Is it shallow to reject guys that I am not physically attracted to?

I have become attracted to guys through their personality in the past, but I have been 30 per cent physically attracted to them. I do feel that it is reasonable to have at least some physical attraction to someone. But have been approached by men 4 times my age that turn nasty when I advise them I am not sexually interested in them, but happy be friends. Consistently state that I am shallow and superficial by these men (once they are rejected). My view is that it is them that are shallow , given that a number of them are married and those that are single, dismiss women their own age. Anyway, can you shed some light on this, your experiences and if you consider my conduct shallow and why? Please don't contribute non insightful one liners. Thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you accept a guy you're not attracted to and force yourself to date him, you will inevitably mislead by leading him on. Being strung along is far worse than being rejected in my opinion. So it's best just to reject them and not be mean spirited about it. Rejection hurts, and when a guy retaliates by calling a girl names like that, don't take it personal. He is just trying to feel better about himself. When I've been rejected I try to maintain a healthy ego by thinking things like:
    -She's shallow and has bad taste
    -I'm a great guy and she doesn't know what she's missing
    -She's rejecting me? How lame is this girl...

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What Guys Said 20

  • You should absolutely reject them. You don't need to say why as clearly. But you can.

    They're just bitter about being rejected.

    I wouldn't want to date someone not attracted to me physically, even if she was won over by my personality. I want more lust then that!

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    • Thank you for your insight :)

  • they are just upset. rejection hurts and some men lash out and claim it's "her fault not mine"
    going for girls that are younger is one thing but 1/4 your age is a bit much. maybe in part they know what they are doing is wrong and are shocked to see someone who can stand up for their self in perhaps a blunt way.

    There hast to for the most part be some sort of sexual attraction as that's what makes people want to have sex and procreate. it only becomes a problem if you are waiting for the perfect 10/10 guy to ask you out and reject anyone else.

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    • My perfect guy will never be married, middle aged and with children sadly. In addition to not physically appealing!

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    • wow. I'm sure there are men around your age who like you. perhaps they just think you're already with someone?

    • unlikely! I'm just that type of woman that is never popular with hot guys. Just is what is is.

  • Not shallow , and what if it's shallow , you can't force love when you aren't attracted... when you aren't into someone , you just aren't, nothing can change that.

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    • Exactly. For example, I don't try to force people that don't find me attractive.

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    • cool beans , just pretending tragedies , one at a time

    • preventing lol

  • Is it shallow that you reject guys for the number 1 reason a guy would reject most girls? No!

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  • There is no problem rejecting a guy who you do not like, whatever the reason. However, him being physically unappealing is not an "excuse" that I'd recommend using because thats like judging a book by its cover. That being said, the choice is yours, expect him to be upset and to ask questions but most importantly, don't be too blunt about it, let him down gently

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    • I think people have to be realistic. I care a great deal about my friends, and couldn't care less what they look like. Which suggests that I am unlikely to be shallow. Liking someone is different to wanting to have intercourse with someone. That requires a different kind of engagement and set of circumstances, and it is commonly expected that physical attraction, judged by an outwards appearance, plays a part of that.

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    • Thanks. Also, I meant *outward. Yes, what is really hurtful about this situation is that nearly all of the men I make mention of pretended to be my friend, before they revealed their true intentions, and also just bluntly asked me for sex. Hence why the whole thing is quite upsetting for me.

    • Well all things considered I'm glad you caught up with them and their real intentions. Yeah most guys are full of shit anyway (ironic coming from a guy, but that was me once) so don't 'give in' too easy or at least until you're sure about their intentions

  • I would give them a shot. I have dated girls who were super hot and hated the time because thy had a terrible personality. I have also give girls who were less attractive to me a date... and had the best time. The "girl that got away" was one of them. She got away because we were at different points in our life she was a professional I was still in college.

    Nonetheless, women typically need security in a relationship... where as guys generally want sex. A mixture of the two is where love is. So yea take a shot... you may find they treat you better and less like a piece of meat.

    This comes from an "average guy" with personality.

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  • Not shallow at all... no need to date someone u dont feel a spark with.

    That would be a waste of your time, and his. :-P

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  • You can't help who you're attracted to and for what reasons. If you're not attracted to them, you just aren't.

    Name calling is just a form or "retaliation" or "putting up a wall" IMO.

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  • I don't talk to girls that I'm not 100% attracted to, so no nothing wrong with that. Doesn't mean they aren't attractive, just means you have different taste.

