My boyfriend hit me for the first time, is it a deal breaker?

My boyfriend and i got in an argument.. it was a HUGE argument , we been together for 4months... anyway we start yelling, cursing, he is mad as hell, he has anger issues, and he starts getting reeaall close, literally ganging up on me, mind you im 5'3 and he is 6'0, then i tried pushing him telling him to get off me because at this point he had me against the wall and i slapped the sh! t out of him... and in return he punched me in the face... i can take a punch but im not going to lie it hurt like hell... he goes in the bathroom, and ten minutes later comes out apologizing saying he's sorry and whatever, thisactually happened last night. Im at my friends house right now and i personally feel like i should forgive him... i was wrong as well for hitting him right?

Should i go back to him and forgive him?

Updates:
We known eachother for years lol we been dating for 4 months
here is what we were arguing about, okI came back late from work and I went to my girlfriendshouse without telling him, and forgot we had something planned.. it turned into an argument much deeper than me forgetting

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Get out now. This will get worse. And yes, this is at least partly your fault.

    That last part will earn me a few thumbs down, but oh, well. Violence in relationships is never a good thing, regardless of where it comes from. So if your attitude is that a guy better not hit you, because you will hit him back, you have a problem with relationships. Relationships are not supposed to be about who can hit back the hardest. Save that for the football field or boxing ring.

    Obviously, domestic violence is a hot topic today. Sometimes someone mentions that it goes both ways. There are women who batter their husbands or boyfriends. When that is suggested, some people - feminists, sociologists and the like - get angry and insist that this never happens. And how could it, since men are so much stronger than women? Well, it does. It is far less frequent than men beating women, but it happens. And one of the reasons that some women can do it is that most men were raised to believe that you do not hit a woman - ever, no matter what.

    That is the way most of us were raised, and I for one think it is a good thing. There is no excuse for hitting a woman you are romantically involved in. Your boyfriend never heard this rule. He responds to tension in a relationship by using violence. The very fact that he moved closer to you after you asked him not to is violent. If he had you up against a wall, that was meant to be threatening. That is a tough position to be in, but "slapping him silly" was not the best way to deal with it.

    He is going to continue to do violent things, and the pattern is for men to be violent, then be remorseful. So leave now. And do not find a new guy until you figure out why you attract violent ones, and seem to think that the solution is to hit them back. Until you figure that out, you are going to attract the same types of guys.

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    • It's sad the asker isn't going to leave him.

    • You're right because it was a dumbass comment. No matter what someone does in a relationship, no one deserves having someone hit them.

      It is not her fault. I don't care what she did. She could have killed his dog. That doesn't mean that it's her fault for him making the choice of hitting her.

What Guys Said 32

  • okay you hit him yeah but he punched you what the eff? if a girl hits a guy that doesn't give the guy the absolute right to punch her back in the face. this isn't a case where you fight fire with fire lol. shame on him. he should've been more tame and disciplined. oh and also im not gonna compare a slap vs a punch, its obvious which one is more devastating. you can forgive him but he's the guy that punched you. fuck if you slapped first.

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    • Guys like him haven't met me. I would finish him off after that punch. I can take punch but throw an even deadly upper cut, then a grab to the neck and knee in groin.

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    • Thanks. Hopefully I'll find my guy who will look pass my tomboyish, tough side and get to know my soft side.

    • @MelbaB you will trust me. there is something within you to truly cherish and love ^-^

  • 4 months into a relationship?
    This relationship is dead in the water, guaranteed. Cut it off now, start fresh. This relationship will be way too volatile if it is running into these kinds of issues this soon.

    Were you wrong to slap him? Yes, very wrong. Was he justified in punching you because of it? No. He was very, very wrong.

    Way too dysfunctional to continue this relationship. Somebody is going to get hurt. Most likely you.

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  • You were wrong to hit him. He was very wrong to hit you.

    No matter how you paint this, he is very wrong, he treated you like a man by putting your back aginst the wall and when you respond he did not hit you, he hurt you.

    Your hitting him first does not make you a man.

    This is a deal breaker. cut him loose.

