Was this a good approach to get my girl back?

I was talking to this girl for several weeks, and went on one date with her. She wanted to go out again, then I was insecure one day and lost her.

A friend recommended I bring her a rose and a stuffed animal which I did. I surprised her at work. I was told by some not to be too persistent and not even ask her out at that moment or even express how I feel. Another girl just told me I should of told her how I feel.

Did I do this right?

  • Should of expressed more
    44% (27)15% (5)34% (32)Vote
  • You did good
    51% (31)44% (15)48% (46)Vote
  • Should not have done it at all
    5% (3)41% (14)18% (17)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
I just handed her the gift, said I wanted to cheer her up, asked how her day was, then left
I have to say it did not work, not even a thank you. I just have to move on

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You did good, sweetie, to make things right. You were the bigger man, you made the effort with the flower and stuffed toy and it showed her also what kind of guy she would be getting.
    However, if she didn't find anything in What you gave her, then she is the one who will show You-------She is not coming out smelling like a rose, just being stuffy.
    Wait now for her to contact you as to if it is either a yellow brick road or down a beaten path.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thank you for allowing me this journey down your path, sweetie... I only wish there were more 'Courageous lions' out there like yourself instead of tin men or even scare crows... Bless you, hope everything is okay at the home front. xxoo

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    • I'm sorry it didn't work out, but at least she knows what kind of guys are out there, far and few in between. And also a lesson to hide your insecurities the next time behind the 'wizard's curtain' where it's no one's business but yours. xx

    • Holy Fuck! Lol MHO? Keep listening to this crap and you will live a long single life.

What Girls Said 11

  • what does ' i was insecure and i lost her, mean'?

    do you know it was bc you were insecure or is that your -or someone elses- assumption?

    you did nothing wrong. anything you do is fine. i think getting a direct response from her is best so you know whether to move on.

    i dont think insecure moments drive people away. you should just get conformation from her that she wants to try again or just leave it.

    tell her you're still interested, let her speak for herself. get the straight facts.

    then decide your course of action accordingly. and appropriately.

    as in if she's unintersted accept it gracefully and move on. l if she's nit interested she doesn't ned cheering up. you need to move on.

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    • dont worry about the gesture being a mark of weakness. thats such bs. its convenient for people who want t be lazy.

      * SECURITY is not 'not doing things' at the wrong time. its not being afraid to do w/e you want at any time.

  • Ah man that's sweet! :) How'd she react?
    If I were you I'd wait a couple of days, maybe a week and if she doesn't respond by then you should contact her one more time and tell her you'd like a second date, just to show her that you meant it. But I'm sure she'll be in touch! :)
    Did it "end" badly when you lost her?

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  • I am sure she gets the message. You brought her not only a rose but also a stuffed animal. You seem great for doing that. :) It is sweet. I think if she likes you, she will text.. and then you can tell her maybe that you want a second date.. Also if she doesn't text in a week, please let her know that you hope to have a second date, because she might be too insecure to ask you out and not know for sure if the presents were only an apologize or a green light for a next date.

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  • I think you did fine but should've said something along the lines of " I'm sorry for not going out on that date like you wanted, I was so nervous because I really like you. Please take these things and let's talk when you get a chance" I would've also winked at her show some confidence for goodness sake but you didn't do anything so bad that you're going to hell for it lol just tell her how you feel now that you've put your foot back into the water.

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  • I find once someone ( especially a love interest) has formed an opinion of how they feel about you you're fate is sealed. My advice is to move on. If she misses you she will contact you.

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  • That was really sweet. Obviously she doesn't deserve you if she didn't even thank you. You did a good thing.

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    • Yea, sorry about your situation too. If you are at least 16, I'd ask you out.

  • its a good approach to get her back but dont do it too much give her also time and space on her own to think about things and if i were you i will tell what i feel and tell her that you are doing this to make things work again.

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    • Should I have already done that. I did not say too much

  • In my opinion, I'm not a stuffed animal and roses fan but if she likes that sort of thing it would've been a cute surprise. It's nice you made the effort to contact her and cheer her up too but maybe it was a bit sudden?

