Dating exclusively for over 3 months, but he still goes on the dating site where we met?

I met this guy on a dating site, and we've been dating for over 3 months exclusively. We had the exclusive talk, and said we were not seeing anyone else. I stopped going on the dating site because I like him a lot and want to see where things go, but my friend told me that she saw him 'online' on her feed yesterday... I know we haven't had the 'official' talk, but it still stings that he was on it. I don't know what he's doing on there, could just be friendly chatting, but he could be still searching... and that makes me feel uneasy. He had even suggested an event to go to together a month from now, so we do make a lot of future plans... but now this is making me feel uncertain.

What should I do? :( Should I ask him where he thinks we stand, or disregard it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • i see your point, you must be thinking why the player always found a way to get to me, and i thought you may experienced this before , otherwise would not be kind of sensitive

    as your can see , dating sites did have the magic power to comfort a lonely single man by creating a miniaturized social mechanism , with a quantity of delusion of UI design, the poor man genuinely thought he was connecting to the other one, even he was a ghost (just like me, by the way at the mean time i'm typing these words, i'm oning 5 dating sites and no one ever say hi to me and possibly something to do with my look aha ha ha )

    that will come to this , your guy haven't get enough positive charging from your over 3 moths exclusively date to fight off his long sneaky aloneness.

    who didn't have doubt? whether it came from past or present, but the most explicitliest we can't let this uncertain thoughts to seek the other one, infect them and breed in , that would only cause loop

    i know i know, we guys dying to try propagate as further as possible through different females, just like we got nothing better to do naturally, and i think you should confirm this issue on your own

    So despite of you're in a relationship , girls@guys is sort of dating site, right?

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    • Wow, thank you for your response. Yes, I have had experiences with 'players' and uncommitted guys only looking for fwb. I am definitely more reserved with my emotions because of this...

      After reading you say if he hasn't gotten enough positiveness from me over three months and that's why he's still going on the site... that definitely made me think. And maybe you are so right. Maybe he's just dragging me along until he finds someone better :/ That's really sucky to think, because it feels like we're on the same page all the time... but maybe I am missing the mark. I feel like I should inquire about it to him... because I know what I want, and I don't want to be the 'fall back' girl. I also only come on here to ask questions, I don't converse with people other than in my questions

    • of course you came there for the questions, we knew, but your guy did not. the same as your concern,
      see, what a true disambiguation is

What Guys Said 4

  • As an expert in the field, I can tell you he is almost certainly of the serial dater mentality and looking for the next best thing. He may even still be dating on the side. After three months, this is not proper behavior and although it may hurt, you might want to strongly reconsider your relationship with this man and not make it official if and when the time comes. Three months is an unspoken commitment, and signing on is figuratively cheating.

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    • Thanks, it's really bugging me. And that's how I feel - by three months, I feel like he should know if he wants to be with me or not. I'm getting annoyed where I am going to ask him, and if he says he's still unsure, I am not going to waste my time until he is ready... or will break it off if he finds someone "better". I have more self-worth than that. I won't be able to see him until the weekend, which completely sucks. I really want to talk to him about it now, but it would only be by phone... which I shouldn't do, right? I'm just emotionally exhausted. Thank you so much for replying!

  • Before jumping to conclusions... chickity check yourself before you wreck yourself!

    1) Do you know why he logged on to the dating site? Sure, we can assume the worst and say he's a serial online dater like JoshuaPompey. But as Encolpius said, people change their profiles after getting more serious - which also means having to log on. You have no idea why he accessed the page, only a suspicion that...

    2) ... he did access the page? Are you sure? Could your friend be mistaken? Could she be sowing confusion on purpose?

    I wouldn't go off the deep end just because he logged on, just like it would be a stretch to say that a guy who looks at nekked internet chicks once in a while is an addict and unsure about his gf.

    Call him out on it, for sure! But give him the benefit of the doubt when you do. If you start getting accusatory, he can just as easily make a new profile and continue doing it under your nose, making it harder for you to address this issue head-on.

    Let him have a chance to form a valid response for what happened: HOW he says what he says is going to tell you almost everything you need to know about him right now. Maybe he has good reasons to be logging on, and you have the right to be aware of them.

    If he gets fidgety, starts coming up with lame excuses, or starts denying it altogether, mark it as a big red flag. You can still use the conversation to explain your expectations and figure out if they match his; if you can't come to an agreement, then you can start asking yourself if it's a dealbreaker.

    Right now, though, I wouldn't sweat it. Use this as an opportunity to start a conversation about your expectations as dating exclusively. Don't let the opportunity pass you by!

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  • After I became official with my girlfriend, I replaced my "about me" stuff on all the dating sites I had used with a statement that I was in a relationship, and eventually just cancelled my accounts when it was obvious that we were heading towards marriage.

    I would talk to him about it, because a relationship needs to be built on transparency and honesty.

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    • We are 'exclusive' not yet 'official'... but it still stings a little :/ If you don't mind me asking - did you two have a 'we are official' chat? Were you still on the site prior to being official?

      Thanks for your input - it just shocked me because I thought we were on the same page with having an 'exclusive' talk. I'm not really sure I feel right now... I want to talk to him, but hearing this also makes me feel a little differently about him :(

    • Both of us really were exclusive after a few days of talking, but we didn't have the talk about being exclusive or official until a month into it. We had talked over 40 hours on the phone that month, so we didn't feel it was too soon.

  • Just ask him about it jesus

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    • I will, I just wanted to hear what peoples' input was...

What Girls Said 2

  • It sounds like he's keeping his options open, he may not, but it really seems like it. :/

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    • Thanks, it would really hurt if that was the case... we did have the 'we are not seeing other people' talk, so I thought he was on the same page...

  • I don't think it's that exclusive in his eyes. He's not even trying to hide it, or he'd at least use a different site.

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    • Thanks :/ That's how I felt after hearing about it, but there's a part of me that's hoping it's otherwise :(

    • It's his problem, he just found somebody who was loyal without any questions, and he possibly fucked up.
      You should ask him what he was looking for on the site, if he says a proper relationship, ask him where he thinks you're headed maybe.
      He will try to use the excuse about you hadn't had the talk yet probably, but really most of the time nobody has that talk, it just happens because you both know and don't need to be told.

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