I have decided to not have such high standards, am I desperate or doing myself a favor?

I guess I'm a little bit shallow. I am on 2 dating sites but have chosen to ignore guys I am not attracted to. They are probably nice guys should I give them a chance? I just wanted to meet a guy I WAS attracted to and who had a good personality but after being hurt for awhile by guys I deemed as cute I have kind of decided to change my mind.. I also may not be pretty enough to get the guy of my dreams. Am I doing myself a favor or being desperate? Ya I know its sad that I feel this way and lack the self-esteem but... I wanna find true love but I am just not believing in it anymore due to all the hurt


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You should pursue your rational happiness.

    Let's say you're on a game show and you win half a million dollars. But you really wanted the million dollar top prize, which you didn't win. You're not gonna tear up the check for half a mil.

    The problem in your situation is you don't know for sure what your chances are for these various possibilities. The person being handed the half a mil check know that he has only two choices, accept the half a mil or tear up the check. He knows his chance of getting the full mil is now exactly zero. You don't know what your chance of getting the dream guy is.

    Some of it you can calculate though. For example you want a college educated guy? 35% of men aged 25 to 30 in the US have a bachelor's degree or above. You want a guy 6 feet tall or above? That's 20% of men aged 20 to 29. But that still doesn't give you the final percentage chance of getting your dream guy. It helps though

    Some people are gonna tell you, if you settle you have low self esteem and that no one should settle. That's BS though. Imagine if people applied that principle to other parts of their lives. "If I don't get the exact job I want, I'm not gonna bother having a career at all." "If my baby doesn't have the exact characteristics I want I'm gonna give it up for adoption." Rationally speaking, some people should settle in their love lives. But, rationally speaking, even you can't know for sure whether you're one of those people.

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What Guys Said 6

  • True love is available... if you lower your standards. Unless by true love you mean "hot sex with attractive men who're super-nice".

    Lowering your standards is something that each individual needs to decide for themselves. But I'd make sure that you're actually going out and meeting a bunch of people, in many different venues before you do this. It may just be that you've got some bad places, full of not-right-for-you men.

    So, it may be possible to get men who're attractive enough for your standards, who are also nice. They may all be religious nuts... or vegan hipsters, or... have other things, which perhaps don't jive with what you think you wanted.

    Prioritize. Which things are most important. Then compromise on the less important things after you've looked hard in a bunch of places. Keep track of the ones you did meet along the way, who just weren't quite up to your standards, those are your plan Bs.

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  • First of all, it's easier to be attracted to someone once you know them to be nice, intelligent, confident etc., a picture doesn't show personality.

    Second no, in the end you need to be attracted to a man in order to start a relationship with him, so if you never begins to feel so, then don't become his GF.

    Last but not least, it's not about high standards or not, it's about the RIGHT standards, knowing what is of real value TO YOU. If good look is a major issues for you, then compromising won't work in the end, even if all your friends say otherwise.

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  • Pictures are static and not necessarily properly descriptive. You don't get to know anyone based on a picture. You have probably done yourself a favor.

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  • Humans look for their equal. You got to sort out the traits that define who you are, and your desires. You then find a close match to the traits that make you.

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  • you never gonna find love if you only see the outside, supose i date a nice looking girls there are million of girls less good looking and more good looking than her. everytime i see a hotter chick im gonna want to change. look outside is ok we all do but givi it less importance.

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  • Yes give them a chance! I'm the type of guy that is always ignored on dating sites and it hurts my self esteem so much. I've never found anyone myself and I want somebody that I find attractive to but sometimes we have to look past physical flaws to be happy I've found. We can't all be hot and handsome!

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What Girls Said 2

  • You think its shallow to not date an ugly guy?

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  • Just never date anyone you aren't attracted to

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