Is she relationship material?

Hello! I just got out of a 4 year relationship and have been hanging with a new girl for a couple months. We've had sex twice (for awhile I had zero sexual desire) and we hang out on average 2-3 times a week. Right now we're FWB, but she has admitted to "catching feelings" and wanting something more but she is so cool that she understands me not wanting a relationship and is fine with it (obviously not). I feel guilty getting close and intimate with her because I feel like im leading her on, or building her up so the fall is even harsher. I love her personality and I am attracted to her but something inside me says it doesn't feel right. I never got that spark with her that I did with my previous long term relationships (that feeling of falling in love and knowing something is right) . I'm also first year in college, working weekends, and broke. Being at college I obviously see tons of women around but none that have taken a liking to me with it being mutual. Am I too shallow or just afraid of commitment?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was in exactly the same boat last year! And I totally know the feelings you're going through. At the time I kept thinking I was never going to find anyway who I could be in a relationship that I loved etc. and when I met this guy - 2 months later, we went out for a couple of months and then I ended up dumping him after going overseas for another 2 months (everything is two months?) and then that night I realised I needed to just give him a chance and I found out that we're a great match! So I think because it might still be a bit of a fresh wound.. Don't feel you have to hurl yourself into a relationship. Having said that don't lead the poor girl on, I'd be clear that a relationship might not be what you're looking for right now. Hope this was helpful!

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    • Thanks ladies! This girl is REALLY down to earth, she's said before that even if things didn't work out she would want to keep our friendship :) . Even today she texted me and said "I consider you a really really good friend tho... one that I love having sex with, even though we never do anymore :*( " I do think that she puts a shield up though, in fear of getting hurt... but who doesnt? I guess the best move now is to just play it cool and enjoy the friendship, if sex happens it happens. I think part of me wanted to rush into a relationship, especially since I was deeply in love with my ex and she moved on fairly quickly, some wounds are deep. I'm really glad I stumbled upon this site though, thanks for the advice!

What Girls Said 4

  • Keep her as a friend only.. be honest to her. Feelings is nit something you force your heart to produce.
    Try not to be with anyone for 1-2 months.. know your self better and organize ur life a bit.. and one day a girl will pass you by and take your breath away
    put ur happiness first but also don't hurt others
    Wish you a happy life

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  • It doesn't feel right cause you have not truly healed from the previous. I say cool it with you FWB, just take space, and try to not have sex. Get a different FWB. Cause no matter what she says, she will develop more feelings, and if you stay too long, eventually she will love you and you will have to end it and it will hurt more and make you look like the bad guy. I understand you might feel lonely but don't continue this with your friend.

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  • Stop the friends with benefits relationship, like you said you know you're only leading her for a bigger fall. You're obviously not ready for another relationship right now but you do like this chick as a friend at least sooo after you end being fwb, give her some time to think and see if she would still like to stay friends unless it'd be too painful for her.

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  • Well you have just got out of a really long relationship, is it possible you are not completely over it yet? Maybe that is one of the reasons why you don't want to commit again or at least not so soon, if you don't have that spark with here and she obviously feels something for you maybe you should stop the friends with benefits thing, since she would probably end hurt, I mean there are many more girls out there with whom you might get the spark, but if you don't truly like her or wanna be with her when she already says she has feelings for you, I think you should move on from that and let her move on too, I hope this helped

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