I am afraid.. It's a bit complicated, I suppose?

Ever since my last relationship I've had really bad luck with women. Either they are taken or married, and I'd have no idea why they talked to me like that. They'd have a kid and I am in no position to raise on of my own or some one else's at the moment. Or they are WAY older than me. Like 35+! I am just 23. All there girls were great people and I enjoyed my time with them but I just can't and won't do anything with them.

Also, when I do meet a girl that I could see myself with I tend to friend zone her. Because I know I won't be staying in this state very much longer ( about a year or two depending) I wouldn't want to build a relationship with a girl only to tell her a year later "I am leaving pack up and come with me and leave it all behind" I know that the girl will have her own plans and would not want to be uprooted to follow some guy she met a year ago or so to some random city that will only be benifit him. she will have friend and family and work etc... And I don't know how she would fair with long distance...

Also I have been hurt by my last relationship and now I have been timid about how I would Be in a relationship. I was not able to do the "couple things" that most people would do in a relationship like hold hands while walking, or a quick kiss on the cheek in public, of taking her out to eat or shop for groceries or random items. (Relationship lasted 2.5 years) She would not let me do those thing with her. So now I am just in an awkward and fearful place in my heart.

I don't know if that make sense but I just want to get out of it. Or know what I should do. Should I just wait And find someone in the new city where I'll be alone? Or should I try to open up and stop friend zoning women out of fear and self protection? I am just confused... It almost kinda of hurts...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Me personally, and I have no idea if it helps or not. Have you ever heard the saying that love happens when you least expect it or looking for it? Well, That's basically what happened to me. U found myself in bad (I guess you could call them relationships) and I was finally done. I had no interest in women. I did not approach them, I did not socialize with them, I did not want anything to do with them. At that point in time, I had written them all off as hollow, shallow, dishonest creatures with no self control to speak of. So after my opinion was formed based on my experience, I continued on and built my life up to what I wanted it to be. I took law enforcement training, Got me a decent job and I was more than content being by myself. Things were going good really. But... I remember meeting my wife. She would come by the place I worked at every so often. At that point, Just before I went to school, I worked retail. So anyway, One of her friends calls me up and tells me who she is and what she drove. That did not rig a bell at the time, But it was noted in case she came by again. A night or so later, She did come by driving the car that was described. I thought she was a regular customer and I didn't think about it that much.

    So then, her and I meet because we were just interested in friendship. After stories had been exchanged, I learned that she had the same experience with guys that I had with girls. So we took a common bond with that and built on it. One thing lead to another and here wee are married. That's the run down on how it worked with me.

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    • Haha I kind of feel the same way it's only recently I've really thoungt about it. Since a lot of the women I talked to seem to be taken... And my last gf left a bad taste in my mouth. So my mind set has been about the same, I've just about given up on women... I know I haven't, but it just a weird mix of fustration, fear, and my situation.

      I've been 'doing me' and becoming a better for myself the past year and some months. Landed my engineering job with and automotive company, about to grauduate. Employer wanting to pay for my masters. And some much more but it just now I was thinking why do I feel like this?

      It's abit annoying for me... But I guess in time, like you said. Thanks

What Girls Said 1

  • I think you should open up :) I am 20 and I have been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years, my problem is I know things arn't working out and im scared too! It is alright to be scared we are only young afterall. You will meet that someone who you won't friend zone, you won't have to think about it a whole lot, it will just happen :)

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    • It not opening up I am to much worried about. it's about opening up, getting committed then moving far away and leaving her and eventually breaking up...

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