Am I being unreasonable or is he?

We’ve been dating for 6mos now (I know this is not a long time, but I just want to hear what others have to say).

He is a Software Developer who works as a contractor – about a month in a half into our dating his contract ended and then around the 3 month mark of dating his rental property tenants cut their lease short. So with him looking for a new contract (job) and wanting to do the work on his rental property himself I feel like I was pushed to the side. We still kept in contact through phone calls and texts and seeing each other when possible.

But, now he has gotten a new contract (job), and now has posted the property for rent. This is all great, but we still have not seen each other and phone calls and texts are falling short on his end. He says it’s because he’s getting use to his new job with the hours and the assignment, and also making time for potential renters to see the property. I feel that he is being selfish and stubborn by not finding time to spend with me face to face even it is and hour or so. I’ve told him how I feel and he likes to say the past 4mos have been rough – which I agree and have been patience with the situation, but I just feel if he wanted to see me and spend time with me he would make the time.

Before anyone starts saying ‘he’s cheating or there’s someone else’ – I don’t for one minute think this. I just think he doesn’t know how to prioritize his life or wants everything to be back to normal before we can pick up where we left off. I don’t want to come off as begging to see him and not supportive of his situation, but at some point when does he stop to think about our relationship? As a side note: we are not teenagers, and we’re not in our twenties – so adult thoughts would be helpful.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are totally in your rights to expect that a partner at that age has enough time management skills to find an hour for you here or there. It really sounds like he has just sort of fallen out of the relationship, and considers himself to be 'dating' you simply out of habit. Because that is not the behaviour of a partner with your joint interests in mind.

    There is always the opportunity to find a couple of hours here or there, saying that is impossible is a bullshit answer and an excuse. It just means that the guy would rather unwind at home alone than be with you. If it really is that hard to 'find' time, then he should 'make' time. It is not only reasonable for you to expect to be seeing him, it is unreasonable of him to NOT be finding time.

    It can just be simple things to show he is making an effort. "I am showing some potential renters the place at 5, but that will be wrapped up by 6 at the latest. I do have some stuff to look at for work later this evening, but let's grab some dinner after 6 to catch up. Just don't let me drink, or I won't get my work done later ;)" You know? Stuff like that. Easy. Not a huge time commitment, but something that shows some investment in the two of you as a couple.

    If he can't do that then it is because he CHOOSES not to do that. And that essentially means he is choosing not to see you. You need to react accordingly.

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