Why do guys come back?

things ended (and badly) because he wasn't ready to commit, he wants to come back into my life, does that mean he's ready or does he think I would somehow still be cool with not being in a relationship? he's not a bad person and comes from a great family, but he just wasn't ready for a relationship before. it's been 9 months now. idk.

  • if he knows you wanted a relationship before, he is probably coming back because he's open to that
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  • he probably thinks he can just manipulate you into something that isn't a relationship
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
guys, have you gone back to something because you were feeling more ready to at least try to give the girl what she wanted?
do you go back for good reasons?

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What Guys Said 1

  • Do it all the time. Honestly, if/when you reach that maturity and want a girl for commitment it wasn't that girl that wanted you back when you were a douche.

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    • he did tell me that he could fall in love with me, and that it just wasn't good timing...

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    • yep. familiarity. it's easier to game someone old then someone new. i mean anything is possible but honestly i think he's still the same person inside he just knows what you want and maybe thinks he's a "changed man" but the fact that he verbalizes oh i'm ready now instead of just being ready and acting like it makes me think he wants to convince you (and maybe himself) that he's ready when really you're just familiar and safe to him.

    • he never told me he was "ready", when I asked him what he wanted he said he didn't know. and to be honest I don't know. i've asked if he has good intentions, he said yes. so I've dropped some hints that my wants haven't changed. he hasn't claimed to be some kind of "changed man" he was fine before, he just wasn't ready for a relationship because he had just gotten out of one he'd been in since he was 15, and the only one he's ever been in.

What Girls Said 1

  • I found myself in a similar situation, and I was always wondering with him, always questioning, never really sure how he felt or react. And because I invested so much attention to his every action, any pause or hesitation would set me worrying again. But why do you suppose I felt so hypersensitive? My guess is that I knew deep down that we were not compatible, and I was somewhere between denial and desperation--denying to have discovered the truth of it, and desperately trying to keep things the way they were instead of facing the end. Instead of just discussing things with him as an adult, I let myself overthink and overreact, and things dragged out unnecessarily (with my side of the experience being the least pleasant). So to recap, I kept hoping for things to change in my favor, and we got stuck in an unhealthy dynamic, which inevitably breeds more unhealthy behavior.

    Hurting over someone who is supposed to be our lover and partner is simply no way for a beautiful, intelligent, and capable woman to live. I don't need to meet you to know you are all of those things. We were made to thrive, so it's best to find the person who assists you in that, instead of the one who leads you to questioning your own worth.

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    • He never made me question my worth... he was just complicated because he had just gotten out of a relationship he'd been in since he was 15

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