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  • Well, usually I'd say if a guy hits a girl it's either a deal breaker or he gets a second chance and failing that it's over, but if you are hitting him it sounds abusive all round. I don't think a punch is a fair response to a slap, but I did lol at the "slapping the shit out of him". I wouldn't hit my GF if she hit me, I think I'd walk away or restrain her. If he apologised I guess you could do the same. I advise you not to get physical with him considering he has anger issues and can't control his temper. He could cause you a lot of damage.

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  • Get the hell out of the relationship now.

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  • Nope. He hit you. It doesn't matter what the circumstances were, that's a zero-tolerance deal breaker right there.

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  • You guys been dating for ONLY 4 months, and now he psychically punched you in the face. A man who hits a woman can never be a real man. He is not mature enough to have a gf, so you better dump him and get out of there ASAP because the next time you both fight, you would die. Anything can happen in life. Take not of this.

    You had the right to slap him during that particular time when he cornered you. You are not in the wrong at all..

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    • Regardless of you have known him for many years, he punched you when you both are a couple, let alone marriage.. Just imagine. LEAVE THE IDIOT NOW!

  • From my interpretation he went into your personal space and you pushed him outta it in the heat of things.

    You also mentioned you shouted for him to get away from you. He then ignored that and had you against the wall and you were slapping trying to get him away from you. So you're trapped against a wall trying whatever means to get out while he's yelling at you leaving things real confusing due to the heat of the situation. He then punches you when he's already the one who has you pinned. So this definitely sounds like he was the aggressor here and that you're slapping was a means of trying to get out of being pinned against the wall.

    Regardless of the blame game. I think you shouldn't bother apologizing and just stay away from him. You're already noting his anger issues. This is what you'll need to be planned for every time you were to meet him. It can't be a good feeling.

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  • Be cautious, punching a girl is extreme. I could maybe, MAYBE, understand if he grabbed you hard or pushed you away after you slapped him but a straight up punch to the face on his record now and existent anger issues don't make a good combo for the future.

    If you want to forgive, just make sure you don't forget. Cause, universe forbid, if he does that shit a second time leave him.

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  • Yas expect moremcoming in the near future ;3

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  • He doesn't know how to control his anger it'll be worse next time.

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  • That's where it begins
    Only 4 months, and already something like that? Jesus

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  • Get out of that relationship he will do it again. You are setting yourself up for a life of hell if he doesn't end up killing you before.

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  • " i slapped the sh! t out of him"

    Umm, you struck him first. When you smack someone first, and they hit you back, the "OMG my partner is abusive" claim just went out the window when you blow struck their flesh. If he's smart, he should just dump you and find a non-violent partner.

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    • And what else is a woman suppose to do when pressed against a wall and in fear with someone much stronger threatening her like that?

      Are you going to tell me that a slap from the 5'3 average woman, not a skilled fighter (unlike me) deserves to always be met with a fully manly punch from a 6ft man and then use the excuse of ''Oh you hit, so I'm hitting you back''. That's not just hitting back, that's hurting someone in anger.
      Now if he were to have slap her with only 50% of his strength, perhaps it might have been different but he straight forward punched her.

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    • Actually I'm only 2 inches shorter than the asker's bf and pretty much strong bodybuilder type (tomboyish too). I can lift weights, throw effective punches, upper cuts, bodyslam someone if I were to need too, dodge most hits and sometimes play wrestling.

      I'm not your ''average, short... I only slap and do the catfight thing'' Jane type.

    • Okay... so do you have a point, besides that women should be able to argue "well, I couldn't hurt him anyways!" as to why assault and battery laws should not apply to both sexes?

  • He should have slapped you instead of a punch, but you should have guessed what would happen when he has anger issues and is pissed then you assault him

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  • Ok yes it was wrong that he hit you. No Man has a right to hit a woman/ young Woman. But that doesn't give you the right to hit him either. It's assault on both your parts. But you know he has anger issues. It's not going to get better. Violence breeds violence. It's just going to get worse.

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  • Deal breaker, a little 5'3 girl slaps you in the face so you full on punch her in the face? Fuck no. That guy is an asshole.

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  • Shopping for a replacement time
    regardless of who did what, the chemistry of this relationship has a crystal ball of doom

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  • You hit him first!

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    • What would u do if sumone press u against the wall? Juz hang in there like a weakling and helpless person? I dont think so.