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    • I lost contact from her thereon forward. I am new to the dating world, so I have a lot to learn still. Just have to keep my head up, easier said than done.

  • what happened for you guys to break up?
    if you dont mind me asking?

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  • You should have told her how you felt, this might have given her the impression that you were trying to buy her forgiveness.. not all people thinks that way. I would be happy that you spent the time to buy be something, but it has to be original and unique... not something cheesy.

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  • I hope she reacted the way you wanted because it's very sweet. However, she may be a little weary of you. I'm going through a similar thing although we dated longer. He is trying to earn my trust back so I hope it goes well for you too.

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What Guys Said 14

  • Listen kid, damage is done, given you are young n insecure, remember the golden rule, you NEVER buy a girl ANY gifts until she is your GF, even then scarcely, otherwise she knows she has you by the balls. Buy giving her anything you communicated "I am totally smitten by you and although I don't think I am good enough for you, hopefully this rose and stuffed animal will make you like me". Oh and btw, kick your friend in the head for giving you such shitty advice.

    My advice- Work on yourself instead of running after this girl, she will come all on her own, because women have a natural knack of smelling "losers", insecurities make you one, you don't wanna get her and loose her all over again, do ya?

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    • I agree with you, the girl already smells ewwww after the guy was insecure about it.
      Buying her stuff indicated ''he wants to use $ to buy her love''

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    • But it is time. I changed my status. Thanks for noticing. That was a while ago. I've since moved on and learned some valuable lessons. What you say is not without validity but nobody succeeds 100% of the time and to say otherwise is nonsense. I've seen much more impressive men than you or I fail. You win some you lose some. That is life.

    • I am gonna say this one last time man... I personally know at least 3 guys on top of my head, other than me, who just happen to be my best friends, who have succeeded 100% of the time! Believe it! Like I said before, when it comes to women, I have yet to run across one who I did not end up taking home.

      What makes you fail with the ladies is lack of confidence, 100% of the time. I have taken home 18yr olds to 45yr old cougars. Its not impossible, actually its really easy, but first you need to believe it can happen, you have already put your hands up and think it will be either a hit or a miss, that's fuck up #1!

      Listen, I am done trying to tell you, so you can live through life just the way you do or you can turn it around, choice is yours, I just wanted to knock some sense into you, don't believe it, I am outta here, good luck.

  • Your story begins fine, though the part about 'being insecure and losing her' needs to be elaborated on...

    Did she ask you out on a second date? Did you decline? Did you ask her on a second date? You said a friend then recommended you take her a rose and stuffed animal. That is a very nice gesture of you that any woman with interest in you would appreciate, even if they do not like that sort of thing. You need to remember that not everyone is interested, some will be, some will not be. There's nothing wrong with either of the two, you just need to find the right one.

    Many men would not have the courage to actually follow through with that plan. I am interested to know if you felt confident while doing it, or if you just did it as per your friend's suggestion? I truly believe it was a nice gesture and wouldn't tell you that it was a bad idea, though, maybe it was too soon? Women may not expect or want a gift such as that after only one date, though many will think it's the sweetest thing a guy ever has done for them.

    Telling a woman how you feel about her is one thing, SHOWING her how you feel is 100 times more intimate. You did nothing wrong, you chose to show her how you feel through a gift. The fact that she didn't even utter a thank you, means that she is not the one for you. You honestly deserve better.

    As for your insecurities: I would recommend that you resolve with yourself whatever you meant by that statement. This will be the most important thing for you moving forward in future relationships. Go with your gut on things, and be confident above all else, I wish you the best of luck, and remember- there are many fish in the sea, do not become discouraged over one girl who is obviously not the one for you!

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    • She said she wanted to go on a second date, then I got all paranoid and it just ended from there

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    • I got paranoid she lost interest so I bombarded her with texts.

    • I've made the same mistake... It happens. What matters is that you learn from your mistakes and correct them for the future, not that the mistake happened in itself.

  • I Personally believe you did too much too soon. You followed an act of insecurity with an insecure gesture, ideally.

