Settling: where do you stand?

I get the feeling that many women do find me quit attractive and charming, but they probably think, "ehhh, ill wait for someone else." Maybe because im not as attractive as some other guys, the eye candy, the tall dark and handsome mold that all women dream of, they pass me up. But why?

I've settled over and over again because I really dont have a choice. The woman I ask has to want me back. Believe me, im not picky or shallow. My friends always disagree with who I find hot. Yet women seem to think "settling" is such a bad thing. What is wrong with mr. Good enough?

I think most people who think they are settling are actually overestimating themselves and have unrealistic standards. Not everyone can get an 9 or 10. Id be happy with a 6 or 7.

Ladies, you better learn where you stand before 30. I know a woman who when young was dating an 8, refused to marry him cuz she wanted a 10, and now she's older the best she can get is a 5. And for everyone of those older ladies whos alone, there's a nice decent looking young guy who can't even get a date with women his own age.

Settling? No, I see it as a way to "settle in" and find who you are really a match with.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think this has anything to do with your looks. I have like 3 friends who are married to guys who are less physically attractive than you.

    You know how young hot guys like to party when they're young because, well... They're young? They're not worrying about settling down because they're in the prime. When people get older, then they realize they want kids and a family and someone to be with them forever.

    Women are the same way actually. When they're young they want to party, get laid and have fun too. Then reality settles in when their looks start to fade and realize they want to be with someone who wants them for them and not their body. Sure some women start thinking about married since they're like 12 but there's a lot of party girls not into getting married when they're young. Most people want to party in their 20s and then have a family in their 30s.

    Maybe your problem is you attract girls who aren't ready for marriage and having a family yet. I mean, your username is partyboy45... I don't know know you or the girls you go out with so this is just a guess, but I just feel like this goes deeper than just looks.

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    • actually, I think you hit it on the head. I dont party, its not who I am and that lifestyle and attitude is not meant to be going to parties and bars/clubs like that all the time. My roommate and I were talking last night and he goes, "Youre actually passionate about Capoeira, and what you do. You dont give a fuck about what anyone else does or thinks because nothing is going to take away from your passion of Capoeira." And you are both right. I can't even relate to those party girls. Let me explain: many people make plans to go out for every weekend. They will arrange it so they get everything out of the way to do their plans. Me? Every weekend I am going to play Capoeira. And if I have time I go out, but if I get too drunk one night or go out all weekend to where I didn't have time to do my laundry or work, then it interferes with my Capoeira training. So that lifestyle is secondary, not tertiary on my priorities.

    • my username is partyboy because my friends call me Party Artie cuz it rhymes, but GAG wouldn't let me choose that username. Yeah, I am "young, dumb and full of cum" like most people in their 20s, but I just dont belong in that lifestyle that is the "hook up culture"

    • That's refreshing to hear. Have you ever seen the movie Only the Strong? It's a movie about Capoeira my dad is obsessed with. Anyway, so if all you really love right now is Capoeira, then just enjoy life. Most people don't even know what they want to do with themselves or have any hobbies. At least you have that to focus on until you find the girl of your dreams, most people don't have something they really love doing to distract them.

What Girls Said 5

  • So... I I totally understand where you are coming from. I think I've myself a little picky in some aspects, I met this guy was amazing, really nice, a real gentlemen... when he developed feelings for me he asked me out and then I started seeing this different side to him, he drank way too much did kind of dumb things while drunk... I started to get scared and see a future I didn't want. my father used to be an alcoholic and I didn't want to to think about the idea of an unhealthy relationship. He asked me why I didn;t give him a chance and I didn't know what to say. Anyway I think I'm not looking for anyone who looks like Channing Tatum or anything , just someone who respects me, values me, and would never do anything to hurt me. I'd do the same for him :)

    Its crazy though how many times we can miss out on an opportunity because we think we're gonna get hurt, or that we think there is something else out there much better than our current situations... Sometimes we are afraid to take chances and saying we are waiting for our perfect man is just an excuse... putting things off until we are sure or think we are sure our relationships will be successful

