Going out with this gorgeous girl, how can I not screw it up?

I met this girl on the train the other night. She is stunning, but also very nice. I didn't really focus on her looks just that she was a cool person to talk to. I've seen her before but never talked to her. She was looking at me from afar so I went over to her, boarded with her, and started talking to her. We joked around a bit. She told me about her. She told me her name (it was loud and I butchered hearing what I interpreted).

Her stop was coming up, and I said she seemed cool and wanted to get her number. I gave her my phone, she put it in, said it was nice to meet me and looked forward to hearing from me. I gave her a call and then she called me back. We talked for a bit, joked, and said I wanted to say it was nice to meet her, wished her a goodnight and asked if she wants to go out sometime? She said that would be great. I asked her schedule for the week and I think we might get something figured out... or early next week (I was saying I had to get some stuff done).

So question: Should I try to get a date with her Friday night even if it might be tough for me? Or should for early next week?

Drink at a trendy bar good?

I looked her up on FB and she is gorgeous. I never really focused on her looks when I was talking to her just that she was a cool person. But man, I feel like I'm a bit out of my league here!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First thing to do is just "accept" that she's interested in you, and "appreciate" her for not playing games and seeking validation from you that you want her and like her and find her attractive, etc.

    Second thing to do is to acknowledge that she's attractive, and then get over it.

    Third, don't let her looks throw you off. She's a human being in a female body. She has the same normal behaviors other similarly situated people have in her circumstances. Just try to get to know her, rather than trying to get something from her, and see if she's even someone you like.

    Definitely don't "pretend" she's someone you like just to have sex with her. Not only is that not fair to her, it's also not fair to you! It's really not. You're going to ruin your reputation, you're going to ruin how you feel about yourself (in the long-run), and you're going to ruin the chance to at least see if you ever really were interested in her as a complete person. She's "accepted" you as a dating partner... that's all the sexual validation you should need. If she didn't think you were up to par with the value she brought to the table, she wouldn't waste her time with you.

    Attractive girls are like guys with a good job or good income, there's no shortage of "good" options for them. Not just "options," but options "they actually want." So, they don't have patience to tolerate BS here and there, or to give someone "a chance." They don't have the same "need" to compromise or settle.

    So, if she's with you, it's because she likes something about you, even if it's as simple as you making her feel more attractive. Look, I'm no 10, I would say I'm an 8 in the looks department (when naked or without a suit to distort or create bias in any opinion). But, when a 9 or 10 wants some of this, it's not because it's a 1:1 exchange on my looks. I'm giving her the feeling of "feeling like she's better-looking" which makes her feel "safe and secure" in the relationship.

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    • She's obviously afraid of a few exes or horror stories she's heard about guys over the years, and she doesn't want to feel like her guy is going to run off with some other girl... and the way she's going to feel safe and secure about that is by being with a guy that (in her opinion) is "less attractive" than her (ironic, but it makes sense). She's clearly aware of how she looks, and knows it's her strongest selling point (even if she doesn't want to admit it openly). So, she wants to make sure the guy she's with isn't going to crush her sense of self-worth by LEAVING her for a "BETTER LOOKING" girl (you could see how that would CRUSH a good-looking girl). Plus, girls want to feel like they're "pampering" their guy sexually (some do anyway), and the "easiest" way to feel that way is to basically be the one and only 10 in a guy's life... which is more likely to be the case for a not-as-attractive-as-her guy. So, that's a little bit of the "why" you

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    • What do you want? Whenever you get an itch to do something, ask yourself, "what do I want?" Are you looking for her to show you that she's interested in you, that she cares about you, that she also wants you, that she's thinking about you, etc? That's not a reason to call. Do you want to talk to her about something? What? Do you want to feel closer to her? Why? Because you want to feel out whether she's interested in you or not? Stop. Take a step back. These are your emotions getting out of control. You have to keep yourself in check or else you're going to go nuts. Stop letting your 20,000 brain take over and be in the driver's seat. Let the man in 2014 be in charge of how you think and behave. That's what's setting you apart from the other 200,000 guys who look at her, want to fcuk her, go emotionally confused and crazy, and have that consume them. You set up a date. If you feel like talking to her, text her, but don't let yourself go crazy.

    • Keep in contact though, just don't turn into a needy little 12-year old girl who is constantly seeking attention and validation from the other person. That gets harassing and annoying, and just shows that you can't keep your emotions in check. It's flattering for like 3 seconds, and then gets annoying very fast. So, keep in touch, text her, let her know you're not ignoring her or playing distance phone games.. let her know you're not afraid to show her that you're thinking about her and that you miss her.. but don't go overboard.. it's a "reasonable" and "composed" level of missing someone.. not an "obsessed, I've never been with anyone as hot as you" level of missing someone.. in the mean time, I HIGHLY suggest you grab yourself a copy of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and read up on the chapter regarding "Self Awareness."

What Girls Said 2

  • do it be yourself be confident dont get put of because she's beautiful she's the same as everyone eles just with a more attractive face but dont put all your eggs in one basket
    x

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    • you mean just be casual and be me and let the chips fall where they may?

  • If you make the effort even though it is tough for her that means a lot to a girl. But if you do do the Friday even it is inconvenient don't go on and on about it because that will put her off. Maybe subtle tell her that Friday isn't going to be that easy but for her you'll try. And most definitely DO NOT bail on a date with her. Don't say Friday then cancel last minute because that will immediately tell her what kind of guy you are and she may lose interest. Don't be afraid to date her just because she is good looking, she may have had experiences in the past where men have been to intimidated by her looks to even ask her out. So just go with you gut and learn to read her so you know what she's feeling.

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    • What if we don't make hard plans but I say the day before that the day isn't going to work and do early next week? I really want to go out with her on Friday... but it is just not going to work as planned.

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    • Yeah that texts good. DO IT!

    • Done

What Guys Said 3

  • This is where I differ from most guys on subjects around girls. Attractive girls might be really cool but they still know they're attractive and they still get hit on multiple times every day so they are going to have higher expectations than normal girls. That said, I don't think you should just treat her like "one of your friends" in that you should still make sweet gestures and just generally have your A game on but for sure be confident that you're good enough for this to work out. Like open doors, don't just take up her Friday night for a "first date" unless you think she'd like that etc.

    This all might sound obvious but for most average girls treating them kind of crappy out of the gate actually works especially for quick sex and holding doors and paying for meals and nice gestures is actual a bad thing. Don't use average girl game on an attractive girl and you should be fine haha.

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  • How can I not screw up?
    Focus on having fun with her, never thought she's out of your league because everyone is just a person (like u said u didn't really focus on her look)

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    • So I called to re-schedule just now and went to VM. I left a VM.

  • No good will come from dating an attractive girl, get out before it's too late

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    • I don't think she is flaunting how good looking she is... I thought she was somewhat reserved about it, but just naturally good looking..

    • She will have hundreds of other guys hitting on her, infact you're probably competing against 10 other guys right now. You will be in competition from the moment you start seeing her till the day you break up. If that sounds good to you go for it.

    • She's a nice girl nonetheless

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