Is the best way to find a girlfriend to actually not chase women (unless you have an actual crush)?

I see a lot of people trying to ask a lot of girls out and go through tons of rejection. I myself have never been flirted with, never gone on a date, and have gotten rejected 3/3 times since late August. Honestly, I am really anxious to meet someone but it's just so mentally and emotionally exhausting to constantly be thinking about how bad I want to experience romance.

I was reading some posts on another board the other day, and one of the guys suggested that instead of chasing women to just be your best version of yourself. Instead of looking around the classes to decide which girls to hit on, just focus on being happy, structuring your life so you're happy by yourself, do well in school. If you're older, focus on getting a good job. Hit the gym a lot, be sociable, talk to everyone, laugh, make jokes, have a positive attitude and just STOP ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR LOVE. Work on making it so you consistently think highly of yourself and are proud of yourself because high self-esteem correlates to increased perceived attractiveness. But only do these things for your happiness and well-being, not just to get girls. This shouldn't be a race or a competition. This is being yourself, but being the best version of yourself.

Only ask out girls that show interest and only show interest in girls that you naturally become interested in rather than as a result of hunting for a girlfriend (in other words, only show interest in girls that you naturally develop crushes on). This should also minimize unnecessary rejection/getting led on and it conforms to the saying, "Love comes when you least expect it."

Okay, these seems fine and dandy. But I am afraid I'll still feel anxious and have that intense desire for a romantic relationship and doing this will keep me single for an indefinite amount of time (from 2 weeks to 15 years). So I don't know if I can do this, or if I should.

What do you think? Do you think this applies for women too?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have felt just like this. I finally realized, everything happens for a reason. I know it is definitely not easy to admit to someone you like them. You should however not be scared to do so. Girls like when a guy is a gentlemen to her. The one asking her out on a date, him being the one to say I like you. You should be the best version of yourself, but really don't go for the first girl who throws herself at you. You deserve the best too.

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    • I am not talking about that. Yes, if you like a girl you should show interest. What I was referring to is this approach of asking women out at random and actively trying to hunt for a girlfriend. I am reevaluation if that's really the best way to go about things. Seems like a lot of unnecessary rejection, kind of desperate, and frankly kind of disrespectful to yourself. You are basically communicating that you'll go out with anyone and not expecting what you deserve: someone who will love you for you, your quirks, issues, weaknesses, as well as strengths, accomplishments, good qualities, and fill your life with joy and laughs rather than

    • Play games and emotionally drain you and engage in all that shit.

What Girls Said 1

  • @Only ask out girls that show interest and only show interest in girls that you naturally become interested in rather than as a result of hunting for a girlfriend (in other words, only show interest in girls that you naturally develop crushes on).

    i thought this ids what most people already do. women and men. i didn't really think Anyone runs around chasing just for the sake of it. unless they just want sex in which case the more you trey the better your chance of sex.. I'm sure the chasers aren't looking for ;love;'.

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    • How do you start showing interest in a girl? Or will it come naturally and all you have to do is go up to her and start talking?

    • yeah if i am interested i just talk. if they are interested they talk. if either are shy they still enjoy being in the others presence. if both people are interested they will want to talk or just be newer each other. i dont think you need to stress about it:) just remember talking is only one way interest is shown. people get too wrapped up in its important and miss out on shy people, i think.

What Guys Said 0

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