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    • No one said you were being abused. And truthbeknown, we all knew she hit first, it was his behavior that's questionable.

      I hate questions like these because the asker KNOWS already what they intend to do, her mind was made up before she even wrote the question.

    • What could he have done instead? Grabbed her wrists so that she could not hit him. Pushed her away. Put his arms up. If she still got a good punch in, get rid of her and find another girlfriend. She's crazy.

      Here is the part you ignore in what she said, which makes what happened a lot clearer. He got angry. He got uncomfortably close. She asked him not to. He did it anyway. She pushed him. He backed her into a wall. This is already a violent situation. He is already using force to be intimidating. It is a lot closer to your alley situation than it is to a typical argument. Was it wrong to "slap him silly?" Perhaps. Perhaps because a better alternative was to run. Or perhaps she hit him harder than required. So what? He started making this a physical confrontation, and this all follows a classic pattern of abuse. If a man escalates a verbal argument into a physical confrontation, that is classic abusive behavior.

  • You kidding right? Deal breaker? it's not just that, this is material enough to press charges actually. NEVER let anyone hit you, let alone your partner. It doesn't matter if its 4 months into a relationship or 10 years, the guy is fucking violent and you MUST NOT remain by his side. I'm not saying should/should not. I'm actually telling you what to do: leave his ass now, before it escalates. It always does.

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  • If you are a rational thinking person, yes it would be a deal breaker

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  • If he hit you, Then that should be a deal breaker. There are guys out there who know how to properly treat a lady, and with that, There are better options for you. The one you were telling us about is not one of them.

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  • No I don't care what you do to him he should never of hit you

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  • Only if YOU believe it's a deal breaker. It's not our relationship, so it's not our decisions. Personally I would end it because who knows what will happen in the future but, I don't know the guy, so, I'm not really one to say

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  • Leave his ass Rhianna!

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  • Seriously this relationship has come to blows and my opinion is you both should end it.

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  • deal breaker he will keep doing it seen it happen to many girls over and over again. Time to leave this guy. But don't go slapping him that's not good either

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  • "i slapped the sh! t out of him." if a girl did that to me I would try to shove her away and I would never want to see her again.

    This is all personal choice, I can't stand living near people who argue and fight let alone the thought of being in such a relationship like that. If you hitting him becomes a common thing he should leave the relationship. same for him hitting you. I think both of you were in the wrong and need to figure out what made things get so heated to begin with and try to work things out so neither of you feel the "need" to abuse the other.

    with that said it's all up to you if you want to take the risk again but if it was me I would stay away from any violent relationship.

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  • spartanburgimagery.org/.../...Lee.jpg.w300h300.jpg

    i can't bevlieve you consider being with someone that hits you after 4 months

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  • I was going to say that he's in the wrong but then I read it. By "slap the shit out of him" that sounds like you wanted to hurt him at least decently, and its not "ganging up if there's only one guy

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What Girls Said 29

  • This three ring circus act in the Fighting ring goes way Past--------We had something planned. Yes, fits of rage can surely escalate, and although your natural instincts told you to 'Push' him away,'your sub conscientious was also Telling you to strike back as an Impulse to protect your face. This set him off like a raging bull and with the stamping of his feet, here goes the low blow. And with This, it goes even deeper than the bruise 'that hurt like hell,' it's the idea that he even laid a paw on you, Could have done worse damage than he did, and now it may be a Problem child Pattern that you are just seeing as of now After------Been together 4 months.
    Yes, you could always forgive him, but how many times will you have to, should he try this again? And again? And with his "I'm sorry" most likely telling you now or even each and every time that he won't do it again, you are at a 'friend's house' for a reason, instead of him, feeling so bad that you 'Should forgive him.'
    Give yourself time to do some soul searching. And in doing this, it will give him some More 'Time' to think about what he did to you And Could have done. Don't be so quick to take him back right now, let him sulk in his own sorrowful sorrows and perhaps this will teach him a lesson in trying anything like this little stunt again. However, seeing is believing.
    If you do see it is becoming an incessant habit during any of your future fights, it would be high time to throw in the towel, give him his walking papers, for it is something that doesn't just come about, but something he is used to doing when 'Mad as hell.' And even with Anger Management classes, if he would consent, it's a long haul, never a guarantee, and you would be this Enabler each and every time you might feel bad for maybe even making him raise his hand.
    Good luck, hope you are feeling better, sweetie. xx

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  • You slapped him first. It's your fault. When you hit someone you have to expect they're going to hit you back, which is exactly what happened. Go apologize to him, have a talk about what happened, and leave it up to him whether or not he forgives you.

