Do you think being friends first is better or just dating from the start, which approach do you feel is best in the beginning of a relationship?

*Please, no using 'adolescent' terms like "friend zone".


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I actually prefer to be friends with a guy first. I find that I'm able to get to know someone better if we're just getting to know each other as friends and I don't have to worry about the physical stuff. Plus, I'm just not really comfortable even kissing someone unless I know them, at least if I'm talking to them with the intent of having a relationship with them. With the last guy I dated (only four dates, barely counts haha) I just kept thinking "I don't know him well enough to want to kiss him. I know facts about him, but I haven't actually had time to figure out if I like who he is as a person".
    I dunno, I tend to overthink things, so maybe that's my problem. But ideally I'd like to be friends first. That's why when I hear guys go on about the "friendzone" I get so frustrated, because maybe some girls just want to move slower and get to know you first, and here you are complaining because you're worried that you won't get laid.

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    • Also, I should point out that I'm not trying to group all guys into the same category here. I'm just saying it's not an uncommon thing.

    • EXACTLY, when a girl says stuff like "he's only good as a friend" then I think yeah you're the one performing sex on some guy who doesn't even care about you and I bet he's saying "she's only good for sex". 😙

What Girls Said 9

  • You want to get to know them before becoming romantically involved. Being in a relationship seems to obligate and entitle you and them to certain treatment that you wouldn't otherwise give to friends and acquaintances.

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  • It depends on the type of person you are and the type the girl is. I'm very shy and appreciate it A LOT when I'm friends first and get to actually know the guy before I have to decide if I want a relationship. (And that awkward 'talking' phase is not 'friendly') I'm talking about hanging out in a group where his sole focus is not on me, and I can gage his personality around other people.

    But some people, like my roommate, will invite an attractive guy over and talk only to get familiar enough with him so she's not making out/fucking a complete stranger and then immediately go out with them (and cry when it ends a few weeks later)
    I could never do that, I can't pretend to REALLY like a complete stranger just because they like me (aka just think I'm attractive) and they happen to be atractive.

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    • Yeah I'm like you : ) , I am sorry but women like your roommate are exactly the girls I avoid. Firstly I'm probably too unattractive for them, but secondly and most importantly I don't view women like that as being mature.

  • Friendship and then dating (: that way you get to know the person better without the weight of being "dating" over your shoulders and doing everything to have them like you. This way you can say anything and you get to know the other person more before deciding if you really want a relationship with them or not

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  • I personally don't think there is a "friend zone". I just think that guys are interested in girls that aren't interested in them. point blank. I think meeting the person first and dating them is the way to go.. as in… Meet them, go on a date, and if you guys like each other enough, the guy can ask you to be exclusive (vice versa). being in a friendship and then dating can work, but i find that if it doesn't work out… the friendship that once was, will forever be over.

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    • I think girls falsely lead guys on more son than they're interested in girls who aren't interested in them.

      Usually girls ignore guys who actually want to be their friends.

    • I dont think so. I think guys take a girl nice-ness the wrong way! They think of it as flirting.

    • "Touche", 😌

  • I'm kinda old-fashioned, but I see dating as the intent to find someone you want to marry. I think its important to be friends in the beginning, so that you have something to start the relationship with. If you start liking the person as more than just a friend, then bring the relationship to the next level.

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  • Yes, it is better. You actually have to like the person as a person first, lol. On top of that you can tell whether they are just in it for sex or not if you get to know them.

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  • Being friends first and getting to know each other definitely helps. It makes the relationship stronger in my opinion

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  • Friendship is a great start in communication speaking from a girls point of view. It develops over time. As long as it's true it's good.

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  • Friendship and then dating ;) that way you get to know the person

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What Guys Said 1

  • When meeting a women:

    Option 1: Approach her to only have sex with her.

    Option 2: Approach her to start an exclusive, romantic, committed long term relationship with her.

    Option 3: Approach to become her friend.

    I NEVER approach women for option 3. I have no female friends.

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    • I agree with you 100% when it comes to intent. But I don't think friendship with someone you potentially want to marry should be neglected.

      That friendship is what forms a foundation in a relationship for decades to come. When you're around 60 years old, romance isn't the defining factor. Do you have platonic and romantic love for him or her?

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