How do you find your niche of women when you don't fit into the general standard or stereotypes?

So one thing I've had difficulty with over the last couple years has been finding the niche of women that would be most receptive to a guy like myself. I say niche because I'm not really a guy who fits well into these standards that are common today. For example, I'm not tall. I'm actually below the average height for guys in most countries, including my own. I'm also not muscular. In fact, I'm a fairly skinny guy. I don't lift because the bodybuilding thing doesn't suit me. I don't see myself as unhealthy, as I do regular runs and eat the right things (usually). I'm also incredibly nerdy. My interests are in things like science fiction, fantasy, geopolitics, investing, gaming (although i admit that gaming has become more mainstream since the days that i started playing).

The image I describe pretty much shatters what people first think when they picture a black guy lol. I mean hell, I'd say I was 10x more into sushi and bubble tea than most of my own ethnic foods. So basically, I feel like in a environment where a certain look (and oftentimes race) is preferred, I'm left looking for a particular niche (ie. girls who have a preference for short, black, scrawny guys who have a bit of a nerdy/gamer side) which if you think about it, its not something you hear often, if at all

Now I say this has been an issue over the last couple or so years mainly because I feel like I've grown/developed/changed more in the last 2 - 3 years than I have at any period in the last 15 years or so back that i can remember. So my question is, how do I actually find my particular niche amongst the huge ocean of women who prefer something else?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you sound like a great guy, & if I feel that way, I'm sure other women will too. You have great interests, & I think you'd be fun to talk to. I really think this height thing is overrated, I don't care if a guy is 5 foot or 6 foot, it's just height. And a man doesn't have to be Arnold Schwarzenegger to be attractive to women, many women like skinny guys. Don't give up hope, I'm sure you'll find someone.


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What Girls Said 1

  • i've met black guys who are "different" than the norm, and the ones i've seen who can get dates are the ones who own it. they dont try to be hood or athletic and they are proud of their interests. they dont make apologies for who they are and they have an active social life. your interests are pretty introverted so if you are not spending time getting out among people your gonna have a harder time finding women with similar interests. branch out and go to parties. i'm friends with a nerdy black guy (he's gay though) but everyone loves him because he's just cool with people, has a wide social network and is outgoing.

    • i get out quite a bit honestly. I do what I can with the time that i have due to med school.

What Guys Said 1

  • What about dating Asian chicks? You have to get in circles where those girls are around. If you like running, join a running club. If you are into science fiction, try going to sci fi conventions. If you like sushi, go find a cooking class that teaches you how to make sushi.

    • oh trust me, im already part of some of those circles. The thing is though, being part of one of these circles doesn't necessarily mean that the women there would have a preference for people like yourself. For instance, i may meet a girl who is into sushi at a cooking class, but this same girl isn't necessarily going to be attracted to me in that way because all the things that make me who I am (as described above) go beyond just my love for sushi. These particular circles have been a great way for me to make friends, but not necessarily girlfriends.

    • Maybe you're putting yourself in the friendzone too quickly. Don't be friends with girls you find attractive.