First date with girl who's in a "complicated" relationship?

Hello there, I'm new here! I'm hoping someone can help me out, and it would be great to get a girl's opinion on my situation! :)

So I met this girl at a party the other weekend and I think we really hit it off. I was very attracted to her and I'm sure she felt the same way about me. We cuddled up together, held hands, with lots of flirty eye contact, we even gave each other hand and head massages. In the end I decided to offer her a lift home, she accepted and I thought everything was going great.

On the way to the car, however, she told me that she didn't want to give me the wrong impression, that she was actually in a "complicated" relationship.
I let it slide, as if nothing had happened, and we continued to talk about other things on the way to her home. Again at her doorstep the relationship issue came up and she used the word "confused" when describing her current relationship. She told me that HE had actually heft her, before they had got back together again.

In the end we left it on a high note, with a nice hug and arranged for a "first date" coming up now on Friday.

My questions are the following:
- Is it OK to tell her that I like her or that I am attracted to her on the first date? If I don't tell her then I'm afraid of falling into the "friend trap" which has happened to me before with another girl.
- Should I bring up the issue of her current boyfriend and pry for more detials, or should I just ignore the issue completely for now?
- If she is genuinely "confused" how can I swing things in my favour without scaring her off?

Many thanks!
DB


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Most Helpful Girl

  • With a Girl or even a Guy who is Taken, not up for grabs, and especially one who spells trouble with----Complicated written all over her face, it's best to Not Fall into anyone's trap. I see a train wreck coming your way, and with it a Triangle Threesome attached to its caboose... You at the top, looking down from side to side, at her then to Him...
    Wit this, when someone you are Trying to 'Date,' See perhaps as a 'Mate,' is More difficult to pursue because of the situation they are in. And although they can tell you until they are blue in the face that 'It's complicated,' it simply means they are looking for an Out, finding someone's handy dandy shoulder to cry on, and in the end, if the Other half should find out, it Gets even More 'Complicated' now.
    I would think You should be the one she is 'scaring off,' and never mind her being 'Genuinely confused' here. You're going to end up More Perplexed by this whole drama queen deal, if you Continue to overstep your boundaries and go on with the charade.
    I could tell you until the cows come home Not to Get involved with her at this point, forget even contacting her, but it is a lesson in love you will most likely have to find out for yourself, so the Only advice I can give you from this point on is: Don't wear your poor heart on a sleeve.
    Good luck. xx

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What Girls Said 3

  • 1. she's in a relationship, no matter how complicated or confused it is, she would be cheating if she goes out with you. and are you interested in a woman who cheats? so do not date her now. it's just bad timing! it sucks but that's the reality.

    2. do not bring up the topic of her boyfriend if she didn't bring it up first. even when she does, your only job is to listen, because you are not in a position to give any opinion on their relationship.

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  • He careful as you could be setting yourself up to get her.
    No matter how 'complicated' her relationship is she actually shouldn't be going on a date. If things were that bad she should end it with him.

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  • Lol... men ALWAYS do this, then complain when a girl hurts them.
    She's taken dude, so just sit tight and play your side man role and don't bring up her real man or think she'll choose you over him.
    You are the back up, the side man, the just in case guy. I don't know how the heck guys keep putting themselves in this kinda situation, then they'll cry they got used or women are bitches after.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Your only tactic should be to keep her at an emotional arms length. Go out, have a good time with her, but let it be known that you don't tolerate other foxes in the henhouse. keep her as one of the many fillies in the stable.

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