Online dating and dating in general?

I was talking to this guy, he originally messaged me. We talked online then texted for a week until we met for dinner. He had to reschedule the original dinner as he had to work late the first evening. So we meet the next evening. It went great! We texted after, he said how interested he is, how much he's looking forward to getting to know me. We both have good jobs, stable lives. I do have 2 small kids though... I am 26 and he is 30. We actually have a mutual friend and let's say... I'm not only a saint but the catch of the century compared to his ex girlfriend. He worked a little later yesterday so canceled our plans and we have them rescheduled for today. Thing is I always text him. He always responds. Uses lots of !!! And :-) ;-). But it's me iniating the conversation. Is this a guy thing? Is the chase gone now that he met me? If he cancels again should I move forward elsewhere. Is this how online dating works? How long do you wait to meet the person offline? Maybe we met to soon.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like it is going well but don't think it's a perfect match until you've met a good amount of times and he's still around for a good few months.

    Personally I meet ASAP and consider the girl too insecure if she can't meet fairly quickly. I've met girls the same day I have messaged them and found it to work a lot better. The problem with too much texting and messaging is it creates a fictional version of the guy you are hoping to meet and not the person himself. I've noticed people who message too much without meeting get let down when they find out they were messaging someone and the person turns out differently.

    In texting you can edit texts and plan out what you want to say in advance where in person it's on the spot. His canceling sounds very legit. I've had girls make really BS reasons for canceling. Record cancel for me was a girl who canceled right as I was putting my shoes on with the excuse of her having to go to class which left me wondering "How the fuck does someone plan a date at the same time they have class?" I also had one decide to go to the movies with her dad and left me clueless as to what the plans are. Some even use medical excuses which make me wonder if they're telling the truth. As long as he actively makes an effort to keep in touch with you I wouldn't worry about it.

    Overall I also suggest you wait for him to initiate a text as well. I do this to girls and they almost always lose touch with me and while that sounds like a bad thing, to me it just means I dodged someone who would take me for granted.

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    • Listen to this guy over here. He knows what he is talking about. He is completely right. I met my man on dating website. We started talking Tuesday night, and we met 24 hours later.

    • Thanks @forgetmenots4 glad to see you were able to find someone without that much of a hassle (unless you had tons of duds of course). I think people feel it's "too dangerous" when they don't realize that just meeting publicly and not going to each other's places is easily a way to get around all those safety concerns.

    • Exactly, as long as you meet in public it the same as if you met someone randomly at a bar, coffeehouse, etc. At least in online dating you know some bit of background and who the person generally is. Use common sense and you will be fine.

What Guys Said 4

  • It depends on the person, if the conversations are good in messages and texts than sooner is better. But sometimes life gets in the way. if the person is attentive, intelligent and a good conversationalist then things will work out. Sometimes you meet someone who you have great conversations with online but when you get them in person you find out they are not so good at talking in person, or they lied, or whatever. I've had some really weird happenings when it comes to dating.
    Also you could be over thinking, he could just be busy. Though me personally I think that if you are into someone then you go out of your way to talk to them. Then again he could be playing the field and keeping his options open too. I figure it this way if he is too busy for a relationship then maybe you need to find someone who does. Honestly online dating is just a different version of regular dating. People say online dating isn't real, or is not the same. It is the same thing, just instead of approaching someone in a bar, or at a party you are approaching them in a controlled environment of a website, where they have the option to respond to you or not. Its not that online dating is fake, it just takes a bit more the get through the weirdos and the liars. I've met both. I dont think you met too soon, I just dont think he is ready to move forward, either due to work, or due to him not deciding to go with you and only you. But maybe you should talk to him before you decide to just up and leave. See what he thinks. Not via text either, talk to him in person. See what he says. Then decide. Personally I think dating is just another wing of the crazy house.

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  • Well the fact he keeps having to reschedule might be an issue but it sounds like you have been going out the next day, so sounds like legit working late and not just bullshit. I would say that using that type of stuff in the texts with you shows he is interested, and perhaps he doesn't like to text first bc he doesn't want to see too desperate. It sounds like you should just keep going on dates and see how it goes

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  • I think you are in the right path. Online dating is its own category, and its a lonely island. The sooner you meet, the better, so that you won't develop expectations online during the process of getting to know each other.

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  • How about CALLING him once a while? Especially since you've already met him in person.

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