Anxiety attacks about my mother inlaw?

So, here's the story,
I have anxiety attacks about my mother in law quite often. I've gone through quite a bit since I was very young. But over the last while I'm starting the realize that my current anxiety and stress are about her and her family. I feel like she's constantly trying to control each decision my fiancé and I make. I feel like if we don't break away from her my kids may also experience the same problems. I want the anxiety to stop. I want to be me again. I know she will never be completely out of our lives. And I wouldn't ask that of him. That's his mother and it wouldn't be right. But I would love some distance and less visits. But for the time being, anyone else who is experiencing this... what are you doing to cope with it? How do you keep your cool around her without feeling like you're going to explode at any moment. Every time I'm around her I feel like I'm going to break and lose control. And I really don't want to do that. It would be terrible for everyone involved. Please someone give some advice!

Updates:
Just thought I would put in an update here! Things have gotten a lot better! He had a talk with her a while back that I didn't know about and ever since then things have calmed right down. She stays out of our business for the most part. Every once in a while she throws in a jab at me, but it doesn't bring me down like before. We've been communicating a lot better and it seems like things are falling into place! I'm trying not to get my hopes up just in case, but I am much happier, we both are.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to get your fiance involved. It is his mother and he needs to handle this. He needs to tell her what the boundaries are and that you are his future wife and your decisions take priority. She was in a relationship, she was married, she had a family. This is yours now, not hers.

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    • He and I have had this conversation. He says he will get involved when the time presents itself... aka he won't say anything unless she starts something (which makes sense) we had this talk a while ago and she hasn't done anything of late to start causing us issues. I guess my problem is, is that so much was said in the past when I didn't have his support that I feel like I may never get his support. I would hate to marry him and both of us be miserable if we can't find even ground.

What Guys Said 2

  • The best way to deal with evil... is confront it! Find a beautiful sunny day, invite her for a walk, bring your lady balls along with you, find a nice place to sit down, probably by a beach and then... TALK! Unload how you feel, letter he reciprocate and find a common ground... if all else fails... tie piece of meat to her leg and throw her in the ocean, let the sharks do the rest :)

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    • I have done this as well. But I really don't think she'll listen to anyone expect her son. And I get that. I highly doubt my mom would listen to what my fiancĂ© has to say unless it was coming from me, I know we to get this figured out before we bring children into the picture. I'm just so stressed out over it. And it's quite possible I'm over stressing. It's just the last year has probably been the most challenging year of my list that when I start to recover from something, another something is added to the plate.

  • Don't visit with her. Let hubby go see her, but you should find an excuse not to go.

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    • I do this already. But I hate not being able to see his dad at the same time. Once in a while I do go out but only because I like spending time with his dad... he's the kind of father I wish I'd had. So in short I hate losing out on time with him.

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