Is there something wrong with me? Why do I attract guys who aren't ready to date?

I really feel like there is. I don't talk to a lot of guys but I seem to attracted guys who aren't ready to date yet and possibly become exclusive. I'm not talking about the players or immature types. I'm talking about the ones who couldn't get in the "mind set" to date me.

Its really upsetting because they lead me on , thinking they are , then they just stop talking to me, cold turkey. I don't find out even I confront them. Its crazy because every last one of these guys, I had a date with and they end up cancelling on me. I seriously don't date much, so I basically get my hopes up for nothing.

They always tell me its not me, but I think they are wrong. Its happened to many times. I get along with just about everyone. I'm not clingly. Just about everyone tells me how sweet I am , but I'm not a push over. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'll make some suggestions, but I only know that you are not attracting guys you want. First, your superficial appearance reflects a bit the person you are, so make sure your style reflects yourself properly. Wear just a bit of red, orange, or pink.

    Make eye contact and smile appropriately. Improve your conversational skills. Make a list of what you think are appropriate conversational topics to keep the talk going, mostly about him. Never say "no" words, never complain or criticize. Don't ask direct questions, but you can make leading statements to draw a guy into conversation. Don't get serious, keep the conversation light. Avoid politics or religion. Nod yes or no appropriately as the person speaks. Smile again and make appropriate eye contact. Never tell a guy you are looking for a steady boyfriend. Never mention religion or politics. Never discuss your sexual experience or inexperience. Don't be a prude or make priggish comments.

    Get physical. Rub shoulders, hold hands, pat backs, let your leg or foot rest against his if you sit together. Don't make a formal date right away. You yourself offer to buy a Starbucks on the spot. Tell him, don't ask, by saying something like, "Let's get a coffee," or Come with me to Starbucks."

    If you need to lose weight, start working on it; the same with your wardrobe and personal appearance. Now you look good, smell good, sound good, and transmit happy thoughts with your facial expression and behavior. Go where the guys go, you can take a girlfriend.

    At this stage you merely wait for Nature to do its magic. Guys will be swarming around you.

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    • See the thing is, I already do most of the things you've mentioned here; which is why I am so puzzled.

    • I can only add that you may be telegraphing anxiety, insecurity, or over-eagerness to the dudes. You might learn to meditate if that is the case. Otherwise, it's not you, I think, it's the whole setting you're in and only a complete change of environment will do it for you. Finally, (and I'm not disparaging your mental health) you could discuss your situation with a mental health counselor, which may be available at low cost or free through county or city offices or a local university.

What Guys Said 2

  • Tough one I must say. To be attracted to something means to make it worth your time. If these guys you been with was worth your time until it's time to date then they bail out then it's a head scratcher. What do you do to the guys before you date them if you don't mind me asking?

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    • I just talk to them. I ask them about themselves, form conversations around that to get to know them. Like the last guy for example, he was a superhero and film geek. So we would talk about different super heroes, movies, compare contrast things related to them, stuff like that. It wasn't the only thing we talked about but its what made us initially vibe so well.

      So i just talked to him. I didn't even knkw the attraction was mutual in the beginning. It kills me b/c I never approach these guys. I never asked them out. They all have made the first moves.

    • Show All
    • Well your welcome, and I'd be glad to take you out on a date. Buuut you see the distance barrier. I live in US/ Missouri. But nothing wrong being online buddies right? I'll help you out if need be.

    • Lol nothing wrong with that. I live in Louisiana. But thank you for offering to help me.

  • this is a common thing with guys, we are ready to date but we dont know what the girl really wants so we dont know what to do and dont know if we can do what we want, and personally i want a girl whos clingy and desperate etc so that could be the problem cause your not clingy etc. plus i want a girl whos forward and tells me what she wants from me or just does what she wants

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