Need advice, is it a good idea to ask a guy why he has gone quiet, or just leave it alone?

I have been seeing this guy for 3 months and things started off great. we would talk almost every day, he took me on so many really cute dates, we didn't kiss till
Date 3 and didn't sleep together until after 6 weeks. we would sleep over each other's houses and I'd cook dinner with him and we'd take turns cooking each other breakfast. recently he came to a party at my house and met all my friends who liked him. he was just a really affectionate and sweet guys, complimenting me a lot , holding my hand etc. was not sleazy at all.. just for the past 5 weeks he has gone weird , like he slowly started texting me less until we didn't talk at all during the week, we'd just catch up on weekends. i didn't text anymore during the week to give him space. but after the last time I saw him 2 weeks ago he seemed good when I saw him, but then he hasn't texted me at all. i texted last weekend and he said something about working all weekend and getting his car dinged. he stopped replying shortly after and has not replied since. i feel pretty hurt and not sure whether not to talk to him again or text him and ask him whether or not he has lost interest. my friends all think I should text him and ask but I don't know if I should. please help?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just to give my perspective, I have social and emotional developmental deficiencies from my mild Asperger's. So, there are times when I become overwhelmed by social interactions and intimate time together. Part of it is just I have so many thoughts and worries/anxieties swirling in my head that I'm not in the right mindset to be conscious about intimacy or feel good enough to give you the attention that you need. I'm not saying your guy is like this, but it sounds like he is probably just really busy now and has a lot of things going on in his mind, just to relate to my previous point. Again for me, sometimes it feels like it takes all my brain power and energy to address the emotional aspects of a relationship because of the gaps in my "emotional circuitry." I have to spend more time in reflection and thought before I'm good to be fully mentally present with you. Maybe that's why he seemed perfectly fine because he handled his business and could now put his mental focus on the time with you. I'm the extreme case in this regard because they say Asperger's is like being overtly male and I'm sure a lot of guys have these challenges at some point in ther lives. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to just do some positive reinforcement and say some things you like/miss about him and how those things make you feel when he's around. We can be pretty forgetful about this stuff and it should help him be more aware of your feelings. If he really cares about you, he would sit down and try to talk this out and find a way that you both can relate to each other and help the relationship grow. If not, then there's your sign that it's not going to last. That's the way I would see it because it would just make me feel more overhwhelmed if I was given pressure and criticism over my aloofness or desire to have alone time without taking my physiological condition into consideration.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I would say if you like this guy then have a plan. He might have got bored but you can bring him back if you want.
    As you have already dated for quite sometime you know much about him.
    Do text him but not which says "Is it over" or something like that
    Surprise him. Try to talk some of his favorite topic after doing some preparation. And when discussing that don't prove your point that you know the topic, go a bit deep by asking some questions and when you know something which he is saying just mention "Oh you mean like this etc etc." Boys love if some girl can talk with him about a topic that they are good at and she also has some idea about it.
    Other then that be cheerful and when texting add some new funny stories which you are sure he will like.
    It may help you in having some more time with him and knowing him better and then you can decide that would you want to continue to meet him or he is not the one that you were looking for.

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  • Why not? I mean, you're done, either way. What're you going to lose? If you're curious, go ahead and try to get it out of him.

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  • I promise every girl asks this so im going to tell you what i tell them. He knows that you want to talk to him. The more he doesn't talk to you the more you want to hear from him and he knows this. This post proves that. Every guy does it.

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    • Should I text him and ask him if we are done or is it better to
      Leave it alone. i think that after 3 months he owes me at least to
      Tell me himself.

    • let him play his game and you play yours then he'll wonder why you won't text back. Either way he doesn't deserve you obviously.

What Girls Said 1

  • You guys haven't been together that long. I think he's uninterested but too chicken to tell you in person

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