Guys just wanna hookup?

I can't tell the difference between a guy who is genuinely interested versus a guy who just wants a hook up. Guys take me out, open the doors, pay for the meal, etc etc but then I won't find out til later on they were just looking for a hookup. Why put in the effort and not just admit it from the start? And how can I get guys who want something beyond the pure physical?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wait.. you mean you use the top secret tactic of not sleeping with the guy right away.. and you're telling us that.. IT DOESN'T WORK? o. O The the only way to tell if he'll leave you AFTER SEX is... AFTER SEX? o. O

    Okay, enough poking fun at Cosmo..

    Learning how to read and filter people is an essential life skill.. those who don't learn it keep getting used and hurt (in love, at work, in business, etc.) .. those who learn it learn to recognize which people are "high risk" and stop associating with those people.. and which people are "low risk" and start to trust those people and explore more meaningful relationships.

    The problem is.. a relationship is like working of a human body, not like working on a car. You can't just turn the human body off, like you can with a car. Everything is in motion. Even decision is imminent and if you make some wrong action (or no action), that has a direct and immediate effect on the person.. how the person feels about you (or doesn't feel about you) .. and effects the relationship.

    So, just as important as learning to recognize "high risk" people and stop associating with them early on (instead of giving them a chance to see if maybe they can change or you were maybe wrong), equally important is the ability to quickly pull the trigger and take a meaningful risk with "low risk" people (instead of waiting and thinking they're going to stick around and be there for you whenever you decide to pull them out of their toy box and play with them). You're dealing with real people, with real feelings, and with the ability to walk away.

    So, just as important as it is redirect the wrong people away from your life, it's more important to allow the right people in.. while recognizing that by not acting or acting too slow, you're driving them away..

    So, you need to objectively look at what you do with men in social relationships, and you need to evaluate whether what you've been doing is working, and how to change


Have an opinion?


Send It!

What Guys Said 4

  • you just gotta keep trying. it seldom happens when a guy actually changes his initial interest in you if he were to want a hook up to begin with if you had started spending more time with him and getting to know him because chances are it may never even reach that point. you gotta filter through the different guys you meet and not put all your eggs in 1 basket otherwise you will most likely be setting yourself up for hurt and disappointment in the near future. and there are some guys that will... how can i put this... move mountains for pussy. :P of course they wouldn't tell you from the start, defeats their purpose 99.9% of the time lol.

    • "move mountains for pussy." Ol thirsty asses. Hahahahhahaaha. F that.

    • It's weird cuz most guys already tell me I don't give off the just hook up vibe. That they can tell that's not what I'm looking for but then, why approach someone like that if you know it's not gonna work out?

    • because they're horny and their horniness overwrites their better judgment.

  • Some guys like to try to "weasel" their way into your pants. I'm not like that. You'd know from the start if I want to hook up or get into some kind of relationship. I seem to be rather straight forward than this guy:

  • I'm an older wiser gentleman. I actually have never just hooked up with a woman and have even turned down women (one I remember was a waitress who found me very kind and real, and was very attracted to me, and kept asking me little questions to get me to ask her out; I def could've been laid but I could tell it wouldn't work out). We're out there among the slick-talking alley cats and low-life handsome playboy dogs. Funny, it's pretty true that "nice guys finish last" (basically means that nice guys never get what they want, and that you have to be tough/mean to succeed, or even be a jerk). Just don't turn down a somewhat shy guy. So many -- I would dare to say most -- women swoon over a suave hunk who has gotten laid a good number of times but puts on a good show, acts so very interested in you, lies like Slick Willy, but fools herself into believing that he's all right and normal. Hard to tell. So be careful.

    • Well these guys aren't jerks or assholes... At least they don't come off that way. They come off as confident and very sweet knowing how to treat a lady. They tell you they don't want to just hookup.
      Then they'll pull the disappearing act esp when I end up wanting a relationship/getting attached... If you were a female, how would you play your cards differently to get a guy committed/not hurt? Thanks.

  • Sounds like you attract douches. I wouldn't take a girl out and treat her nicely unless I was genuinely interested. If I wanted to be a quick fuck, I'd say it from tee get go like "hi, you're hot, we should get together sometime." If I truly like a girl, I'm very shy and don't want to mess things up so I take it slow and all. Hope that helps!


What Girls Said 1

  • Trust me, no one can. No matter how hard you try, it's just pure luck.