Clarify or Let It Go?

I dated a guy for several months from about Nov-Feb and think we made a good pair. The only problem was he would usually ask me for weekend dates on Thursday nights, often after I'd made other plans. I wasn't offended by the last minute gesture and accepted several last minute invitations when I didn't have other plans. However, since he didn't ask every weekend, I would go ahead and accept invitations to do other things or otherwise make other plans if he hadn't asked me out by Tuesday or Wednesday. The last two times he asked me out (on Thursday nights), I had to turn him down due to other plans. He may have thought I was making up excuses, but I wasn't. I felt especially bad about having to turn him down the last couple of times because he had recently sent me flowers for Valentine's Day. I just couldn't wait until the last minute every week. We never discussed it - he just stopped calling. II wonder whether I should try to contact him to clarify, or simply let it go now that it's been several months since I heard from him. What do you think? If I should contact him, then how should I go about it and what should I say? For example, I thought about sending him congrats text the next time his favorite football team wins and see if I can start a conversation and then try to work it in. How do I work something like that in? Specific language would be greatly appreciated as the very notion is very awkward for me.

  • Let it go
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  • Text him and bring it it up if he responds
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  • Call him
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What Guys Said 1

  • Please, I mean no offense, this is just how I look at. He is done with you because you spend a lot of your time with friends doing other things and are simply too busy to be in a committed relationship. Sounds like your lives make dating during the week hard, yes/no? So that leaves the weekends. For me, my girlfriend comes first over my friends, hands down. If I want a relationship and I am serious about trying to make it work, I will prioritize my time to accommodate the relationship, not my friends. You didn't mention how often you called him to make plans. I have to assume he was calling you more than you called him. There does come a point in time where the guy is starting to realize that he calls most of the time, and half the time he does call you aren't available. That doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me. I would be turned off by that and lose interest pretty quickly. I would not be interested in someone that I feel like I have to compete with all her friends to get some time with her. Before you call him, I think you need to ask yourself if you really like this guy and truly want a relationship with him that you can commit to.

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    • Not offended and appreciate the perspective. Yes, I did initiate contact with him quite a bit. From my point of view, his not asking me out every week/weekend and waiting until Thursday to ask me about the weekend meant that he only wanted to see me when he had nothing better to do. I did not put my friends ahead of him. It's just that there were weekends when he did not ask me out at all. How would I know which weekends would be "no dates" versus "last minute dates"?

    • I see. Well, there was still a lack of communication from where I see things which lead to more questions and wondering versus a clear understanding of what each wanted.

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