My ex tells me I sabotage relationships... Define "Sabotage" for me?

I was dating a guy and I honestly just wanted to confirm that we were exclusive. I have been cheated on in almost all of my relationships yet every guy who has cheated on me came back around and told me it was a regret/wanted a second chance...

I have insecurities in relationships because I have been often used in relationships for "arm candy" I guess... Guys would talk about me in school and constantly harass me based on my appearance but I have so much more to offer...
I am kind of off beat funny, I am independent, goal oriented, loyal, charismatic, thoughtful and compassionate.
I've been told that I am too much of a nurturing person before and that I should stop caring about people but that is who I am...

So when my ex said I sabotaged us I was caught off guard. I simply wanted to know we were exclusive and with that I assumed would be a title... When he didn't provide me that I felt insecure about us and like he was cheating...

Now I am in a similar situation and Idk...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly it sounds like this is just what he is telling himself to feel better about the turnout of events here.

    An actual sabotage attempt would be more like you finding a way to ruin the relationship and then blaming him for the turnouts. So the only way I can see it being "sabotaged" is if you were to find ways to wreck the relationship yourself and then blame him for the wrecking of it. Like if you started a fight and accused him of using you as arm candy it would be the start of the "sabotage."

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    • Exactly this. Asker, your ex simply made an excuse to end things with you. You asked him a question in an attempt to clarify things, so that you would not mislabel what you two were to each other. He, in turn, used that against you by accusing you of sabotage.

What Guys Said 2

  • You need to get a grip and grow up is what he means in a nutshell, but I'll try to explain better.

    Women have a TERRIBLE habit of making the very thing they fear come true. You wanted to be exclusive with him, fine. You asked and didn't get the answer you wanted. You should have just let it go and tried again at a later time. Instead, you warped his answer and took it upon yourself to convince yourself that he was cheating and god knows what else. By doing so, he left you, creating the one thing you feared would happen. That's what he means by you sabotage relationships.

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    • I didn't explain it right I guess. I asked and he said financially he couldn't be in a relationship. I told him I just care about him, as an individual and he said no, women cost money. Like, what the heck? I have my own money. I didn't require money to date. I just wanted him. & he said that he spent enough time with me I should have known he loved me. Soooooooooo some people just need that verbalized. That is all.

    • OK so those are some more details, but that FURTHER proves my point. He said financially he couldn't be in a relationship. Whether he's telling the truth or not, being a relationship DOES cost money. He tries to justify that he spends time with you and that's a start, and for you to be happy with that but you weren't. So , you started feeling "insecure" like he was cheating.

      To him that's a horrible insult, so he breaks the relationship off. By insulting him and pushing him on his answers, you have pushed him away, therefore ending the relationship as you feared would happen.

  • To sum it up, you destroy the relationship for any reason. Whether it was said out of spite or not is for you to judge

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