Why can't I get dates like everyone else?

So lately I feel like I never really get attention from guys, like actual flirting, and I can’t figure it out. Like I can’t be that terrible right? Over the weekend I was out with my bff and noticed how she was getting all the numbers left and right and I got one (pretty sure it was just because his friend was flirting with mine) even though we were right next to each other all night. And like I’m totally happy for her but I feel like I have everything she has too, so why is there such a dif? I think about everything and it doesn’t make sense.
Like I don’t think I’m that attractive but I’m probably at least average. There were 3 instances over the weekend where I heard guys saying I was hot (and yes I know it was about me haha) and like I turned and smiled at them, they smiled, but that was it. My friends do the exact same thing and the guys start a convo and bam they have a million dates. I can count the number of real dates I’ve been on with my hands. And I haven’t turned anybody under the age of 25ish down since high school. My guy friends tell me that I look pretty or are cute and great or smart all the time, so why do I not have guys flirting with me? What could be the problem? And more importantly, how do I fix it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • So... just one question? If you do answer it, please use details if you feel like. How do you see yourself?

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    • With the risk of sounding conceited, 90% of the time I'm convinced I'm great. And when I'm feeling off (like today ha) it's when I'm by myself. When I'm dressed up I do think I look pretty, like I'm a zero and in shape so it could be worse. I do think I say stupid stuff a lot. Which I hate but it doesn't keep me from talking haha

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    • ok, just sent you a message I think lol

    • Thanks for MHO, hope things are working better for you!

What Guys Said 5

  • Forget what you look like. Let's assume that you look fine.

    Walk us through what it is that you "do" when you identify a guy that you're interested in.

    Also, walk us through what it is that you're "thinking" when you're out in public and in a social setting. How do you feel about yourself? Why are you there? Who are you to men? If a guy walks up to you and starts talking, are you interested in dating? Do you want to give that off? Do you have any issues with giving off that you're available? If you see a guy you're interested in, do you have any issues interacting with him? How would you like that party or social setting night to end up for you, ideally?

    Ever notice how some guys just have that "walk" or a certain way they "carry" themselves or move about that's sexy? Masculine? Something about it is so sexually attractive, but you can't quite put your finger on it. Well, same thing goes for women. This is especially true for strippers and dancers. Where does movement start from? Where does the body begin to move? How does the body know where or how to move? It thinks, it feels, it acts. Movement starts in the mind. The mind tells the body how to move.

    Anything from tensed up muscles, to tight and tensed movements and body language indicate something more unattractive than a physical injury or disease, but lack of emotional tranquility and contentment inside the mind. Mark Twain used to say, "Confidence is the marriage between arrogance and ignorance." That perhaps explain why we find "confidence" attractive, mistakenly, of course. Confidence causes other to falsely conclude that we're genuinely tranquil and content within our mind, emotionally, regarding ourselves, and our place in society and this world, when in reality, we either over-estimate our positives or are simply ignorant of such comparative or critical analysis (i. e., ignorance is bliss).

    If you let us get under the hood, I promise to turn you into a playful vixen by the end of the month.

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    • If anything, I have too much confidence especially when I'm out haha. Maybe that's part of the problem? I'm not cocky about it though and I go out of my way to appear friendly. I don't throw myself all over guys though, I'm not looking to just hook up and feel like that's the message it sends. I usually just do the whole smile, look away, look back smiling/look him up and down, etc. (maybe I'm clueless and have that act down wrong but it's what everyone else does). If I have the luck of a guy coming up to me I just flirt and make casual small talk - not like I'm mentioning relationships or further commitment and scaring them away hah. Honestly I never doubted myself until this weekend.

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    • How many people do you honestly believe could do what you're doing right now? Being honest with yourself, being critical of yourself, being fair to yourself, and having the emotional awareness and skills to go in there and correct your thinking to constantly be making yourself into a better and happier person... unfortunately, not many people can do that. And as a result, of that emotional ignorance or inflexibility, a long-term relationship with those other kinds of people is quite dreadful. But besides the negatives of dealing with those people on the day-to-day, there's the bigger negative of "not having" the right person next to you on the day-to-day, to talk with, to handle life together, to get through tough times together, to support one another, to listen and care for each other, and to help make the world an easier place. Sex and finances are important, but so is the emotional aspect of a relationship that's what keeps two people together voluntarily and willingly.

    • In closing, I want to just talk about a business custom originating from Switzerland. In Switzerland, there's a customary 10 to 30 minutes of "bullsh*tting around" before any business is allowed to take place. The custom's roots come from the fact that in any long-term business relationship, satisfaction with "the ability for both sides to work together" is more important than "the benefits each side has to receive from working together." Harvard Business School phrases this slightly differently, where the "ability to cooperate" is more important than "the benefits from cooperation." That's why, at the Harvard Club, no business is allowed to take place. People can socialize for hours or days there, first... and then go somewhere else to transact business. The most important quality you should lead with is "who you are" from the inside, not with the "benefits" of interacting with you. If you understand "why," and feel comfortable with yourself, meeting guys should be easy.

  • I find the girls who flirt, and attract all the guys are also the bitches who end up with loser boyfriends, pregnant, and used like objects.

    Would you rather flirt with 100 guys and nothing come of it but drama and suffering? Or would you rather flirt with the one and be happy.

    Be yourself. The people who are interested in YOU (and not just flirting) will find you.

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    • Thanks this did make me feel a little better!

  • Show some pix of your and your friend, and maybe we can point something out?

    It may be possible that you look too good, and guys are intimidated.

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  • maybe your so special all the guys think your out of there league :)

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  • I cannot get dates either. I am the only one of my peers and I f

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