Why do some guys keep in touch with their exes?

I'm sure everyone is different, but I think it's weird for exes to be "buddy buddy" and talk all the time, or at least a good amount.

I find that to be a red flag if I'm seeing a guy. If he has exes in his life that he still talks to a lot I just think that's weird!

Why do guys keep their exes around? Am I weird for thinking the way I do?

I just don't get what the need would be to keep in touch with an ex if you're done with the relationship.

Updates:
I didn't mean that girls do NOT keep their exes around. I just happened to phrase my question about guys in particular.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am really good friends with all my exes. At least, all the ones that were long term relationships. I'm not going to be in a relationship with somebody for 2+ years if I think that person is an asshole. Sure, some people do, but I don't. I am with a person that long because I really like them as a person. And I only date someone that long if I think there could be a potential for a permanent, long-term thing. So, if eventually we come to the conclusion that no, we aren't quite compatible enough for 50 years of marriage, it doesn't suddenly negate the fact that we are awesome friends and have enjoyed each others company for years. And I am not going to stop talking to somebody that is a great friend that I've known for years because it makes a stranger that I have known for weeks uncomfortable.

    Now, for people who stick around in relationships with people that are assholes, I don't know. That would be a different situation, I suppose. Or people that stay in touch with their exes because they still want to get back together with them. Lumping everyone into one category is too dangerous.

    If I was dating a girl that I didn't know very well and she said I couldn't be friends with my friends because I used to date them, that would be the end of the relationship with that girl. I don't have any interest in putting up with someone with serious insecurities. If they don't trust me when I say I am just friends, there isn't much I can do about that. And I am not into relationships without trust.

    I understand someone being concerned if they've been burned in the past, but I can definitely attest to the fact that there are at least some guys who keep in touch with their exes because they are good friends with their exes.

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    • Fair enough. For me it depends on the case. Like if he's talking to them more than me then we have a problem...

    • That would be situational too though. Would you consider it odd if he talked to a guy friend more than you? I am closer friends with a lot of my exes than I am with most of my guy friends, so I actually talk to some of them more than I do my male friends.

      It does really depend on case though, I can't argue with that.

      I don't really think you can break it down to an hourly rate comparison. I think you need to just make sure the guy is spending enough time with you period, regardless of who he is talking to the rest of the time. If you are not getting enough attention, it doesn't matter if he is talking to his ex, to his buddy, to his sister; there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

    • Yup agreed. Good points on your end!

What Guys Said 3

  • Can i flip the question arround and ask why girls keep their exes arround?

    Some of us used to be good friends with them before the relationship, and returned to that friendship after figuring the relationship wouldn't work. That's one posibility.

    Though... from my two past experiences with love it has been the GIRL who've wanted to stay friends after the breakup, just saying. So both genders do this

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    • It's not like I don't think girls do this too. I'm just curious why anyone would want to keep their ex around a lot

  • Im. trying to love someone new.. Why would i want to keep talking to someone i loved before.. makes no sense.

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  • The last girl I dated I told 3 years later that she needed to get the fuck out of my life and never try to talk to me again, so I have no idea really.

    Of course, that's what happens when you fall in love with a girl who is a "player", and never realize till 3 years after she dumps you because she tries to seduce you again in order to boost her self esteem.

    Hurray for first loves, that one person who you know if they show up at your door at the middle of the night with a black eye, you'd kill for them.

    But, that's why I prefer distance over friendship.

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What Girls Said 1

  • As if girls don't do this? lol

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    • I'm sure girls do it too. I'm just curious why anyone would want to keep an ex around a lot. I personally don't think much benefit could come from it

    • Well I'm sure everyone has their reasons. Some may still want their ex, they may be lonely, they are still interested in talking with their ex., etc. But I don't think you are wrong... outside of having a kid together or some other special reason I don't think it's right to keep talking to your ex when you have someone new. It's disrespectful in my opinion.

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