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    • I could never justify a slap with a punch though :(. especially coming from me holy shit! hahaa

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    • Yas getting corner and pressing against the wall is quite similar to being restraining so all she does is resisted and she was uncomfortable with what he was doing so.. i can see why she slap da eff outta him. He shouldve give her her space and not close in and threatening her. What do u do when ur being threatening? Juz stand right there? U must be kiddin' right?

    • @Keyspirits: I never said that I would just stand there and do nothing. I think this conversation is over now, so bye.

  • First of all you both were in the wrong for laying hands on each other the way you did.
    Second i am and have been going through a similar thing so i am coming from a perspective of understanding where you stand, abuse is not okay!! Especially if it continues, i have never allowed myself to stay in an abusive relationship, my fiance and i both have been abusive to each other, i was actually hospitalized once, he was so drunk he didn't remember, people think I'm stupid for staying, i left for a week but came back, for one reason- he was/is seeking help and stopped drinking heavily!!! He also has anger issues.
    My advice to you is if really want to give him another chance, make sure he is willing to change and seek help, get help for yourself and for your relationship (couples counseling) , if he is willing to admit he has problems and to seek help then give him another chance and work onit together, it might happen again yes, but honestly it will be a work in progress so be patient!!! After my being sent to the hospital, there were only 2 incidents, we both have had battery charges against each other and been arrested.
    Now we know our triggers we know to avoid them and to take a break before we break, he walks away before he loses it.
    Point is if he wants to change he will, he will try everything for fights to not get that out of control anymore. If things get better and change like mine did, then go for it, if it continues and doesn't get better leave because it will just get worse!! My mom was extremely abused to the point of attempt of murder.
    I stayed because things got better out of the 2 year relationship, there was only a small window of abuse that changed real quick!! If things didn't change and get better i would have been out the door without looking back!!!
    So basically stay only if things change between the both of you if not run. the 2 incidences were both of us.
    Also have an escape plan and emergency bag with clothes and documents, good luck

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  • yes, you were wrong for hitting him girls seem to have a double standard with hitting guys. They hurt too truthfully if you love him you can give him a second chance because you guys hit each other in a heated argument. He was mad, and you were upset. Just next time you get into a argument just try to stay calm and listen to each other. Now if he starts hitting you while not arguing or he just hits you cause he is mad then you are officially in a abusive relationship and should get out of it. You should talk to him about what happened tell him your sorry for hitting him vise versa, It will be okay gdluck

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  • There's a big difference between a slap from a 5'3 girl and a punch from a 6'0 man. I've been in that situation before and I know exactly how you felt when he got in your face and started screaming and cursing. It's overwhelming. If it's been only 4 months and you're already driving each other to this point, you need to end up for good.

    If he hit you once, he's gonna hit you again (especially if he has anger issues like you said).

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  • Hell no! He came out of a woman he shouldn't go around disrespecting one. Its a MAJOR deal breaker! Once a hitter always a hitter. They ALL say they don't mean it but look what happens anyway.

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  • Forgive him this time and he will only do it again. Please get rid of this guy, for your own sake!

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  • Both of your actions are deal breakers. I'm pretty sure my bf wouldn't punch me for anything, even if I slapped him, which I wouldn't do anyway. Nor would he back me into a wall. Yes, you should have told him where you were going but so what?

    All of this is a huge no.

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  • No. Don't go back to him. You've been dating for four months and had a big argument? What happens in a year from now when there's a more serious matter? You punch him, and he shoots you? It only escalates from here on. You'll regret it. I mean, if your best friend got punched by her boyfriend, would you think she should break up with him? I would MAKE my best friend break up with him. That is not right.. You slapped him to let him know your boundaries and he was in your space, and you felt threatened. He punched you, because he has CONTROL issues. Just because he said he was sorry, doesn't mean he's not gonna do it again!

