does suck when you are denied because the person doesn't view you as an attractive person physically. Some people can deal with it easily and some people get angry and spiteful and start blaming others for a simple preference. Tbh girls don't see me as physically attractive and I'm okay with that because I know that because girls don't find me physically attractive it would have never worked out anyway. At the end of the day you have to be selfish and look out for your best interest and what makes you happy. I was in a relationship with a girl who stayed with me because I was "nice" and ended up cheating on me because I wasn't physically attractive to her.

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  • There's nothing wrong with having preferences, even physical ones.

    That said, I might consider it shallow to ONLY care about looks (for example, someone who would date an insanely physically attractive person even if they were a complete asshole/bitch, or had nothing going for them, etc.), but not to care about looks + other things.

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  • Because ugly people get jealous and need something to call you.

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  • I do not think it is shallow. Some people call me shallow for wanting a cute girlfriend but I have still yet to find one that also found me cute!

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  • i think this article can explain why a lot of guys get bitter and resentful towards women:www.cracked.com/...-are-trained-to-hate-women.html

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  • I think it's shallow to date someone you aren't attracted to. It's not fair to them if you are just settling

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  • People have unreasonable expectations on how they should be loved, and admired, while at the same time, mostly lacking the traits that attract others. So they make fun of anyone that hurts their feelings by not pretending to only care about the things they want them to care about. While at the same time being shallow themselves.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I don't think it is shallow. Everyone has own preferences. But if you judge people according to their looks, then your behavior is shallow let me say.

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  • Its not shallow unless the attraction is the only thing you care about.

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