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  • No I wouldn't consider it shallow because a person's face is the initial attraction.

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  • For a married guy 4x your age to have any expectations from you; THAT sure is "deep" on their part.

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    • My sentiments exactly! Thank you.

  • no not at all, we don't owe anything to the opposite sex

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  • On some level, yes, but if you find it difficult to relate to them at all, then completely yes.
    It's fine if you don't want to get with ugly guys.

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  • No it's not, and those dudes are pathetic.

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  • I think it's reasonable. I find it unfair for me though cause I get rejected a lot >:(

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    • not sure I believe that. Perhaps it is just your perception owing to low self confidence. You ar still young and your confidence will grow as you get older.

  • Yes, you are pretty shallow. If you really like someone their appearance wouldn't be very important.

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  • If you're choosing the hot guy, over the not so hot guy, SAME personality, then yes, it's shallow

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  • Yes it is shallow, but that it is also a normal function of nature, that has kept our species alive this long. Being shallow actually makes a lot of sense from an evolutionary outlook. The most attractive people are typically the most healthy people. That is why we are more attracted to them in the first place. Choosing a healthy sex partner is important for the survival of the human race. So shallowness actually makes a lot of sense sometimes.

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    • How are they more healthy?

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    • I don't think a single sinus infection is likely to be noticeable, but apparently the more you have, the more it is suppose to effect your symmetry. Likely any illness can effect the body like that. Very few people have an extremely symmetrical face, because over the years so many different things can effect them. An unhealthy diet will also effect your health and looks.

    • Fair enough.

  • no it's not shallow.

    but with men our age increasingly not wanting to get married or settle down in any way, you shouldn't automatically dismiss these older men

    if i were a woman and i knew about men what i know as a man, i would play things much much differently than most women

    honestly in this climate getting a reasonably good looking young guy with a reasonably good job and a reasonably good personality to date you is a huge and difficult thing to achieve. even the best women are finding it harder and harder to achieve that

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    • I'm not interested in men that have children, wives and therefore other people's lives to ruin. In addition to being intimate with someone that I feel physically repulsed by. Physical attraction is not a conscious choice.

    • didn't say it was.

      there's no problem as long as you accept the possibility of failure. so many women these days react to the dating marketplace as they wish it to be rather than the marketplace as it actually is. so many men these days are basically unavailable for dating etc and even the media's picking up on it now. and there's the economy of course ("the mancession"). all this leads to a difficult marketplace for women who want anything more than casual sex

What Girls Said 5

  • Nope, don't think it's shallow at all. Physical attraction is an important thing in a relationship. It's happened with me a few times as well. Great guys, but I just didn't find myself sexually attracted to them. They were cool about it. One of them I never heard from again, which is fine, and one of them I'm actually still friends with, in fact.
    The guys who are nasty about it are just pissed that you won't sleep with them, haha
    It's perfectly understandable to not want to pursue a romantic relationship with someone if you don't feel romantic about them.

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  • Hmmm depends on precisely what goes on in your mind before you reject them.
    Some people are going to call you shallow and superficial because it makes them feel better about the fact that they're undesirable to you. They can't handle accepting that you simply have no romantic or sexual interest in them so they'd rather vilify you instead. However, sometimes there really is a shallow, superficial mentality leading up to the rejection. Rejecting someone who is old enough to be your father is not shallow or superficial at all. However, rejecting someone because their eyes are too far apart or you don't like the way they dress would be undeniably superficial.

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    • I reject people that are obnoxious, 4 times my age and have families etc.

    • lol, what is "etc."?
      It's probably better if you don't announce why you're rejecting them because that's like dumping a nice brand new tub of salt all over that wound

  • Nope not at all if you're not attracted to them then you're simply not into them, like you said you go for their personality.

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  • Lol!! Married men are judging you? What douches. You aren't shallow, if you aren't attracted to someone there's nothing you can do about that. They're the ones that are shallow going for someone so much younger than them.

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    • Exactly! It seems to antagonise them more when I point that out! Why don't they look their like for like comparisons, if they are so not shallow. Why dismiss their wives, middle aged women, overweight people etc etc.

  • No It may seem shallow to others but physical attraction is important, those guys need to man up.

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    • Or just go away :( They continue to chase with non platonic intentions, despite the rejection. Which is kind of depressing. I'd prefer they focused their attention on their children.

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