How do I date with the intention to find a guy who will want to show me to his parents and eventually marry me?

I don't want to end up dating somebody for them to ditch me when I get to 28 (about when I want to start a family) for a younger, more fertile woman in her early twenties. This is really important for me as I only graduate from university when I am 24, will have a proper career when I am 26, leaving me little time to pop two or three children out while keeping my career on track at the same time.

How can I make sure that he's absolutely committed to the relationship and wants to start a family with me one day - and won't ditch me because of my declining fertility?

Thank you! :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I cannot answer your first question, other than telling you to learn to kick your heart to the curb and listen to your gut, instead, when looking at a guy.

    Speaking from a guy who was very loose sexually, I can tell you the kind of guy who will NOT want to marry you. (Even if he shows you to his parents, who might have seen twenty other girls just like you in the past)

    He will insinuate, talk about sex, get frisky, want to "touch" you, want to get close (no matter how nervous you are, he will override that) and eventually try and get sex from you.

    That kind of guy, even if he says in his heart, "I will eventually marry her." will not. Search this website for the girls who gave a guy sex before marriage, and how the guy (Sadly sometimes even fathering a kid with them) is straying and the relationship is dying.

    In my opinion, sex before marriage destroys everything. So don't. If he refuses to respect your boundaries, he's not marriage material, nor would he want to marry you.

    Always trust your gut.

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    • So are you saying that a guy wouldn't marry a girl who had sex with him before? That would be scary as sexual compatibility is fairly important in a relationship, no?

    • He usually will not. Why would he? He already got the reward for his due diligence. It's like paying someone fully in advance for a job.

      There's more to life than just "Sexual compatibility". So you are saying he might not have a penis? Does he need to make sure you have a vagina?

      You must be talking about "chemistry".

      If a man spends the time to get to know his woman, in celibacy, it can take months or more for him to know that he knows that he knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.

      Where can you go to find more intimacy than sex? Isn't sex the height of bonding for two human beings? If you do not have the foundation built on celibacy to fall back on, then there's nothing there.

      Search on this website for all of the women saying, "Why doesn't he love me anymore?" after they were in a relationship with a guy. What's the common theme... They were all having sex before they were married.

    • If the guy you are dating truly, truly truly loves you, guess what, he will do *anything* to be compatible with you sexually. Guess what, it will come together. Sex is so uncomplicated, where did this idea you need to somehow be "compatible" or "experienced" ever come from?

      "I have forgotten how to thrust!"

      "I don't know how to be still!"

      Really?

      Search this site for the women who have sex with a man very early on. Without fail the guy loses interest in her. It is the same if you have sex with him before marriage, but the longer you wait, the longer your relationship will last.

      Life is not easy. Everything that is worth getting is going to take effort, time, and sacrifice. Sacrificing what you want temporarily, for something that will last a lifetime.

What Guys Said 3

  • You should watch the movie "Think like a man". It's based on your fantasy.. ahem.. I mean uh.. goal. I can't believe that girls actually put all this before the fact whether he loves you or not. If he loves you then all that career and commitment and children and care and blah blah? That will be taken care on its own, So? Look for someone who loves you like you are magic and for that you'll have to work at it too. And fertile? what the hell? I wouldn't give a shit if my girl was like less fertile or 28 provided that I really really love her and she returns that feeling. Hope this helped, it was a little rude perhaps but it was the truth as you asked it.

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  • First don't date an asshole or a guy who just wants you for sex. Second of all, 28 is young and you won't be declining fertilely. My sister is 33 and had her first kid. You have plenty of time to have kids and still be fertile. If you find a guy and start dating him tell him straight out that you want these things. If he doesn't want the same, then you know you didn't waste your time with him. Just don't mention it on the first date.

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    • why not on the first date. its not going to change from first to second so why waste her time? if he wants this things it shouldn't bother him to knows whats up. if he doesn't she can walk away.

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    • I think the guy may be right... Conversely if a guy came up to me and said I want to get married and have 5 kids it might freak me out a bit, but maybe less so a few dates in. Either way, got to let him know your feelings about that kind of thing at an early stage!

    • Yeah give it a few dates and ask a guy what his plans are for the future are and if he wants kids. And don't be discouraged if your life doesn't follow these plans to a T, sometimes in life stuff pops up that puts your life on a different track and you got to deal with it.

  • You have to date a lot of guys because you can't know in advance who the good ones are. It's not like that.

    That's why you have that proverb about kissing a lot of frogs before you find your prince.

    If you don't date, and make the investigations, then you're playing a dangerous game.

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What Girls Said 2

  • my friends sister just had first kid at 42... plus you can always adopt.

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    • I don't think I'd be happy having a child that wasn't biologically mine. I know it sounds selfish, but I think it's evolutionary nature to want your own genes passed on.

  • "fertile woman!!!". We are in 21 century lol! women are no more machines for breeding.

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