Dating a guy who is not yet divorced?

What is everyone's (decent) opinion on dating a guy who has filed for divorce with his wife but asked me on a date? I'm a bit sceptical about this because I'm not sure how this kind of thing goes down. He's still married but in the process of getting divorced.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, tonight is your lucky night lol (quite literally, it's almost 5am right now and I was about to go to sleep).

    I'm a divorce attorney in New York, and, my womanizer uncle is currently going through his own divorce (which I'm not representing him on).

    Since the beginning of time, men have wondered what the BEST thing for maximizing their changes with other women would be, short of winning the lotto. It is a puppy? Is it being seen with a baby? Nope. None of the above. For some fcukn' reason, it's a MARRIED man that's CURRENTLY IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING A DIVORCE. Oh wow. That's the emotional roller coaster women need to get sucked right in. I mean, another woman dated him, even married him, so (pre-selection) how bad can he be? I'm sure they're also getting divorced because it's ALL HER FAULT (he's perfect). I'm also sure they're actually going to get divorced, and it's almost over. Right? (I don't know, divorce papers filed to the court are public record, and family court proceedings not related to children are also generally openly public for complete inspection, so you can see just how far his divorce is moving along.)

    My grand-master uncle's experiences (that's right, some of these are trade secrets):

    1. Russian baby sitter. When I saw her, I could swear I had jerked off to her in some British Glamour Model photo shoot video where she still had her clothes on, or like she was the girl on the sexiest page of some Victoria's Secret catalog. This woman was head over heels for him, because she wanted SOMEONE in her life, and who better than a man who was being milked by his evil wife who used the kids against him, but he still wanted to take care of because they were his kids and she still needed his help (aww). Additionally, 9 years ago, he was "in the process of getting divorced." 7 years ago, he discontinued the divorce action (i. e., stayed with his wife). That's right, they hired a new babysitter.

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    • 2. Miss Poland 2000- something. He was already in the process of moving out of the house and looking for another place, but he told her, "I can't stand being there any more. It's just so unbearable, both because it's a toxic environment for me, and because I constantly miss you. So, if you would be interested, I was thinking of looking for another place to rent for the time being, and maybe - if you want - that could be our place, together?" Like a dumb catfish looking down the chamber of a loaded shotgun. All of a sudden, a vision of her future with her new recently-divorced husband and perfect man of her dreams flashed before her eyes, how caring, how thoughtful, she felt wanted, she felt important, she felt "more important" than this "other woman," and before you knew it, that's what it became about with her, a competition to "claim him" as "hers" and lead him "away" from his "ex-wife."

    • Show All
    • Ok. He's moved out, living in a different area about a 3.5hour drive away from her and their 2 children one still a baby. They getting divorced due to financial reasons. filed about 4 weeks ago. He goes to visit his kids every 2 weeks. ?

    • Go to you state's trial level court of general state-wide jurisdiction, log onto their computers or ask the county clerk to pull up the records for you if they're still not digitized, and go through his file. The court where the divorce action is filed is the first step, because only that court can grant a "divorce," but the "family court" (a separate court) handles issues regarding equitable distribution, support, and maintenance. So, you may also need to run to the family court to snoop around - nothing wrong with looking at public records. I'm more interested to see why he's only seeing his kids every 2 weeks (and for how long), etc. You also want to see if he's living away by "choice" or by "court order" (i. e., because he's violent). But divorce proceedings are not a man datability audit report. So, can you give us all some more insight and visibility into who he is and what he's done and said with respect to you so far?

What Guys Said 1

  • Until his divorce is don't sleep with him.

    May fuck his finances/divorce proceedings up (has he told his lawyer about you yet?). Also until he's actually divorced, you may be facing liability. In my state, it's illegal to sleep with a married person.

    So, just be cautious.

    Plus there's the whole rebound thing. He may be looking for some affirmation that he's still got it. He might just be wanting some hot sex because his wife has been neglecting him for years, etc, etc.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Don't wear your heart on your sleeve too soon, miss_dior, for he could be Just Telling you This, making you believe that he has done This, but in essence he is----Having his sweet cake and eating it two by Cheating on his wife while with you.
    Unless you have full proof Pudding Proof that he is Not with her anymore, has moved out, lock, stock and barrel from her, then it's your choice, your call whether you want to hang in there and see if "Seeing is believing,' or give him his walking papers and tell him to call you when he has a Handle on the Ex honey and these Divorce papers in hand.
    Good luck. xx

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    • It's tricky because who do you trust in this kind of situation. Thanks for your advice!

    • Trust Your Own Instinct, and you seem smart for even asking some advice... He May or may Not be Doing this, May be just Thinking of doing it, and May be talking and squawking with the other half of Maybe doing it, but whether or not there have been trips to the lawyer's office remains to be seen... Find out if he is living alone first, and if not, they are not even separated...

    • ... And you are most welcome... xx

  • Shady situation.
    You should never trust a man who will mess around with another woman while he is in a relationship or worse *gulp* MARRIED. Even if he is in the process of getting divorced, I think it's really tacky for him to put you both in such awkward situations. For his wife, that must feel terrible like it was easy for him to just move on. For you, that kind of makes you look like a homewrecker and one of the most major rebounds of his life. D:

    I wouldn't trust it girl! Don't do anything until his divorce is official. Try to avoid getting involved because it could be one big mess that ends up troubling you!!

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  • don't do it. there are too many unattached single men without the baggage for you to go inserting yourself into that.

    besides men will lie in a minute and all you know is what he TELLS you. there was a guy who tried to talk to me about a year ago and he was supposedly in the process of divorcing his wife... guess what... they are still together and were living with each other the whole time. unless you work at the court where he files his documents, you have no way of knowing if he really is getting a divorce or if he's just saying that to sound better

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  • I think it is not good idea to be with him. Wait him until he gets divorce.
    If he truly loves you, he will wait you no matter what. No need to hurry.

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  • You mean more to him than his wife :) I mean, he's willing to file for divorce to be with you. So you can go ahead and have him. :) That's what I think. Might be a bit immature though... :3

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  • Once I filed for divorce and moved into a separate home, I felt free to date. The ring was off.

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    • He has moved out and away but only filed for divorce 3 weeks ago

  • Leave that shit alone tell him you have standards so call me when you are officially divorced.

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