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  • he shouldn't punch you in the face. he clearly is twice your fricken size. and you shouldn't slap the shit out of him either. solve your issues another way. and really, you're getting in a fight THAT bad that you need to get violent? at 4 months? just break up with him. it'll save a lot of time and drama.

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  • Thats a deal breaker. Yeah sure you hit him but he shouldn't have punched you in the face.. He punched you in the face. And you guys have only been together for 4 months. If it turns out abusive it will only get harder as time goes by in your relationship, way harder to leave.

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  • You both were very wrong for all of this. Don't ever hit someone girl or guy and not expect to get hit back. Next time y'all get in a fight its best to walk away. Go ahead and forgive but if it happens again then y'all need to just let it go.

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  • I just wanted to say that it is NOT your fault. You shouldn't have slapped him, but for him to try and knock-out punch you is not excusable.

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  • You shouldn't have hit him, but his response was uncalled for. Leave.

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  • Absolute deal breaker for me. Any guy that ever laid a hand on me in a way that was intended to hurt, would never see me again. Granted you probably shouldn't have slapped him but in my opinion, if it's done once it's likely to happen again.

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  • Oh really? I would upper cut him and kicked his groin after that punch. I'm kind of a bodybuilder myself (5'10 here) and can be tough looking. I guess this must be a reason no guy has ever asked me out in school and all I got is a couple guy friends and mainly female friends.

    Hand him over to me. lol

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  • In dot care if a guy gets mad at me for saying this but hon he deserved to get slapped. If I was being slammed up against a wall by some guy and he was yelling at me he should expect to get slapped at or punched. But you didn't deserve to get punched. That's just fucked up. I'd leave him

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  • A SLAP back would have been sufficient enough
    but A PUNCH is overboard. Then again men should learn self defense

    Men in this generation make me sick, what's with all the domestic abuse stories? You guys sure must have hated your mothers.

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    • Tell me about it. At this point I'm taller and stronger than my 12 year-old brother (I'm 15) and even though I can win in our wrestling games, he still has never punched me in anger nor slapped me. Though that would obviously be a very bad idea for him, he doesn't do it because I'm stronger but because he still doesn't like hurting girls.

  • What did you expect him to do you said you slapped the $hit out of him. You both should take a step back & reacess the relationship. That's just my opinion.

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  • I'm pretty sure regardless of what people say on here, you're still going to forgive him.

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  • No, you have no responsibility to forgive him. I'm so sorry that happened. If it happens one time, it will certainly happen again. It will only get worse. You need to remove this man from your life.

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  • Yes.. that's the most rude thing a boy can do, you should leave him before he might seriously injure you

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  • Give him ONE more chance , if this happened again, then leave , .

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  • OK. Listen very carefully. Ready? MOVE OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. Do not think about it. Do not try to salvage it. GO! Because this WILL happen again. And again. And he will say he is sorry. Again. Read this answer over and over until you GET IT. The papers are filled with woman, dead women, who thought they should stay in abusive relationships. RUN.
    Good luck.

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  • These questions always start out the same way. "Oh I hit him, and he hit me back." These kind of relationships are unhealthy. No he shouldn't have punched you, but you shouldn't have slapped him either. I'd say break up with him because you two shouldn't be together. Neither of you know how to communicate properly.

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  • Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave right now.
    4 months into the relationship? This is basically a glimpse of one year from now, except it will be even worse.
    Leave.
    Also, those of you saying she hit him first... not saying her reaction was the best, but most people in her position would have done the same thing. He was trying to intimidate her and scare her by pinning her against the wall. She also warned him first with a push. It's called fight or flight people. It is completely natural.

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  • You two need counseling you hit him first
    You should not be in a relationship if you are not mature enough to remove yourself from the situation instead of slapping him. You were both wrong
    If I was him I would have left and never came back

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  • Sweetie he has hit you once and in most cases you can be guaranteed he will hit you again. I work for an organisation the helps women and men who are subject to domestic violence. Get out of the relationship because the next time it happens it will be worse.
    I saw this post a few days ago----> pbs.twimg.com/media/BpQaJSRCMAARoh3.jpg:large

    I think it is very powerful and true. Go find someone who will treat you right. Violence should be a deal breaker in any relationship. Good luck xxx

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  • do not forgive him and leave that relationship for the love of God...

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