How can I feel better about messing up my chances with this guy due to my stupid mistake?

I do. I'm only 21 and haven't dated many guys, so I am still learning. I had met an amazing guy a while back, dated for 4 months, and ruined everything with him. Everything was going great, until one day he called and said that we shouldn't talk anymore because he felt that I wouldn't initiate contact and how he would always be the one to initiate contact. (I did show interest and accept his dates, and did actually reach out a couple times.) I didn't reach out very much because of my past mistakes of being the girl that chases the guy. Of course, I've learned now, and learned the healthy balance of the two.
BUT it's too late. I had texted him saying how I had missed him. He told me he had a girlfriend. And I feel like I'm the only one who deals with these "inexperienced mistakes" problems and am so embarrassed. I wish I could have him back and sometimes cry and blame myself. I feel I'm at fault and how I ruined something that was so great.
How can I feel better about this?

Any advice would be appreciated. I know plenty will say "Move on" but I would like something a little more than that.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, the moving on part is obvious, and you have said you don't want to hear it, but the urge to say it was just too great, as it is incredibly relevant.

    However, that being said, I will acquiesce to your request and give you something more than that.

    It was not you. It was not because you were not the one the to initiate contact. If a guy is into you, that will never, ever, be a reason for him to break up with you. Is it better to have a healthy balance between the two of you initiating? Yes. Will a guy who is crazy about a girl take her accepting ALL his dates but not asking him decide that 'well, she is rude, so I don't need that in my life'? No. Never.

    It was just an excuse. It was a way for him to dump you and try to shift the blame so that you would feel bad about yourself and he could feel good about him self. If it wasn't that, he would have found something else. There would have been a fight over something stupid that he would have initiated, and then he would have used your behaviour during that fight as the reason, saying you were unreasonable, or that you totally freaked out and disrespected him, or some other bullshit excuse to shift the blame to you.

    Guys don't just turn around and dump a girl because she makes an inexperienced mistake. Guys do use shitty, weak excuses to dump a girl and make it sound like it is her fault.

    You feel at fault because he has manipulated the situation to feel that way on purpose. You are feeling you ruined it because he has twisted it to sound that way on purpose. He has manipulated you, and you have been swept up by it.

    How can you feel better about it? I'm not sure. Hopefully understanding that this really wasn't your fault and that you just got played will at least help you realize that you didn't ruin something great.

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    • Hmm i see your point. Maybe I should have also mentioned in the description of the question that there was a period of time where didn't call or text me for like 2 weeks (I THINK he may have been testing me to see if I would reach out.) In those 2 weeks, I didn't reach out ( I was such a moron for doing that.) and that's when he called me and expressed his anger about it. I mean I think I messed up badly cause of that. What do you think?

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    • Yeah. I see your point. It's interesting and makes sense, considering that fact he got with this new girlfriend a month after breaking up with me. Thanks BearsAnswers!! I shall vote you as "Most Helpful"

    • Glad to help :)
      I hope you find a better guy soon, if you haven't yet :)

What Guys Said 1

  • I hear you and i know exactly how your feeling i am in the same sort of situation at the moment i have made a mistake and a girl i have fell head over heels for is now distant with me but i know that not all hope is lost what I've learnt that i need to do is learn to love myself and make myself a better person not for her but for myself because when you learn to be happy without someone it doesn't matter if that person is there or not your feelings won't go away for that person but you will cope with it better!! try writing down all the positive things that you share with this boy and focus on them not the negatives good luck

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