Would you marry a person who loves you but doesn't have the same aspirations as you and more?

Here's a scenario, I want to know what your thoughts is on such a relationship.

This person C loves you. C understands you, and both of you feel very comfortable talking about your feelings, your history, your aspirations and even personal flaws and embarrassments with each other. There is literally nothing you wouldn't share with this person.

But both of you aren't compatible. In a way that, while C trusts and admires you, you don't think C is a dependable person. C has a different idea on how they want to live their life. One of you wants to aim high, the other is satisfied with simple things. You would love to be laidback in life but you don't think it's the right think to do. So you try hard to meet expectations. But C is satisfied with the minimal to get by and chill.

Do you think such a relationship is workable?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Nope. I need someone who is on the same page as me and has ambition to achieve more. That to me is a deal breaker. I grew up below middle class with a father who just wanted to make ends meet... honestly I'd never put anyone and not my future kids through that crap. It was awful. Security to me is essential and I want a partner who feels the same.

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    • I see. That's a good family-orientated decision right there. Always try to get the best for the kids. Ironically, this person C grew up in a low middle class family, and because of their childhood background, decided it was manageable and decided to do the same too. :/

    • It wasn't really manageable for me... my parents made no provision for their old age and me being the only child means I'll have to financially aid them when they are elderly. Lots of stress.

    • That's very filial of you. :) That's true about what you said, I suspect she hasn't factored that into account and just thinking of supporting herself only.

What Girls Said 8

  • Hell no, I won't marry him. I'll get into what I know deep down is a momentary relationship with him, as a growth experience. But I'm not marrying some guy with little to zero ambition who is essentially going to make me carry his weight as financial partners. I know for sure I'm having children and pets one day so I'll need a man who can help me provide them with their needs. I'd also like to have family vacations and be able to splurge on random things like decorating projects, sexy lingerie, parties at the house, and very special bday celebrations for the kids just to name a few things. That becomes less realistic if my husband is satisfied with having the minimal to get by. I'd practically end up taking care of him or carrying a significantly heavier financial load just to create certain memories. Not cool.

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    • lol those are some nice things to look forward to in the future. good job! yea probably someone with better prospects would be more suitable if we wanna aim high. :)

  • my fiance has high goals in life while i am chilled. it works very well, and doesn't affect anything in either way. but it might be because im the female. i think if i'd have a guy like me, i'd not like it too much, since i think the man should be the one who takes care of the financial things the most when it comes to family.

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    • Haha, that is so true. Guys are expected to take care of the family, so not much luck trying to be chill. :/

  • If you don't think C is a dependable person, it's not going to work.
    Everything else is workable.

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    • Yea some things just won't work out if the person can't even get things done.

  • It's all about what you think or feel

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  • I had this happen to me, but I was person C. I have a career and all that, but my ex was really into status and perfection. Ultimately, he made me miserable with his constant criticism and I made him miserable by not fitting his standards. We disagreed a lot on matters like the kind of house we wanted to live in and fancy vacations, etc.

    I think personality style must matter a lot.

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    • I agree.. I wasn't able to even persuade her to think about it, she liked being stubborn than to try to change, and thinking that stubborness and simplicity were 'virtues'. Not that it can't be, but to me they were not very much.

      It's not so much personality though, but to aim for the same thing. If 2 people aim for the same thing, they can cooperate. But if not, they'd be fighting to see who gives and relents, or trying to change the other person's mind. :/

    • When one partner wants the other to change too much, it's just not a good fit. One ends up "coooerating" much more, which is how my relationship started to get. Liking a similar lifestyle helps both people be at ease, not just the more dominant one getting their way.

  • My aspirations is affected and I feel stuck. So I would not recommend you to repeat my mistake.

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    • I see... thanks for your advice! I do feel like I'm letting myself down if I don't try to aim high too. I wish for all the best for you too. :)

    • Your welcome and thank you

  • yes cause that's not a deal breaker for me.

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  • I would not like to prevent another from doing what they aspire.

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    • But if you did end up marrying this person, your aspirations would get affected too!

    • I still would not stop them. Even if we had to separate.

What Guys Said 0

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