He has herpes and I really don't know what to do?

I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months. I have seen him a lot throughout the time we've known each other, but I have put off the sex. I am a virgin therefore I am extra careful. I am not a virgin for religious reasons I just want to be sure before I give myself to someone that that is the right person. A month into dating he told me he had genital herpes. He a couple pills to control outbreaks and hasn't had one in quite some time. At first I didn't know how to deal with it since I already liked him so much, but after a few days of thinking I decided it did not define him. He is accomplished, driven, and handsome. When I'm with him we tease each other like we've known each other for longer. We have sleep overs and he makes me breakfast. All the romantic stuff. Last night the topic I've been trying to put off came up. He wants to be with me and he told me what I already knew I would have to decided sooner or later: will I be willing to do it knowing the risks and develop the relationship further or not? I can't make this decision mainly because I don't know what I mean to him and if he has deep feelings for me. What are your thoughts?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • That's a really tough situation. Honestly, the social stigma of herpes is much worse than the actual virus. However, it's obviously still not something anyone would want. I think you should just hold off on the sex for a while longer. Think about it some more, gauge your feelings for him and how well he treats you, if you're a good match then you can make that decision for yourself.

    And I will say this, even condoms don't 100% protect against herpes because it spreads by skin to skin contact. The condom does not cover everywhere that the virus may be. It is also possible for the virus to spread even if he is not having an actual break-out. Viral shedding is still present on certain days of the year. I think the number one thing you should do is research the virus itself and possibly talk to a healthcare provider about other ways to prevent the spread of the virus besides just condoms.

    This is a big decision. It's true that his virus does not define him and if you truly love him, then you may be willing to take this risk. It is, however, a big risk and you should think long and hard before making any decision when it comes to getting physical with him.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Many people do and don't even know, really, it's harmless in most cases. The issue is where it's not harmless or you get an outbreak somewhere you don't want like your face. Think of if like bacteria. They're all over you, mostly harmless. It's only if you have a serious condition or have some Immune system problem that they start causing you problems. If in doubt, ask a doctor.

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  • there are plenty of accomplished, driven, and handsome men out there without an STD. I'd say move on and stay away from him. My thoughts are that he'd love to sleep with you!! but aside from that... I'd be leery of the number of women he's been with. Sounds like he doesn't make good decisions sexually in life.

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  • Herpes are for life

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What Girls Said 2

  • Personally I wouldn't do it at all, risking a sexually transmitted disease one that u would have for the rest of your life would be disaster. U would have to know he was the one to even think of going there coz if it doesn't work out and u catch it u are going to have to tell every single person your in for the rest of ur life u have that and u know what... that could cost you your one true actual love as he might not want to risk it. Be his friend but seriously sex wise STAY AWAY!
    x

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  • Honestly, with him... I'd say wait until marriage. Genital herpes isn't as bad to have, especially if you are looking at the person, but it's not worth having over a temporary boyfriend. Having it will make your dating life limited.

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