How does everyone have a boyfriend and I don't?

I am nice, attractive, take care of my body, in university doing a great degree that will allow me to completely support myself, I don't smoke I am able to be the active laid back girl and the sexy dressed up girl at the same time... I just can't seem to find a decent guy :(

The only guys who ever hit on me are douchebags and guys i meet at the bar or club. I don't have any guy friends and my program in university is primarily all girls.

How do you even get a boyfriend?

I am 20.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys in bars and clubs are likely looking to be with you for a night. That isn't universally true, for both men and women, but a higher percentage of the time, it is. So if you're looking to hook up, it gives you a good chance, but a good boyfriend is less likely.

    At your age, "normal" guys don't have much social savvy and probably will be shy/not confident in speaking with women. Bold guys are probably already experienced and successful with women (a few relationships, mainly hookups).

    Here's the rub--in all likelihood, you are attracted to the "douches" (as you put it). This is really common. Women, in general, are attracted to men who are confident AND who have been successful with other women. "Nice guys" who gets friend-zoned don't have confidence or success with women, which is why you probably aren't attracted to them, but nice guys make up the greatest % of men. At your age, your choice is between "douches" and guys who, frankly, suck with women. Other people are going to tell you to stop being too picky, give some nice guys a chance--bollocks, awful advice, do not settle (ESPECIALLY as young as you are).

    When you say "I can't find a decent guy," typically, I have found that means "I can't find a guy who is sexy like the douches but also has many other fine qualities." These guys definitely exist, but you probably aren't going to find one at your age, and they are the rarest sort of person--and they get so much attention from women that they don't have to choose a single girl unless they are so inclined.

    So here's my suggestion--go on a bunch of dates with all kinds of men, just for fun and experience. Don't put pressure on yourself for a boyfriend (or pressure on him--people don't respond to it, romantically). By doing this, you'll become really good at dealing with men, and by sheer force of numbers, you will be more likely to land one of those rare gents I mentioned.

    Remember, have fun ;)

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    • PS You mentioned "everyone else has one and I don't." Everyone else doesn't matter. A lot of women will be in a relationship just to be in a relationship, because being in a relationship = higher social status, because it = being desirable. Don't fall into the Social Status Trap. Date someone if you enjoy them. You'll find that if don't get get caught in the Social Status Trap, that you will actually inherently be of higher social status, relationship or not. Maybe that applies to you, maybe it doesn't, but it does to most people, or at least that's been my experience.

      And those high value guys will be more likely to notice you if you don't play the Social Status Game, as well--they take notice.

What Guys Said 4

  • A lot of the time dating comes down to opportunity. You won't find the right kinds of guys at bars (possible, but highly unlikely hehe), so you're best bet (like everyone ever will tell you) is to join clubs where you might find guys who share common interests with you. If you want a guy then to hit on you who doesn't have some next amount of douche confidence, you'll need to signal interest pretty clearly. Your average guy isn't going to go out of his way to possibly embarrass himself or waste his energy thinking of interesting and funny things to say for someone that doesn't seem remotely interested. Make eye contact, smile more when you're around a guy that you see you like. If you seem approachable, he'll find a way to strike up a conversation when he gets the chance, and the rest will happen!

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  • Catch 22 but worrying about it only makes It worse. Your anxiety when talking to guy will begin to force you in to bad habits. Honestly... You should ask a guy out, a random guy. Go somewhere silly for the date, like a carnival or something kinda childish. So you can act stupid say embarrassing things do all the wrong things in one night. Get it out your system. It will be fun... Get you out of your comfort zone and break down some anxiety you have about dating etc. I know it sounds crazy but psychiatrist advise this kind of activity.
    Ps come clean with the guy at the end of the date... don't scar the poor chap

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  • How to get a boyfriend? Well basically you just need to find a guy who is interested in a committed relationship with someone they like, and you mutually like each other with. Fairly self-explanatory in my opinion.

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  • well, you need to go with decent guys hang out... generally that's not bars, or nightclubs.
    Joining a scholastic club, like photography, for example.
    At a largly female academy, sure you're linited, but you should work on interests, and what you want, and then branch out... biking, as another example. Lots of guys like cycling, or hiking, or physical activities.

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