Playful title = judgmental comments, Drunk decisions aftermath?

I posted a question. And I found myself being called a slut with no class. I'm like maybe I should contextualize more... cause I really don't see how what I did was so terrible.

I had a crush on this acquaintance for like months. It's an acquaintance, I didn't know much about him. Went out with some girlfriends, drank a little to much. And finally mustered up the courage to tell him I'm interested in him. He told me:"if I had known earlier. I would've been down. You're a really cool, interesting person. But I got a girlfriend now". He said we should hang out and mentioned a couple times how it was really too bad I hadn't said anything earlier.

This was one of my first confessions ever. I'm a pretty shy person. And I was drunk. To play it off cooly, I said "oh too bad. I am still DTF". But I said it as a joke. And likewise he said "good to remember".

I wanted to be positive about the whole exchange so I said: I think I got my foot in the door. Like come on, it hurts to think that you just got completely shut down by someone you had a crush on for so long. It felt good to think at least he was interested at some point. And if he still wants us to hang out. That's a good thing, right?

Was I so wrong in thinking like this? Did I really make myself out to look like a slut?


0|0
2|4

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, you screwed this up. Royally. But I don't consider you a slut for the way you handled it. There's absolutely no shame in telling someone how you feel about them. And after you did, it seems like he was very flattering to you in telling you what he did. But --- and this is the most important part --- everything was changed because now he was in a relationship with another girl. You have to respect that. And you have to respect this other girl you may not even know. Why do I say that? Because if the situation were reversed, and you and this guy were together in a relationship, and this other girl told him how she felt and that she was still down to fuck him even though he told her he was attached (to you!), how would you feel? You blew this one. But it would show a lot of class on your part if you wrote this guy a note letting him know that that isn't really who you are as a person, and you're sorry for the way you acted. (Not sorry about telling him how you felt about him, btw. Not that part at all.)

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 3

  • I'm assuming people gave you a lot of hate because of the notion of pursuing a guy with girlfriend. Fact is, that's on him, no you. Pursue him if you want. Women who sleep with committed men aren't homewreckers. Committed men who sleep with other women (excluding sexually open relationships) are the homewreckers. If you are to pursue this relationship I would tread with caution, though. If he is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with you, he would almost certainly be open to cheating on you. However, if a booty call is all you need, shame is his not yours. Keep in mind, that he may have felt awkward and was trying to be nice, or meant it as ''good to remember... if this relationship doesn't work out.''

    1|0
    0|0
  • Even with the context you provided, it really does sound like you told him, "hey, I can be your side action."

    Nothing wrong with that in a moral sense; it'd be a bit different if he were married.

    But be careful that you haven't opened Pandora's box of cheating hearts and lonesome booty calls.

    I say, good for you! You will go through life knowing that he was interested, instead of just wondering.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think I just posted on your other question. Society is a bitch, there is no shame in having a mutually agreed upon sexual relationship, but there is a problem with sleeping with someone who is spoken for. It does hurt to get shutdown by someone you are interested in, but come on you are 25-29, this isn't your first rodeo. Getting to know him over coffee is fine, I don't see a problem with that. Seeing him for drinks where the only outcome is sex, is just a bad idea. Use your good judgement and put yourself in his partners shoes.

    1|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 2

  • @no_bs pretty much said it all!! And side pieces are sluts. I'm not calling you one. At least you know he has some interest in you... Though that interest may have been altered due to your statement. I say stay away unless you know for certain he's available. He just might call you if he's in an argument with his girl because he "knows" you'd be down for the cause!! You don't want to get hurt and develope feelings for a guy (if this ends up being the scenario) using you!! Best wishes Salut!!

    1|1
    0|0
  • Eek. Yeah the "I'm DTF" thing is a bit... yucky. But I mean, no harm no foul. Don't sweat it.

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...