I can't tell the difference between a guy who is genuinely interested versus a guy who just wants a hook up. Guys take me out, open the doors, pay for the meal, etc etc but then I won't find out til later on they were just looking for a hookup. Why put in the effort and not just admit it from the start? And how can I get guys who want something beyond the pure physical?
Most Helpful Guy
Wait.. you mean you use the top secret tactic of not sleeping with the guy right away.. and you're telling us that.. IT DOESN'T WORK? o. O The the only way to tell if he'll leave you AFTER SEX is... AFTER SEX? o. O
Okay, enough poking fun at Cosmo..
Learning how to read and filter people is an essential life skill.. those who don't learn it keep getting used and hurt (in love, at work, in business, etc.) .. those who learn it learn to recognize which people are "high risk" and stop associating with those people.. and which people are "low risk" and start to trust those people and explore more meaningful relationships.
The problem is.. a relationship is like working of a human body, not like working on a car. You can't just turn the human body off, like you can with a car. Everything is in motion. Even decision is imminent and if you make some wrong action (or no action), that has a direct and immediate effect on the person.. how the person feels about you (or doesn't feel about you) .. and effects the relationship.
So, just as important as learning to recognize "high risk" people and stop associating with them early on (instead of giving them a chance to see if maybe they can change or you were maybe wrong), equally important is the ability to quickly pull the trigger and take a meaningful risk with "low risk" people (instead of waiting and thinking they're going to stick around and be there for you whenever you decide to pull them out of their toy box and play with them). You're dealing with real people, with real feelings, and with the ability to walk away.
So, just as important as it is redirect the wrong people away from your life, it's more important to allow the right people in.. while recognizing that by not acting or acting too slow, you're driving them away..
So, you need to objectively look at what you do with men in social relationships, and you need to evaluate whether what you've been doing is working, and how to change0