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    • Usually, they are initially intrigued by my personality and character. My hobbies and interests that I am passionate about (99% of people are not passionate about anything) and that arouses them right away. They flirt as in they talk and are very friendly with me, we may even hang out once or twice, but by then there are other better looking guys that come around who are much more physically attractive than me which distracts them from me and then they get into this chase mode where they want to get the more challenging guy instead of the great guy they know wants her back. As a result, she will flirt with him in more open and sexual ways that makes me feel like shit and by then ether 1) she's lost interest and says "youre a nice guy, but Im not looking for a bf/im seeing someone" or 2) I get hurt and discouraged and say fuck it

    • , I think this happens to both men and women, guys do the exact same thing when it comes to girls. I remember a few years back in high school, I had a crush on a boy in my chemistry class I liked him so much I was getting distracted from my school work and he was all I could think about. He found out about my little crush on him, he was nice to me... after that he found someone else more interesting, his friends told him his new girl was way better looking than me and well they were the ones who ended up dating.
      Time has passed and I’ve recovered from that, even worked on my self as a person as well as my outside appearance, and the confidence is coming along with it. All I’m saying is Sometimes it takes a little longer for love to come if it came so easily life wouldn’t be as exciting as it is lol
      good luck!

  • Well my heart can't rate people's looks from 1 to 10.
    I know I can do "better" when it comes to the guys looks. But I don't want to base a relationship on looks. They eventually fade.
    My boyfriend is cute and sexy to me, but maybe not to others. One of my close friends told me this a week ago actually "Laura you are way to pretty for your boyfriend"
    He doesn't know my boyfriend, if he did and saw how sweet he treats me <3
    I can't believe people let love pass just because its not a 10 on the scale of eventually fading beauty

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    • Usually, they are initially intrigued by my personality and character. My hobbies and interests that I am passionate about (99% of people are not passionate about anything) and that arouses them right away. They flirt as in they talk and are very friendly with me, we may even hang out once or twice, but by then there are other better looking guys that come around who are much more physically attractive than me which distracts them from me and then they get into this chase mode where they want to get the more challenging guy instead of the great guy they know wants her back. As a result, she will flirt with him in more open and sexual ways that makes me feel like shit and by then ether 1) she's lost interest and says "youre a nice guy, but Im not looking for a bf/im seeing someone" or 2) I get hurt and discouraged and say fuck it

  • I'm 30 in 5 months, shut up.

    Also, lots of relationships fail nit because they don't want to settle, but ultimately because they're not compatible in the long run.

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    • Not, not nit.

    • Usually, they are initially intrigued by my personality and character. My hobbies and interests that I am passionate about (99% of people are not passionate about anything) and that arouses them right away. They flirt as in they talk and are very friendly with me, we may even hang out once or twice, but by then there are other better looking guys that come around who are much more physically attractive than me which distracts them from me and then they get into this chase mode where they want to get the more challenging guy instead of the great guy they know wants her back. As a result, she will flirt with him in more open and sexual ways that makes me feel like shit and by then ether 1) she's lost interest and says "youre a nice guy, but Im not looking for a bf/im seeing someone" or 2) I get hurt and discouraged and say fuck it

  • You're saying you have no problem attracting the girls but have trouble making them stay? Then it's not your looks.

    So long as a girl has agreed to go out with you or has been okay flirting with you, she's gotten past the barrier of whether or not she could be attracted to you superficially. Whether you manage to keep her around is a matter of whether you manage to convince her that you're attractive in other ways-- character, ability to make her happy, give her attention etc.

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    • Thats not what I meant. Usually, they are initially intrigued by my personality and character. My hobbies and interests that I am passionate about (99% of people are not passionate about anything) and that arouses them right away. They flirt as in they talk and are very friendly with me, we may even hang out once or twice, but by then there are other better looking guys that come around who are much more physically attractive than me which distracts them from me and then they get into this chase mode where they want to get the more challenging guy instead of the great guy they know wants her back. As a result, she will flirt with him in more open and sexual ways that makes me feel like shit and by then ether 1) she's lost interest and says "youre a nice guy, but Im not looking for a bf/im seeing someone" or 2) I get hurt and discouraged and say fuck it

  • I don't like settling because I'll be searching for the next best thing and I don't want to break the guys heart

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