    Gift giving of any kind prior to a woman developing feelings for you plausibly does not hold much weight with her, if at all. And, likely, will not influence her one way or the other to go out with you. Unless off course she simply wants to use you.

    Think about it. Confident guys, in general, do not show up at a woman's place with flowers and a toy after the first date, no matter what the reason. It screams "ooh, pick me, pick me, please."

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    • ^^THIS^^... couldn't had said it better myself. BUT if you do decide to show up, don't say nothing, walk up to her, grab her, kiss her, give half a smile and walk away... without saying anything, it will mind fuck this shit outta her and she will call you.

    • Yup I'm with Anon and Hitch here. YOU should be the prize, not her. By doing what you are doing, you put her on an imaginary pedestal. Also, showing up at her work so soon can make you look like a creeper. Seriously, if I had a girl show up at my work after one date, I'd shoo her out and think that she was riding the crazy train to Stalkersville.

      Live and learn buddy.

    • SECURITY is not 'not doing things' at the wrong time. its not being afraid to do w/e you want at any time.

  • Some will say distance, some will say go full boar, I say its a steady pace that wins the race. Be open and honest like you have been and keep in contact. Not to much pressure or attention but not to little. Show that you like her but that you have a life and do not need her. Showing you have a life of your own is the biggest sign of confidence you can show a women and that will do wonders for you.

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  • Well, she's gone.

    You may still get to be friends with her. But any sort of romantic relationship you may have wanted is nuked. You went to her place of work, where she is surrounded by coworkers who are onlooking and are going to judge her on her response (so of course, she was probably sweet and on good behavior, no?) and who are going to ask her questions and she's going to have to explain, and... eh, anyways, you messed up.

    People will think you are "sweet" or "cute" for doing what you did. But "sweet" does not get you dates and romance. It gets you condescending smiles.

    Move on to a new girl.

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  • I think that's a good gesture for sure. However, once they sense insecurity, it's usually a done deal but there is no way of knowing. I would just put it a side for now. I approached one girl I met years ago and didn't hear back from her for almost a year. We ended up dating for six years. So be cool and don't question your approach with her.

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  • I live by one rule, I've broken it and regretted the act but; Never mess with Ex's. There are a number of reasons, but find it within yourself

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  • I know you'd like to thank your shit don't stank, but lean a little bit closer see that roses really smell like boo boo~ yeah roses really smell like boo boo~

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  • You did good because you dont want to speed up to things. Believe me I've done it before and it didn't turn out so great. The more persistent you are the more you are pushing them away. You did good my fried.. You did good.

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  • well it's ok i think
    but just dont ovverdo things ok bro
    good luck :D

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  • Oh.. buddy, if you really did what you said you did then on to the next one, she's gone

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  • Sorry it didn't work man. You have balls though! I would probably not be able to do that haha. Forget her and just move on!

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  • I don't normally answer questions with the "best answer" already picked out but I was just in a similar situation and I thought I should share the revelation I had with you. Guys should help each other after all. Anyway, I voted no. Why? There is no good way of getting a girl back. Girls are the most stubborn, grudge-holding creatures in existence. That's not coming just from me but from nearly all of my girl friends. I had a falling out with a girl so recently I thought I'd try to make amends. It'd been nearly a year since our argument so I thought if I had let it go, she should have as well. Anyway, I decided a nice card with a sincere message would show her that I was contrite and I wanted us to at least be friends again. My friend gave her the card where she worked at my school's cashier's office. She took the card to campus security and had them call me to stay away... about a card. Which is funny because the guy I talked to said she kept it in the end anyway. People who know me, know I'm a good guy so it came as a bit of a shock to me and those I've told -- so ludicrous it was funny in fact. A girl will hold a grudge until the rest of her life and there's nothing you can do or say to change her mind. She has to make that choice and if she does she will let you know.

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    • I appreciate your feedback, I really do. That is good to know and keep into consideration. Thank you.

    • If this incident gave you closure, then it was a good decision. After what happened to me, I finally realized that I'd been lying to myself and she was not a good person and all the desire I had to have her back in my life evaporated. It was the best worst outcome that could have happened. Haha! Hopefully you at least found peace and can move on.

  • it's ohk bro !!!

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