For the ladies: How do YOU act in the early stages of dating/new relationship?

I've always been curious about this as I'm a girl and only date guys. LADIES: How do you act in the early stages of dating/new relationship?

Say you meet a new guy out who gets your number, and he texts you one day. What now?

1) Do you initiate texts in the beginning?
2) Do you ask them out on a date?
3) How do you act on the date? (Shy, talkative, outgoing, introverted, hookup/no hookup?)
4) How do you act after the date?
-Do you now text/call first sometimes?
-Do you ask them on the next date?

Ladies I'm dying to know what the norm is. Describe your typical "courting" process with a new guy. And remember this is all early stages before a committed relationship. Think more pre-first date to date three.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1) Ask questions, don't initiate unless (for example) he ended the text with a goodnight/sweet dreams type thing, and I respond in the morning saying good morning and ask a question or two
    2) Never ask on date unless we've been hanging out for a while, and I ask if he wants to catch a movie or something
    3) I'm pretty outgoing, so I have no problem taking charge on a date. No hookup, as if I like the guy, I don't like the thought of him doing the same thing with a different girl the next day. He has to work for something as simple as a kiss
    4) No matter how great, I wait for the guy to text me after the first few dates. If he enjoyed himself, he will write and want to "do something soon"

    - After a few dates and spending more time together, I now initiate dates and have no problem texting first. Although with most guys the conversation is a non-ending thing, it just continues with no one texting "first" but rather continuing the convo

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • 1) I text back, and initiate texts.
    2) He might ask before I get to that, but I don't mind asking.
    3) I'm myself; talking, asking questions, listening, smiling, laughing, teasing, flirting, being a little shy. That's on a good date. The not so great ones I'm still nice, but less engaging and more reserved.
    4) At the end of the date, we walk to my car, I'll say I had a really good time if I did, and he'll probably say the same thing and maybe ask about going out again. If I like him and the date went well, then I'll say yes, and that I'd love to. We might kiss/make out. He asks me to text him when I get home safe. So I'll do that, and we'll keep talking.

    It's not always like that, but if I had to generalize the way it goes, that would be it. Each guy and first date can be pretty different, though. Like with the current guy I'm with, we were listening/dancing/singing to music and making out in his car for a good hour before I said my goodbyes. It was also a pretty long date, like 7-8 hours, but I enjoyed hanging out with him and didn't feel like it dragged at all, so that was a really good sign.

    What about your experiences? If you don't mind me asking haha. My friends will talk my ear off about their dates, but I feel like there's similarities also because we live in the same area. I wonder if it's very different in other places.

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    • Thanks for the info!

      I'm similar to you, except I rarely initiate texts for the first couple dates. Usually after the 2nd date I'll start initiating, but prior to that I let him take all the leads. It's hard because sometimes they feel it's too much work, and I'll see them back off, even though I respond very positively when they initiate.

      But when I've done the initiating in the past, they've usually only wanted to take it sexual so that's where I learned this barrier from.

    • No problem! Thanks for sharing yours as well. About initiating first, I've experienced that too sometimes. Not with texting first, but mostly with actually asking a guy out. I think it's because girls rarely do that, so when we do, some guys read into it too much and assume you're extremely into them and possibly down for sex, sooner than you actually are. Other times they're pleasantly surprised, but don't make any assumptions other than you like them. Then there’s also the guys who aren’t as confident or forward, and happy you asked so they didn't have to. I tend to want to talk to/text a guy a bit before suggesting a date, so often they'll get to it before I do, but when I do ask a guy out, I guess it gives me some idea of where they’re at as well.

  • Dating tendencies will vary from person to person, but here is how dating usually goes for me:

    I'm pretty shy, so I tend to just play it cool in the beginning, letting the guy take the lead. I don't initiate texts or ask him out, but I do respond positively when he does, so that he knows I'm interested and doesn't get discouraged.

    On the actual first date itself, I feel nervous, and am not very talkative as a result. But, I do make sure to smile, make eye contact, ask questions, listen, and just be sweet. When I start to feel out his personality (e. g. his genuineness, sense of humor, etc), I relax a bit and open up more -- it just takes me awhile, but guys don't seem to mind too much. I'll let him kiss me at the end, if we had a good time.

    I don't ask the guy out on the second date. On this date, I'm less nervous and reserved, since I have a better idea of what to expect (i. e. this guy's personality). I try to focus on just connecting with him more. If I really like him, and he suggests going back to his place to watch movies or listen to music or whatever, I'll usually be down to. I don't see a problem with prolonging an awesome night. I'd just make sure to say something like, "You just want to cuddle, right?" and let him know I don't want to do anything sexual. I don't go any farther than kissing/making out/cuddling until I'm in an exclusive relationship with someone.

    After the second date, I'll suggest a date idea if one comes to mind. Same thing with texts -- I'll text him first, if I actually have something to say.

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    • Awesome! Well it happens to me pretty often with guys where they'll initiate all the texts and first date, then still contact me after the date (so I know they enjoyed it), but cool off some. Almost like they're annoyed I'm not texting them first I guess. So sometimes we won't make it to the 2nd date because they feel I wasn't reciprocating, even though I'm always very engaging and easy to talk to when they do. Any thoughts on this?

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    • @AleDeEurope, To be honest I'd be fine with this, except he became less engaging after our first date. Like I was the one carrying the conversations, asking questions, etc. even though he texted first. Multiple times he sent me back one-word texts and I made an effort after. So to be honest, I don't find him much fun to text right now, and feel I'd look a little desperate to initiate after all the work I put in.

    • Ok, I understand your situation. I was actually talking in general, like every time you date. I didn't know about the guy you're seeing right now. In this case I understand why you don't feel like texting first, but in the case that everything is going great, you should definitely text first sometimes.

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